I was driving through a small town South of where I live when I suddenly slammed on the brakes. I stepped on the brake so hard, it is amazing that my feet did not go through the floorboard and require stopping Fred Flintstone style. You see, I just passed a sign that had the most amazing and hopeful message. After I pried my wedged head out of the space between my rear-view mirror and the windshield I looked back at the sign. Sure enough, my eyes did not deceive me. The sign had no visible business name only wording. It had the following message on it. “Mirror Shock… We Can Help!” Well my goodness, I have been in mirror shock for the past 20 years. I was as excited as Christmas in 1969 when I asked for a Tricycle with a real car steering wheel. Santa and the elves came through like stud-muffins. Christmas day in 1969 I was Hot-Roding around on a shiny red tricycle with a big black car steering wheel (Fortunately Santa’s helper knew how to weld).
I immediately did an illegal U-turn, risking a citation and perhaps a field sobriety test. Then as I entered the center lane to turn left into the strip-mall, a vehicle passes and honks letting me know his team is number one. Apparently, this man did not finish school. He has not learned that we use our index finger for this. I speed through the strip-mall parking lot and cut off an elderly woman to get the last stall. Hey, normally I always allow the elderly to have the stall, but we are talking a cure for mirror shock and it is every mirror-stunned person for his or her self. As I exit the car, I realize I am at a strip-mall. I feel like shouting, hey look at me I have lost enough weight that I have come to a strip-mall. I entertain the thought of stripping, but then have a visualization that my ego cannot handle. I visualized as I stripped, everyone simultaneously tosses his or her Mrs. Fields cookies.
I visually take in the whole strip-mall. I look at the stores and there it is. The store does not have a sign showing what they sell, but the wording is on their windows. Mirror Shock… We Can Help! The windows all have dark tint and I cannot see inside. Finally, a business understands my needs. My imagination begins to run wild. Perhaps they sell mirrors that show you exactly how you want to look. Perhaps they offer discount whole-body liposuction. Go in a fat Russell Crowe and come out the real deal… a Gladiator extraordinaire. Maybe they have a drug that drops 10 pounds a week and shrinks the skin so there will be nothing dragging behind you when the weight is gone. Oh, the possibilities are killing me. They may have a miracle cream, or a miracle beverage. They may have the ultimate magic or silver bullet you choose your phrase. I cannot stand it anymore I must go in.
I enter the store and a young woman is standing at the front counter. I look around and ask, “Is this a hair salon?” Looking at me as if I am some kind of idiot, she says yes. I ask if they do anything besides hair. We do nails, facials and other salon services. I ask this young woman, “How can you help me with mirror shock?” She looks at me and says we have a great hairpiece catalog. How does that solve mirror shock, if I have to look in the mirror to put the hairpiece on in the morning? Laughing, she says you have a point. I am completely disappointed at this point.
Unfortunately, I continue to learn that there are no magic/silver bullets without work involved. Look at the trainer for the Biggest Loser (Jillian Michaels) she is currently being sued for advertising that you can eat chocolate cake and other goodies and lose weight if you take her magic weight loss pills. An attorney is suing her and the manufacturer for a boatload of money. In the fine print, it says if you follow a good nutritional plan, exercise and take the supplement you will lose weight. Well, you can do that without the expensive magic pills. Sorry for the false alarm folks, I guess I have to continue reading, eating and exercising. More appropriately, reading a lot, eating a little, exercising a lot. However, I will keep one eye on the road and one eye on the signs.
"If you didn't need a pill to get fat, why would you need one to get unfat?" ---Author Unknown
“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.”
--- Muhammad Ali
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