Aspire to Inspire

In an earlier blog entry, I discussed that my gym (Snap Fitness) has mirrors all the way around, like wallpaper. I recently found out that this is because it is a 24-hour gym and for everyone’s safety, we can see the entire facility from our position. This also makes it difficult not to look at someone entering the facility. This past week when I was working out late in the afternoon, I noticed three women walking into the facility. Two of the women were of weight close to their desired weight. The third woman was easily over 400 pounds and possibly more. It was very evident that she was reluctant to be there. By the manner in which her two companions introduced her to a treadmill, it may be the first time she has ever been to a fitness center. Side by side, these three started on a journey.

If I had a dollar for every time that someone I know told me I should try to get accepted on the “Biggest Loser”, I could be lying in a recliner on a white sandy beach in the Caribbean drinking sugar-free fruity drinks with parasols. The last time someone suggested this; I abruptly cut them off and informed them that I could not do it because it is on the same night as my favorite reality show. Naturally, they asked what it is. I responded, “Stupid people and the dumb things they say in public.” They honestly said, “I will check it out as they walked away.” I thought to myself, “no need you are the star of the show.” If you are one that finds inspiration in the Biggest Loser, then you had better not read past this point. The Biggest Loser to me is nothing more than a circus freak show with the network exploiting overweight people to gain an audience. In addition, anyone can lose weight in a semi-controlled environment with personal trainers and team competition. Watching someone relive their most painful moments in life and breaking down while parading in horrible outfits to show as much fat as possible is not inspiring.

I have never known tough love to work on anyone that is overweight, myself included. The damage this show will cause for its participants will be devastating. When they regain the weight and see people they know that saw their weakest moments, it will break them and lead down a road to great despair. My ex-wife’s parents tried this tough love approach and I can honestly say that it did not work and our relationship will never recover. I have forgiven, but unfortunately, it left scar tissue that does not fade. I will probably never feel completely comfortable around them again. My ex-wife’s parents long ago counseled my wife to divorce me. One evening while riding in their car, they have this conversation as if I am not present with my Father-in-Law saying, “Well I guess she likes him like that or she would do something about it.” They even visited my parent’s home and asked them to do something about me as they were counseling their daughter to leave me. Another moment in my own home he looked at me and said, “Well, die then.” These episodes lead to behavior that is more destructive, angered me to a dangerous level and increased my negativity. If you know someone that is in great need of assistance to lose weight, aspire to inspire. I was hurting and needed help and no one knew what to do. Even my ex-wife handled it wrong as she countered her parents’ cruelty with pity and empathy. I was lost and even prayer and faith had been lost.

If you want to save someone do it with a call to action. Stop telling and start doing. Quit advising and start inviting. Lose the pity and show the possibilities. Instead of pointing out the direction, open your hand and invite them to come with you. Instead of belittling and ridiculing, begin empowering and rebuilding. Forget sending them alone, commit to taking the journey with them. Reach out your damn hand and say, “I love you and I desire for you to live the fullest life possible. I do not ask anything of you that I will not ask of myself. I will walk, work, sweat, cry, learn and grow beside you every step of the way. Together we will climb the mountain and together we will conquer our demons. “You cannot help someone get up a hill without getting closer to the top yourself” --- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf.

You do not win enormous lifetime weight battles in fat farms, with personal trainers or professional chefs and available doctors. These can provide victories, however most are short-lived and become distant, dimmed days of glory. If they do work, Oprah Winfrey would never battle weight again. Oprah has conquered racial, and gender barriers. Oprah has overcome abuse. She has become one of the most influential and wealthy individuals on the planet. Yet, for all her personal trainers, chefs, doctors and money, Oprah has not yet completely conquered her battle with weight issues.

We conquer a lifetime of weight issues in our own minds. Once we have healed the mind, then we heal the soul. Once we heal the soul, then we heal the body. It is not as simple as calories in or calories out. In the battle of obesity, math and common sense do not rule. It takes something or someone huge to assist in conquering obesity. It takes two friends, roommates or sisters reaching out and saying come with us. We will walk side by side on treadmills and teach you how to work one. We will enter together and leave together. We will stop telling and start doing. We will take the journey with you step by step. Moved by the moment, I smiled and nodded in appreciation and a bit of envy.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
-----Mahatma Gandhi