Update to the post below: Our precious little Brielle was admitted to the children's hospital today and we are told she will remain there through Christmas. If you do not mind, please say a prayer for Brielle and her family.
"The Irish - Be they kings, or poets, or farmers, They're a people of great worth, They keep company with the angels, And bring a bit of heaven here to earth" ---Irish Sayings
Every now and then, you come across someone that makes you look at the world a little differently. Asked earlier this year, my beautiful wife and I teach a weekly class at our church. We teach a wonderful group of eleven-year-old children. Being new to the area, I did not know any of these children. The first day we taught this class one young woman caught my attention. They are all beautiful children and have wonderful personalities; however, one child seemed to be so enthusiastic and positive it was almost unbelievable.
This young woman had an odd hairstyle I thought as I looked upon her for the first time. Her hair was short and almost in a spike type fashion, not very flattering and looking much differently than all the other children in the class. When I would ask a volunteer to say a prayer she would raise her hand with so much enthusiasm, that she would almost eek out a slight scream. If I did not choose her for the prayer, she would immediately shout out, “I will say the closing prayer”. Her smile is contagious and her light shines very brightly.
As the weeks passed and I have gotten to know this young woman more, I would learn a great deal about her and her hairstyle. Months prior to my meeting her, this young woman had just endured a bone-marrow transplant. The remarkable young woman was diagnosed with leukemia. She has also endured radiation and chemotherapy. Now the hairstyle made sense and I felt like a fool for mentally questioning her hairstyle.
Her story does not end there as she has had various forms of health problems almost since birth. This remarkable young woman has required heart surgery and other medical procedures almost her entire life. In addition, the family discovered that her Father also discovered he had cancer when she was undergoing her bone-marrow transplant. Through all of her difficulties and trials this young woman is one of the most positive, enthusiastic, loving and charitable people I have ever had the privilege of meeting.
Never have I witnessed this young woman feel sorry for herself or question why. Her Mother says it is fitting that her younger sister be the bone-marrow donor as these two are the two children that are her most stubborn and impatient with one another. Now, they have the same blood running through their bodies.
Until four-weeks ago, her leukemia was in remission and she was making grand plans for the future. Sadly, we learned that her leukemia or another type of cancer has returned. I hope that it will require less chemotherapy and radiation. We have only seen her once since the leukemia returned. My beautiful wife delivered a blanket and card the entire class made for her. Her reaction was a huge grin that would thaw the most frigid heart. Tomorrow this beautiful young child enters the hospital for a lengthy stay to once again face daunting trials. This young woman is an Angel among us and her light shines so brightly, you cannot help feeling drawn to her.
I find it amazing how some people shine and flourish while facing the most severe trials. A truly amazing human lives life full and optimistic in the face of such demoralizing trials. It and she is a shining example to us all.
"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength." ---August Wilson
"Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God." ---Bible
"We are each others angels, we meet when it is time." ---Chuck Brodsky
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
The Love of Money
Greed (noun) excessive or rapacious desire, especially for wealth or possessions.
"The morality of compromise' sounds contradictory. Compromise is usually a sign of weakness, or an admission of defeat. Strong men don't compromise, it is said, and principles should never be compromised. I shall argue that strong men, conversely, know when to compromise and that all principles can be compromised to serve a greater principle." ---Charles Handy
I cannot resist giving my thoughts on the National Basketball Association (NBA) lockout. Yes, it is an opinion and perhaps a useless one at that. Normally, I would always side with the worker or employee, because I work for a company that has a Union present. In my fourteen years with the company I am employed with, I have experienced this company exaggerate and outright lie numerous times. In fact, twice in those fourteen years the union or employees had to take our employer to court to find the truth. In both cases, the courts or arbitrator sided with the union/employees and gave a stern lecture to our company. Oddly, had the company just been honest and forthcoming, they would have saved a great amount of money.
That said our union/employees understand something about the world. We understand that after 9/11/01 the world changed. Well, our world here in the United States changed. The economy became frail and weak. Americans no longer spent money as they were. This led to many other issues that led to the loan and housing bubble and a myriad of other issues. Our union/employees saw the big picture and we signed contracts that went years without pay increases. We agreed to more out of our pockets to help the company pay for our insurance package. It was a mutual effort to keep the company solvent and moving forward in a different economy than before 9/11/01. Moving ahead to 2011 and the employees of our company have made many concessions to keep others from being terminated or downsized. Many Americans have made great concessions in order to remain employed. Many have lost their jobs and unemployment is still high in our nation. Foreclosures are high and houses are just not selling as they did in the past.
The NBA players want to keep going as if nothing has changed. They forget that we are paying over three dollars for a gallon of gasoline. The NBA players want to make very few, if any concessions. They forget that the owners are having a more difficult time selling tickets. Americans need the NBA to lower ticket costs. The companies of America need to have lower advertising costs associated with televised games. However, the NBA players union and agents do not want to lose anything they have bargained for in the past. Yes, they made a few concessions at the negotiations, but it was so insignificant the owners said no. The battle here is the super rich against the rich and the rest of us pay the price. The average NBA player salary is between five and six million dollars per year. Many make less and many make more. It is difficult to process why someone making five million dollars per year cannot take a ten percent pay decrease. I guess they have adjusted their lifestyle to their income like the rest of Americans do, me included. Placing this into perspective, the average NBA yearly salary is equal to one-hundred years salary of a New York City Firefighter.
"I was not able to understand how it could be right to pay an actor, or a singer, or an instrumentalist for entertaining the public and wrong to pay a ball player for doing exactly the same thing." ---Al Spalding
Today, the NBA union declined a “final” offer by the owners. I read the basics of the offer and I found it to be fair and reasonable to both parties. Remember, I normally would side with the players and the union. However, this declining of the offer has me switching teams. A fair and reasonable offer came their way and they walked away. Do they not understand that Americans have had to adjust the way we live? Gasoline alone has taken a large chunk of monthly spendable income. Employees, vendors, suppliers, nearby businesses and their employees are all financially hurting because one group of employees has decided that they should not be burdened by a weaker economy than in the past. They have decided that this is America’s problem and not theirs. The NBA players union has reared its ugly, greedy head. They have taken their ball and have gone home.
"The man who does not work for the love of work but only for money is not likely to make money nor find much fun in life." ---Charles Schwab
"It is the nature of ambition to make men liars and cheats, to hide the truth in their breasts, and show, like jugglers, another thing in their mouths, to cut all friendships and enmities to the measure of their own interest, and to make a good countenance without the help of good will." ---Sallust Sallust
"The morality of compromise' sounds contradictory. Compromise is usually a sign of weakness, or an admission of defeat. Strong men don't compromise, it is said, and principles should never be compromised. I shall argue that strong men, conversely, know when to compromise and that all principles can be compromised to serve a greater principle." ---Charles Handy
I cannot resist giving my thoughts on the National Basketball Association (NBA) lockout. Yes, it is an opinion and perhaps a useless one at that. Normally, I would always side with the worker or employee, because I work for a company that has a Union present. In my fourteen years with the company I am employed with, I have experienced this company exaggerate and outright lie numerous times. In fact, twice in those fourteen years the union or employees had to take our employer to court to find the truth. In both cases, the courts or arbitrator sided with the union/employees and gave a stern lecture to our company. Oddly, had the company just been honest and forthcoming, they would have saved a great amount of money.
That said our union/employees understand something about the world. We understand that after 9/11/01 the world changed. Well, our world here in the United States changed. The economy became frail and weak. Americans no longer spent money as they were. This led to many other issues that led to the loan and housing bubble and a myriad of other issues. Our union/employees saw the big picture and we signed contracts that went years without pay increases. We agreed to more out of our pockets to help the company pay for our insurance package. It was a mutual effort to keep the company solvent and moving forward in a different economy than before 9/11/01. Moving ahead to 2011 and the employees of our company have made many concessions to keep others from being terminated or downsized. Many Americans have made great concessions in order to remain employed. Many have lost their jobs and unemployment is still high in our nation. Foreclosures are high and houses are just not selling as they did in the past.
The NBA players want to keep going as if nothing has changed. They forget that we are paying over three dollars for a gallon of gasoline. The NBA players want to make very few, if any concessions. They forget that the owners are having a more difficult time selling tickets. Americans need the NBA to lower ticket costs. The companies of America need to have lower advertising costs associated with televised games. However, the NBA players union and agents do not want to lose anything they have bargained for in the past. Yes, they made a few concessions at the negotiations, but it was so insignificant the owners said no. The battle here is the super rich against the rich and the rest of us pay the price. The average NBA player salary is between five and six million dollars per year. Many make less and many make more. It is difficult to process why someone making five million dollars per year cannot take a ten percent pay decrease. I guess they have adjusted their lifestyle to their income like the rest of Americans do, me included. Placing this into perspective, the average NBA yearly salary is equal to one-hundred years salary of a New York City Firefighter.
"I was not able to understand how it could be right to pay an actor, or a singer, or an instrumentalist for entertaining the public and wrong to pay a ball player for doing exactly the same thing." ---Al Spalding
Today, the NBA union declined a “final” offer by the owners. I read the basics of the offer and I found it to be fair and reasonable to both parties. Remember, I normally would side with the players and the union. However, this declining of the offer has me switching teams. A fair and reasonable offer came their way and they walked away. Do they not understand that Americans have had to adjust the way we live? Gasoline alone has taken a large chunk of monthly spendable income. Employees, vendors, suppliers, nearby businesses and their employees are all financially hurting because one group of employees has decided that they should not be burdened by a weaker economy than in the past. They have decided that this is America’s problem and not theirs. The NBA players union has reared its ugly, greedy head. They have taken their ball and have gone home.
"The man who does not work for the love of work but only for money is not likely to make money nor find much fun in life." ---Charles Schwab
"It is the nature of ambition to make men liars and cheats, to hide the truth in their breasts, and show, like jugglers, another thing in their mouths, to cut all friendships and enmities to the measure of their own interest, and to make a good countenance without the help of good will." ---Sallust Sallust
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Gift Returned by Suicide
This entry may be a little harsh for some, so please be warned that I am going to share some graphic things I experienced this past week. The counselor my company requested I visit with recommended I share it.
"While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die -- whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness." ---Gilda Radner
Two weeks ago I had the misfortune of witnessing a man take his life. It is the seventh violent death I have witnessed in my life, but the first that was voluntary. One cannot adequately prepare you for such a scene. It is as shocking of a moment as I can possibly imagine. It is not a war scene where the people next to you are killed in a foxhole or a roadside bomb explodes. This was a peaceful, beautiful fall morning where my guard was down and my spirit was euphoric.
Everything seemed normal and the Train I was operating was running well. I was traveling in a 55 mph zone and I was approximately thirty seconds behind my schedule. The many gauges and controls were functioning properly and it was a very smooth, uneventful trip. The very type of trip you appreciate when you operate a train. Normally, I would pass the Southbound train five blocks North of where we were about to pass. I guess this would be both a blessing and a curse. You see if I were running right on schedule my train would end this man’s life. Instead, my thirty-second delay would place me in the position of viewing it in its entirety.
Approaching a less busy intersection in an industrial area with both trains headed towards one another on tracks running parallel to each other. Looking ahead, I see that all the crossing gates, alarms and lights are working properly and the signal to proceed is showing I began to scan the area around the gates. There were a few cars stopped behind the gates and I notice a very bright blue. This blue is a coat or jacket that a pedestrian is wearing. No big deal as everything looked normal and they looked to be waiting for the trains to pass. The Southbound train headed towards me would reach the intersection before my train. I noticed this train had their warning lights flashing and the gong or bell would be sounding as well as they are simultaneous.
I looked back at the pedestrian and I watched as he walked very quickly onto the alignment (tracks). I thought to myself he was crazy for trying to cross before the trains passed, however impatient people do it all the time, risking their lives to save a few seconds. However, I did not see him cross both tracks and because of poles between the tracks I lost sight of him for a few seconds. I wondered if he crossed. Maybe he went back to where he came from. Once I cleared the area of the poles blocking my view, I immediately noticed the blue jacket. He looked to be standing on or slightly towards the middle of the tracks. The Southbound train heading towards his location at 55 mph was approximately only 100 feet away.
Then suddenly to my shock, he quickly moved directly into the path of the southbound train. No time to radio the other train, the entire episode of entering and positioning himself was just a matter of seconds. The impact would bounce him off the train and onto the track. He would bounce twice off the track and back up, having impact with the train again. The third impact with the train would throw him towards the center or towards my track. Immediately, when the first impact took place I went into hard braking. My train would stop approximately 45 to 65 feet from his final position.
Immediately, I knew this was a fatal scene by the manner in which his body lay and how he was thrown to where he lay. Following company and Federal policy, I did all that I was expected to do, albeit shaking and somewhat shocked. I did much of the radio communication as the other operator was in a bit more shock. I looked at this man, broken, twisted and laying peacefully there in the rocks. My thoughts immediately turned to what brought a man to this point. What in his life brought him to the point that he forfeited the most amazing gift of life?
I will not judge this man for doing what he did. I am curious as to why he did what he did. When I learned his age during debrief, I was a bit surprised. He moved rather quickly and I learned he was 86 years of age. Perhaps he found he had a terminal disease. Maybe he lost the love of his life. Perhaps he was just lonely and depressed.
How many lives could he influence if he took a different course? Instead of ending his life, what if he volunteered and took joy and happiness to those lacking. He had an amazing opportunity to make children feel special. A lifetime of experience to share with a lonely friend he had yet to meet. Even if terminal, the most amazing lesson and experience I have had was losing a great friend to cancer. My friend turned down medication for pain until six days before death. He wanted to be coherent when his friends and relatives would visit during his final days. He laughed, joked and kept a positive attitude until the end. In his final day, he shared with me that he did not mind dying, but hated the fact that he was leaving his wife. In the end, his body gave out, while his mind was still bright, active and wanting to live on. He taught me more about life, love and selflessness in death than I have learned from anyone living.
Life is a gift to us all. It is not always easy, nor is it void of pain and suffering. We all experience a broken heart, a lonely time, and feelings of despair. There are times when we all wonder if it is worth it. I consider myself extremely blessed. I love a wonderful woman, have a beautiful home and I am blessed to share my life with amazing children. Many people, like myself have suffered from two decades of obesity and the prejudice that comes with that condition. Many have experienced a broken heart and cruelty that I pray no other should experience. Many of us have had our amazing children taken from us for at least 50% of their young lives. Many have experienced financial collapse and ruin. Many have lost a best friend to cancer. Many have experienced abusive and cruel behavior from some of the most hurtful people we have ever met. We are not special, nor are we above average. We are simply people that understand one thing about all of our experiences. That nothing we have experienced is equal to that which one man experienced. Whipped, beaten, cursed, spat upon, wrapped in thorns, nailed and displayed on a cross for the masses. We are people of faith. If you have faith and in times of despair, if you lean on that faith and with a humble heart ask for guidance, it will come. In fact, it will carry you through it and to a better, more fruitful life.
Life is a gift and our free agency allows us to choose what we do with it. I wish that two weeks ago Monday a certain man of 86 years would have looked at the trains headed towards him and realized one thing. He has an amazing gift to share and lift others to a higher calling in life. No matter what ailed him, he had the power and strength to overcome it through faith.
"I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have and that is life itself." ---Walter Anderson
"You have the duty and gift of living. You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines-use your life and get back into the game." ---Phillip McGraw
"While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die -- whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness." ---Gilda Radner
Two weeks ago I had the misfortune of witnessing a man take his life. It is the seventh violent death I have witnessed in my life, but the first that was voluntary. One cannot adequately prepare you for such a scene. It is as shocking of a moment as I can possibly imagine. It is not a war scene where the people next to you are killed in a foxhole or a roadside bomb explodes. This was a peaceful, beautiful fall morning where my guard was down and my spirit was euphoric.
Everything seemed normal and the Train I was operating was running well. I was traveling in a 55 mph zone and I was approximately thirty seconds behind my schedule. The many gauges and controls were functioning properly and it was a very smooth, uneventful trip. The very type of trip you appreciate when you operate a train. Normally, I would pass the Southbound train five blocks North of where we were about to pass. I guess this would be both a blessing and a curse. You see if I were running right on schedule my train would end this man’s life. Instead, my thirty-second delay would place me in the position of viewing it in its entirety.
Approaching a less busy intersection in an industrial area with both trains headed towards one another on tracks running parallel to each other. Looking ahead, I see that all the crossing gates, alarms and lights are working properly and the signal to proceed is showing I began to scan the area around the gates. There were a few cars stopped behind the gates and I notice a very bright blue. This blue is a coat or jacket that a pedestrian is wearing. No big deal as everything looked normal and they looked to be waiting for the trains to pass. The Southbound train headed towards me would reach the intersection before my train. I noticed this train had their warning lights flashing and the gong or bell would be sounding as well as they are simultaneous.
I looked back at the pedestrian and I watched as he walked very quickly onto the alignment (tracks). I thought to myself he was crazy for trying to cross before the trains passed, however impatient people do it all the time, risking their lives to save a few seconds. However, I did not see him cross both tracks and because of poles between the tracks I lost sight of him for a few seconds. I wondered if he crossed. Maybe he went back to where he came from. Once I cleared the area of the poles blocking my view, I immediately noticed the blue jacket. He looked to be standing on or slightly towards the middle of the tracks. The Southbound train heading towards his location at 55 mph was approximately only 100 feet away.
Then suddenly to my shock, he quickly moved directly into the path of the southbound train. No time to radio the other train, the entire episode of entering and positioning himself was just a matter of seconds. The impact would bounce him off the train and onto the track. He would bounce twice off the track and back up, having impact with the train again. The third impact with the train would throw him towards the center or towards my track. Immediately, when the first impact took place I went into hard braking. My train would stop approximately 45 to 65 feet from his final position.
Immediately, I knew this was a fatal scene by the manner in which his body lay and how he was thrown to where he lay. Following company and Federal policy, I did all that I was expected to do, albeit shaking and somewhat shocked. I did much of the radio communication as the other operator was in a bit more shock. I looked at this man, broken, twisted and laying peacefully there in the rocks. My thoughts immediately turned to what brought a man to this point. What in his life brought him to the point that he forfeited the most amazing gift of life?
I will not judge this man for doing what he did. I am curious as to why he did what he did. When I learned his age during debrief, I was a bit surprised. He moved rather quickly and I learned he was 86 years of age. Perhaps he found he had a terminal disease. Maybe he lost the love of his life. Perhaps he was just lonely and depressed.
How many lives could he influence if he took a different course? Instead of ending his life, what if he volunteered and took joy and happiness to those lacking. He had an amazing opportunity to make children feel special. A lifetime of experience to share with a lonely friend he had yet to meet. Even if terminal, the most amazing lesson and experience I have had was losing a great friend to cancer. My friend turned down medication for pain until six days before death. He wanted to be coherent when his friends and relatives would visit during his final days. He laughed, joked and kept a positive attitude until the end. In his final day, he shared with me that he did not mind dying, but hated the fact that he was leaving his wife. In the end, his body gave out, while his mind was still bright, active and wanting to live on. He taught me more about life, love and selflessness in death than I have learned from anyone living.
Life is a gift to us all. It is not always easy, nor is it void of pain and suffering. We all experience a broken heart, a lonely time, and feelings of despair. There are times when we all wonder if it is worth it. I consider myself extremely blessed. I love a wonderful woman, have a beautiful home and I am blessed to share my life with amazing children. Many people, like myself have suffered from two decades of obesity and the prejudice that comes with that condition. Many have experienced a broken heart and cruelty that I pray no other should experience. Many of us have had our amazing children taken from us for at least 50% of their young lives. Many have experienced financial collapse and ruin. Many have lost a best friend to cancer. Many have experienced abusive and cruel behavior from some of the most hurtful people we have ever met. We are not special, nor are we above average. We are simply people that understand one thing about all of our experiences. That nothing we have experienced is equal to that which one man experienced. Whipped, beaten, cursed, spat upon, wrapped in thorns, nailed and displayed on a cross for the masses. We are people of faith. If you have faith and in times of despair, if you lean on that faith and with a humble heart ask for guidance, it will come. In fact, it will carry you through it and to a better, more fruitful life.
Life is a gift and our free agency allows us to choose what we do with it. I wish that two weeks ago Monday a certain man of 86 years would have looked at the trains headed towards him and realized one thing. He has an amazing gift to share and lift others to a higher calling in life. No matter what ailed him, he had the power and strength to overcome it through faith.
"I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have and that is life itself." ---Walter Anderson
"You have the duty and gift of living. You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines-use your life and get back into the game." ---Phillip McGraw
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Divorce and Baseball
"If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example." ---George Bernard Shaw
What do the two have in common? I had the pleasure of coaching my son’s T-ball (Beginning Baseball) team. The team I was assigned had several players, my son among them. This blog entry focuses on one team member. An amazingly gorgeous, petite and full of life young girl named Sybella (Sa Bella), Bella for short. The first day I met this little girl I knew she was special. Bella is only four years-old and followed instructions perfectly with a “get it done” positive attitude. Her parents are a very good-looking couple and their love for Bella is evident.
The season progressed and I mentioned to my wife that of all the players the one making the most improvement was adorable Bella. My wife agreed, adding she is the cutest little athlete. Reaching mid-season schedule, Bella was no longer using a T-ball post and was hitting “coach pitch” as I would pitch to her and she would blast a hit. Two others on the team had reached this level as well, including my amazing son. However, Bella was junior to the other two by two years.
First game post mid-season I noticed something odd. Bella’s parents did not arrive at the game together. Bella arrived with her mother and her grandparents. Bella’s father arrived shortly thereafter. There was obvious contention between Bella’s parents and the grandparents seemed to be there for support for Bella’s mother and to keep the peace. Bella’s parents did not stand together nor near one another. Bella’s mother constantly showed signs of anger, hurt and frustration.
As the games crept by at two per week, each game Bella witnessed her parents drifting further apart. Here is the interesting and extremely sad part of this experience. Bella’s skills and attention waned. The final two games of the season would include Bella seeing her father arrive and she would run and jump into his arms. She would hold him so tightly that he could have jogged and she would not fall off. When I would call out to her to take the field she would wipe the tears away and reluctantly let go of her father. By the final game Bella had lost the majority of her skills. When batting and I would pitch to her, she would be looking elsewhere and neither at the ball nor the pitcher. I followed her stare to see what she was looking at. Her father stood down the right field line and she could not take her eyes off him. I eventually asked him to stand with me at the pitcher mound when Bella would bat. However, this did not help as her swing had deteriorated and her desire was no longer present. Bella returned to using the T-ball post and could barely even hit the ball on the post. Her swing no longer had zip and her ability to focus was gone.
We as adults and parents forget how our children are affected from our decisions. These two parents are embroiled in a hurtful, heartbreaking moment in their relationship. However, their beautiful Bella is hurting and it is going unnoticed by them, as they are lost in their own hurt and pain. Divorce and baseball are two things that should not have anything to do with one another. Yet, for one beautiful little girl these two worlds would collide and break her heart. The final game and the trophy presentation where little Bella had to be asked by many to smile for the photo. The first half of the season saw Bella with a smile that could not be removed. Bella, my heart and prayers go out to you. It was an honor to meet you, be your coach and spend time with you, if even for a brief moment of your life.
"Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." ---Khalil Gibran
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson
What do the two have in common? I had the pleasure of coaching my son’s T-ball (Beginning Baseball) team. The team I was assigned had several players, my son among them. This blog entry focuses on one team member. An amazingly gorgeous, petite and full of life young girl named Sybella (Sa Bella), Bella for short. The first day I met this little girl I knew she was special. Bella is only four years-old and followed instructions perfectly with a “get it done” positive attitude. Her parents are a very good-looking couple and their love for Bella is evident.
The season progressed and I mentioned to my wife that of all the players the one making the most improvement was adorable Bella. My wife agreed, adding she is the cutest little athlete. Reaching mid-season schedule, Bella was no longer using a T-ball post and was hitting “coach pitch” as I would pitch to her and she would blast a hit. Two others on the team had reached this level as well, including my amazing son. However, Bella was junior to the other two by two years.
First game post mid-season I noticed something odd. Bella’s parents did not arrive at the game together. Bella arrived with her mother and her grandparents. Bella’s father arrived shortly thereafter. There was obvious contention between Bella’s parents and the grandparents seemed to be there for support for Bella’s mother and to keep the peace. Bella’s parents did not stand together nor near one another. Bella’s mother constantly showed signs of anger, hurt and frustration.
As the games crept by at two per week, each game Bella witnessed her parents drifting further apart. Here is the interesting and extremely sad part of this experience. Bella’s skills and attention waned. The final two games of the season would include Bella seeing her father arrive and she would run and jump into his arms. She would hold him so tightly that he could have jogged and she would not fall off. When I would call out to her to take the field she would wipe the tears away and reluctantly let go of her father. By the final game Bella had lost the majority of her skills. When batting and I would pitch to her, she would be looking elsewhere and neither at the ball nor the pitcher. I followed her stare to see what she was looking at. Her father stood down the right field line and she could not take her eyes off him. I eventually asked him to stand with me at the pitcher mound when Bella would bat. However, this did not help as her swing had deteriorated and her desire was no longer present. Bella returned to using the T-ball post and could barely even hit the ball on the post. Her swing no longer had zip and her ability to focus was gone.
We as adults and parents forget how our children are affected from our decisions. These two parents are embroiled in a hurtful, heartbreaking moment in their relationship. However, their beautiful Bella is hurting and it is going unnoticed by them, as they are lost in their own hurt and pain. Divorce and baseball are two things that should not have anything to do with one another. Yet, for one beautiful little girl these two worlds would collide and break her heart. The final game and the trophy presentation where little Bella had to be asked by many to smile for the photo. The first half of the season saw Bella with a smile that could not be removed. Bella, my heart and prayers go out to you. It was an honor to meet you, be your coach and spend time with you, if even for a brief moment of your life.
"Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." ---Khalil Gibran
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sunday, July 31, 2011
I Didn’t Do It Dad!
"Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." ---Khalil Gibran
I remember the day with alarming clarity. It is as vivid and powerful today as it was almost thirteen years ago. The day I speak of is the day I became a father. I cannot remember ever really wanting to be or having an enormous desire to be a father. If I am honest, I never really gave it great thought when I was younger. I occasionally wondered what it would be like, but I was perfectly satisfied with life if it never happened.
That November day a decade plus nearly three years ago would change my life like no other before or after. The person that never gave being a father much thought did in fact become a father. It rocked my world and has every day since. I became the father of a gorgeous little baby girl that day.
Being a father is a complicated issue. I am blessed to actually be the father of two, a young boy about to become seven. I know that I would willingly give my life for either of my children without hesitation if it would preserve theirs. If you want to see the ugliest side of my character, hurt one of my children. I deeply love my children, oddly I never really felt loved by my own father.
Saturday evening I had the displeasure of catching my son in a lie. A continuing lie and events have been very troubling to me. I know, he is only six plus years old. However, there comes a time as a parent that one must get through to a child. Exactly how does a father do this? I know that if I look back to my own childhood, the thought of doing it the way my father did it leaves me filled with sorrow. I love my son and cannot bring myself to do those types of things to him. Sure, there were plenty of great memories of my childhood with my father, but the harsh ones stand out among the memories for some reason.
My beautiful, handsome son, if you ever read this and look back on this night; I hope you do so with a smile and a fondness. There was no yelling, no hitting, no swearing, and no spanking. It was a talk. Yes, the talk was firm and I explained the consequences of privileges that could be lost if this behavior continues. I hope you learn that honesty is always the best avenue to take. Hold yourself to a higher standard. In your life, when you have made a mistake or have done something wrong, stand a little taller. Speak the truth and be quick to apologize and hold yourself accountable. I know your explanation was, you did not want to get in trouble. I can only offer this advice. Lying compounds the problem and gets you in deeper trouble.
"If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings." ---Brian Tracy
People the world over have yet to learn this. Politicians and famous people have never lived up to this and in the end lying always brings you down. Son, when in life you have done something wrong and it finds its way back to you, take pause. Stand tall, look them in the eyes and apologize. Be quick to accept responsibility and offer a solution to make things right again. It is without a doubt the more difficult and less traveled path. It is also the path to respect and forgiveness. I love you and I stand by you. As long as I walk upon this Earth, I will always love you and be proud of you. Especially, in those difficult times in life if you stand a little taller and always take a higher road.
I remember the day with alarming clarity. It is as vivid and powerful today as it was almost thirteen years ago. The day I speak of is the day I became a father. I cannot remember ever really wanting to be or having an enormous desire to be a father. If I am honest, I never really gave it great thought when I was younger. I occasionally wondered what it would be like, but I was perfectly satisfied with life if it never happened.
That November day a decade plus nearly three years ago would change my life like no other before or after. The person that never gave being a father much thought did in fact become a father. It rocked my world and has every day since. I became the father of a gorgeous little baby girl that day.
Being a father is a complicated issue. I am blessed to actually be the father of two, a young boy about to become seven. I know that I would willingly give my life for either of my children without hesitation if it would preserve theirs. If you want to see the ugliest side of my character, hurt one of my children. I deeply love my children, oddly I never really felt loved by my own father.
Saturday evening I had the displeasure of catching my son in a lie. A continuing lie and events have been very troubling to me. I know, he is only six plus years old. However, there comes a time as a parent that one must get through to a child. Exactly how does a father do this? I know that if I look back to my own childhood, the thought of doing it the way my father did it leaves me filled with sorrow. I love my son and cannot bring myself to do those types of things to him. Sure, there were plenty of great memories of my childhood with my father, but the harsh ones stand out among the memories for some reason.
My beautiful, handsome son, if you ever read this and look back on this night; I hope you do so with a smile and a fondness. There was no yelling, no hitting, no swearing, and no spanking. It was a talk. Yes, the talk was firm and I explained the consequences of privileges that could be lost if this behavior continues. I hope you learn that honesty is always the best avenue to take. Hold yourself to a higher standard. In your life, when you have made a mistake or have done something wrong, stand a little taller. Speak the truth and be quick to apologize and hold yourself accountable. I know your explanation was, you did not want to get in trouble. I can only offer this advice. Lying compounds the problem and gets you in deeper trouble.
"If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings." ---Brian Tracy
People the world over have yet to learn this. Politicians and famous people have never lived up to this and in the end lying always brings you down. Son, when in life you have done something wrong and it finds its way back to you, take pause. Stand tall, look them in the eyes and apologize. Be quick to accept responsibility and offer a solution to make things right again. It is without a doubt the more difficult and less traveled path. It is also the path to respect and forgiveness. I love you and I stand by you. As long as I walk upon this Earth, I will always love you and be proud of you. Especially, in those difficult times in life if you stand a little taller and always take a higher road.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Freedom is so Easy to Overlook
“Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.” ---Optimus Prime
The weekend of July 4 2011, will be an American Independence Day that I will not soon forget, if ever. I live in a state where aerial fireworks have been illegal my entire life. This year our state legislature decided to allow certain types of these high-flying, colorful explosives. Personally, I have no opinion on either side of the argument for or against these marvelous explosives. In addition, my state decided to allow them for almost the entire month as we celebrate our State Heritage at the end of July and it is a state holiday.
"Freedom is the recognition that no single person, no single authority or government has a monopoly on the truth, but that every individual life is infinitely precious, that every one of us put in this world has been put there for a reason and has something to offer." ---Ronald Reagan
One evening during Independence weekend, I sat in the dark in my kitchen looking to the darkened skies of the East. I could hear the continuous thunder of explosives going off in the sky. I scanned the skies and an amazing, color crowded, somewhat chaotic scene filled my eyes. I was witnessing more than a dozen different fireworks shows, with intermittent occasional blasts from those less aggressive. I will never forget a spectacle like the one I witnessed.
People were so thrilled to have the freedom to purchase these fireworks, light and blast into the skies their own colorful explosives. It was as if every neighborhood screamed from the skies the joy and delight of having freedom, fun and the right to party as they saw fit. I could hear the screams of joy and approval late into the night and early morning hours.
"Within each of us lies the power of our consent to health and sickness, to riches and poverty, to freedom and to slavery. It is we who control these, and not another." ---Richard Bach
When I went to bed and attempted to drift off to sleep, I remember hearing the continuous blasts and thought of others less fortunate. It sounded as though bombs were going off in the near and far distance. I wondered if this is what it sounds to those whose cities get bombed while they sleep at night. I am sure that would be a very frightening experience. Sounds of bombs landing and exploding all over your city, not knowing where the next one will land and explode. I thought of children in their beds hearing such explosions of destruction. Like the spectacle I experienced of joy and celebration, I am sure many have the like spectacle of horror of a city bombed.
The freedoms we celebrate in this country (USA) are really like no other. Tied to that independence is the freedom to dream, but more appropriately the right to act and follow those dreams. Actually, we are shaming our independence and freedom when we do not dream and act upon those dreams. Countless men and women have paid with their lives to allow us that privilege.
In this country (USA) we have the freedom to dream a business or career and then have the right to pursue it with no interference. Yes, those that steal and destroy dreams litter the path, but only you and I will determine the outcome. The road is difficult and filled with challenges. This road to our dreams is a road that you can choose to take or decline. There is nothing wrong with declining the road so much as you are content and living a joyful life. However, a life of passion and accomplishment awaits those that accept the challenge and fight through the difficulties.
Freedom is something we take for granted every day and we forget exactly what responsibility that entails.
"If the cruelties of slavery could not stop us, the opposition we now face will surely fail. Because the goal of America is freedom, abused and scorned tho' we may be, our destiny is tied up with America's destiny." ---Martin Luther King
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ---Abraham Lincoln
"I have crossed over on the backs of Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman and Fannie Lou Hamer and Madame C.J. Walker. Because of them I can now live the dream. I am the seed of the free, and I know it. I intend to bear great fruit." ---Oprah Winfrey
Shared from Stacy:
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." ---Henry David Thoreau
The weekend of July 4 2011, will be an American Independence Day that I will not soon forget, if ever. I live in a state where aerial fireworks have been illegal my entire life. This year our state legislature decided to allow certain types of these high-flying, colorful explosives. Personally, I have no opinion on either side of the argument for or against these marvelous explosives. In addition, my state decided to allow them for almost the entire month as we celebrate our State Heritage at the end of July and it is a state holiday.
"Freedom is the recognition that no single person, no single authority or government has a monopoly on the truth, but that every individual life is infinitely precious, that every one of us put in this world has been put there for a reason and has something to offer." ---Ronald Reagan
One evening during Independence weekend, I sat in the dark in my kitchen looking to the darkened skies of the East. I could hear the continuous thunder of explosives going off in the sky. I scanned the skies and an amazing, color crowded, somewhat chaotic scene filled my eyes. I was witnessing more than a dozen different fireworks shows, with intermittent occasional blasts from those less aggressive. I will never forget a spectacle like the one I witnessed.
People were so thrilled to have the freedom to purchase these fireworks, light and blast into the skies their own colorful explosives. It was as if every neighborhood screamed from the skies the joy and delight of having freedom, fun and the right to party as they saw fit. I could hear the screams of joy and approval late into the night and early morning hours.
"Within each of us lies the power of our consent to health and sickness, to riches and poverty, to freedom and to slavery. It is we who control these, and not another." ---Richard Bach
When I went to bed and attempted to drift off to sleep, I remember hearing the continuous blasts and thought of others less fortunate. It sounded as though bombs were going off in the near and far distance. I wondered if this is what it sounds to those whose cities get bombed while they sleep at night. I am sure that would be a very frightening experience. Sounds of bombs landing and exploding all over your city, not knowing where the next one will land and explode. I thought of children in their beds hearing such explosions of destruction. Like the spectacle I experienced of joy and celebration, I am sure many have the like spectacle of horror of a city bombed.
The freedoms we celebrate in this country (USA) are really like no other. Tied to that independence is the freedom to dream, but more appropriately the right to act and follow those dreams. Actually, we are shaming our independence and freedom when we do not dream and act upon those dreams. Countless men and women have paid with their lives to allow us that privilege.
In this country (USA) we have the freedom to dream a business or career and then have the right to pursue it with no interference. Yes, those that steal and destroy dreams litter the path, but only you and I will determine the outcome. The road is difficult and filled with challenges. This road to our dreams is a road that you can choose to take or decline. There is nothing wrong with declining the road so much as you are content and living a joyful life. However, a life of passion and accomplishment awaits those that accept the challenge and fight through the difficulties.
Freedom is something we take for granted every day and we forget exactly what responsibility that entails.
"If the cruelties of slavery could not stop us, the opposition we now face will surely fail. Because the goal of America is freedom, abused and scorned tho' we may be, our destiny is tied up with America's destiny." ---Martin Luther King
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ---Abraham Lincoln
"I have crossed over on the backs of Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman and Fannie Lou Hamer and Madame C.J. Walker. Because of them I can now live the dream. I am the seed of the free, and I know it. I intend to bear great fruit." ---Oprah Winfrey
Shared from Stacy:
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler." ---Henry David Thoreau
Sunday, June 19, 2011
We just do not understand Love
"Oft expectation fails, and most oft where most it promises; and oft it hits where hope is coldest; and despair most sits." ---William Shakespeare
Love [luhv] -- a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
There it is the official definition of love when used as a noun. Why is it that we humans screw this up so badly? Imagine for a moment if the Lord managed to screw up this most important part of life. How long would this world last? Perhaps, love for a child is far greater than any other type of love.
Look at divorce statistics or perhaps, like me, you can just draw on personal experience. Why is it that two people set out on a journey together and for reasons unknown allow outside influences to seek out and destroy that relationship? Many times the two in love see the world from two completely different lenses.
I find it odd that after a relationship marriage or otherwise, we humans confess that we would have absolutely no interest in the person with whom we were once involved. Perhaps it comes down to personal growth. I know in my own experience, we desired different outcomes for the future. Our individual personal growth charts no longer charted the same course.
On this Father’s day, my heart goes out to all the fathers that desired to, but were not able to spend time with their children due to failed relationships. Fortunately, I traded a custody day to spend time with my beautiful children on Father’s day. It was a wonderful morning filled with smiles and laughter. As mentioned above, as our Father in Heaven knows, there is nothing quite like the love for a child.
I am so grateful that I am able to share my beautiful children and have once again found love. Our personal growth charts are more appropriately aligned and the negative and destructive outside influences that were present on both sides of my past relationship have been removed. I look forward to a brilliant future filled with love, laughter and personal growth.
"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain." ---Leo Buscaglia
"There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child." ---Henry Ward Beecher
Love [luhv] -- a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
There it is the official definition of love when used as a noun. Why is it that we humans screw this up so badly? Imagine for a moment if the Lord managed to screw up this most important part of life. How long would this world last? Perhaps, love for a child is far greater than any other type of love.
Look at divorce statistics or perhaps, like me, you can just draw on personal experience. Why is it that two people set out on a journey together and for reasons unknown allow outside influences to seek out and destroy that relationship? Many times the two in love see the world from two completely different lenses.
I find it odd that after a relationship marriage or otherwise, we humans confess that we would have absolutely no interest in the person with whom we were once involved. Perhaps it comes down to personal growth. I know in my own experience, we desired different outcomes for the future. Our individual personal growth charts no longer charted the same course.
On this Father’s day, my heart goes out to all the fathers that desired to, but were not able to spend time with their children due to failed relationships. Fortunately, I traded a custody day to spend time with my beautiful children on Father’s day. It was a wonderful morning filled with smiles and laughter. As mentioned above, as our Father in Heaven knows, there is nothing quite like the love for a child.
I am so grateful that I am able to share my beautiful children and have once again found love. Our personal growth charts are more appropriately aligned and the negative and destructive outside influences that were present on both sides of my past relationship have been removed. I look forward to a brilliant future filled with love, laughter and personal growth.
"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain." ---Leo Buscaglia
"There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child." ---Henry Ward Beecher
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Dreams – Illusive or Attainable?
"If life is a book we write, it should be a book of dreams. And even if they don't all come true, at least the story will still be amazing." ---Eytan Rockaway
During the past several months, I have questioned whether dreams can actually be attained. Life has a way of knocking us on our butts and making us look around and question everything, including our resolve. We find ourselves treading water and just fighting for the next moment, another day, even praying for another week. Wondering will this ever end, will there come a day when all this that has weighed us down; be lifted from our souls?
Two weeks ago, I came upon a sight that made me take pause. Briefly, I was frozen at the majestic spectacle before my eyes. It was five o’clock in the morning and the moon was bright. The sun, while not yet peeking over the mountains to the east, had cast enough light that things could be seen in the darkness. I was at the controls of a train and as I looked to the North while I was holding at a red signal, I witnessed the awesome evidence of dreams. This rail line passes right through the center of town. It passes right through the middle of high-rise buildings on both sides for three city blocks.
The dark buildings, not yet bustling with business or people stood there in the darkness. There was enough light from the moon and soon to raise sun, to show the grandness of these structures. There were a few lights on in the buildings, but many lights were shining on the buildings to show their splendor to the world. It was an amazing sight of new and old architecture coming together. Each structure has an amazing story of how it became what it now is. However, that is just a hint of what these structures stand for and have witnessed.
It began with an empty field and a dream to build a grand structure. Someone somewhere would not let those that would destroy their visions and dreams win the day. They fought through every challenge to build this mighty structure. That is just the beginning of dreams won and lost in such a mighty structure. There were businesses started in space leased. Businesses that failed in another space leased. Many relationships took blossom and flourished when the many people of this structure came together. Many of those relationships may have destroyed other relationships that were already formed. Many people celebrated from a job earned. Many have walked out disheartened from a job lost.
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." ---Oscar Wilde
Through it all, the mighty structures that stand so grand call out to us all. Dreams and the realization of those dreams are not for the faint of heart. It takes something special to realize our dreams. It takes someone special to tread water and find a path from where we are to where we desire to be. There is a local man that turned his drug addiction into an experience to teach and educate others. Meanwhile his extraordinary wife stood by him and they now pursue dreams together. Another man loses his job when his large employer closed down. Then he starts a small business and grows it into a wonderful business employing many.
They stand like kings and invite us all to enter and dream. They show their grand spectacle to all who desire to gaze upon them. They call out to us that the world would be flat and dimensionless if not for the dreams of humans. Like the Lords Mountains, dreamers saw a flat piece of land with weeds and built upon it a massive structure that leaves us breathless. Dreams are not for the faint of heart, but attainable they are for the special person that can overcome.
"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." ---Harriet Tubman
"The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something. It's as simple as that. A lot of people have ideas, but there are few who decide to do something about them now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today. The true entrepreneur is a doer, not a dreamer." ---Nolan Bushnell
"Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way." ---Les Brown
During the past several months, I have questioned whether dreams can actually be attained. Life has a way of knocking us on our butts and making us look around and question everything, including our resolve. We find ourselves treading water and just fighting for the next moment, another day, even praying for another week. Wondering will this ever end, will there come a day when all this that has weighed us down; be lifted from our souls?
Two weeks ago, I came upon a sight that made me take pause. Briefly, I was frozen at the majestic spectacle before my eyes. It was five o’clock in the morning and the moon was bright. The sun, while not yet peeking over the mountains to the east, had cast enough light that things could be seen in the darkness. I was at the controls of a train and as I looked to the North while I was holding at a red signal, I witnessed the awesome evidence of dreams. This rail line passes right through the center of town. It passes right through the middle of high-rise buildings on both sides for three city blocks.
The dark buildings, not yet bustling with business or people stood there in the darkness. There was enough light from the moon and soon to raise sun, to show the grandness of these structures. There were a few lights on in the buildings, but many lights were shining on the buildings to show their splendor to the world. It was an amazing sight of new and old architecture coming together. Each structure has an amazing story of how it became what it now is. However, that is just a hint of what these structures stand for and have witnessed.
It began with an empty field and a dream to build a grand structure. Someone somewhere would not let those that would destroy their visions and dreams win the day. They fought through every challenge to build this mighty structure. That is just the beginning of dreams won and lost in such a mighty structure. There were businesses started in space leased. Businesses that failed in another space leased. Many relationships took blossom and flourished when the many people of this structure came together. Many of those relationships may have destroyed other relationships that were already formed. Many people celebrated from a job earned. Many have walked out disheartened from a job lost.
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." ---Oscar Wilde
Through it all, the mighty structures that stand so grand call out to us all. Dreams and the realization of those dreams are not for the faint of heart. It takes something special to realize our dreams. It takes someone special to tread water and find a path from where we are to where we desire to be. There is a local man that turned his drug addiction into an experience to teach and educate others. Meanwhile his extraordinary wife stood by him and they now pursue dreams together. Another man loses his job when his large employer closed down. Then he starts a small business and grows it into a wonderful business employing many.
They stand like kings and invite us all to enter and dream. They show their grand spectacle to all who desire to gaze upon them. They call out to us that the world would be flat and dimensionless if not for the dreams of humans. Like the Lords Mountains, dreamers saw a flat piece of land with weeds and built upon it a massive structure that leaves us breathless. Dreams are not for the faint of heart, but attainable they are for the special person that can overcome.
"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world." ---Harriet Tubman
"The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something. It's as simple as that. A lot of people have ideas, but there are few who decide to do something about them now. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today. The true entrepreneur is a doer, not a dreamer." ---Nolan Bushnell
"Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way." ---Les Brown
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I am Alive!
I know it has been quite awhile since I posted on this blog. I have had much going on in my life. I like the positive, so I will only share the positive things that have taken place.
I'M MARRIED!!! What? Are you crazy? It's too soon! Yadda, yadda, yadda and a whole lot more yadda. ;-) Yes, after four months of dating and knowing each other; I married a wonderful woman named Shelby. She is an amazing, beautiful, selfless person. I love her and my children adore and love her. Shelby loves my children and it shows in how she treats them and how drawn they are to her.
"The glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is in the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yes, it will take work, patience and love as we navigate our way through the sometimes tumultuous waters of marriage. However, I hold faith that we will stay the course and through the Lord make our home a wonderful, loving, safe haven from the often horrible things of the outside world.
Last week my gorgeous new bride and I started a weight loss challenge. Her teenage son joined us in the twelve week challenge. My beautiful wife talks a mean game and knows some of the best on-court trash-talking methods I've ever heard. I especially enjoyed the, "I will smash you and then have to pick up your broken, tattered male-ego". I absolutely love this kind of competition. Bring it on Mrs. Hurley! After week one, the trash talking has subsided a bit as numero uno came in at a 1.7% weight loss for week one. My beautiful bride not far behind at just under 1% loss for the week. I will keep you posted. This week I have indulged a bit and she may gain some real ground. Uh-oh!
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." ---Bill Cosby
Once again, my heart is full and my smile returns. I am not without pain or sorrow as I do not see my amazing children nearly enough. I am a blessed man and the Lord has blessed me with two amazing children, a second chance with love and two wonderful step-children. When my birth-children are with us it is an amazing experience and I can feel the Lord's presence in this home. When the house is full at these times, there are unlimited smiles and the sound of laughter fills the halls of our home.
"May God give you...For every storm a rainbow, for every tear a smile, for every care a promise and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share, for every sigh a sweet song and an answer for each prayer." ---Irish Blessings
I'M MARRIED!!! What? Are you crazy? It's too soon! Yadda, yadda, yadda and a whole lot more yadda. ;-) Yes, after four months of dating and knowing each other; I married a wonderful woman named Shelby. She is an amazing, beautiful, selfless person. I love her and my children adore and love her. Shelby loves my children and it shows in how she treats them and how drawn they are to her.
"The glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is in the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yes, it will take work, patience and love as we navigate our way through the sometimes tumultuous waters of marriage. However, I hold faith that we will stay the course and through the Lord make our home a wonderful, loving, safe haven from the often horrible things of the outside world.
Last week my gorgeous new bride and I started a weight loss challenge. Her teenage son joined us in the twelve week challenge. My beautiful wife talks a mean game and knows some of the best on-court trash-talking methods I've ever heard. I especially enjoyed the, "I will smash you and then have to pick up your broken, tattered male-ego". I absolutely love this kind of competition. Bring it on Mrs. Hurley! After week one, the trash talking has subsided a bit as numero uno came in at a 1.7% weight loss for week one. My beautiful bride not far behind at just under 1% loss for the week. I will keep you posted. This week I have indulged a bit and she may gain some real ground. Uh-oh!
"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it." ---Bill Cosby
Once again, my heart is full and my smile returns. I am not without pain or sorrow as I do not see my amazing children nearly enough. I am a blessed man and the Lord has blessed me with two amazing children, a second chance with love and two wonderful step-children. When my birth-children are with us it is an amazing experience and I can feel the Lord's presence in this home. When the house is full at these times, there are unlimited smiles and the sound of laughter fills the halls of our home.
"May God give you...For every storm a rainbow, for every tear a smile, for every care a promise and a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share, for every sigh a sweet song and an answer for each prayer." ---Irish Blessings
Friday, March 4, 2011
Spring Come Forward
"Optimism is a seed sown in the soil of faith; pessimism is a seed hoarded in the vault of doubt." ---William Ward
Spring is nearing and soon the tulips blossoming in vibrant colors showing the world their beauty and grace. Leaves are peaking through the branches of trees, wondering if it is safe to come forward and spread their wings. The brown grass that abandoned its color for a brownish, lifeless existence is once again transforming into a soft green carpet for the children to run and play. The sun now shining in far greater abundance is beginning to warm the air, the ground and the soul. Spring is near and with it comes a new beginning for nature. Everything around us begins to regain its forgotten color, once again grab your attention, and leave you breathless at the beauty this world provides all of us.
"In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,When birds do sing, hey ding a ding;Sweet lovers love the spring." ---William Shakespeare
Humanity once again begins to emerge and revisit parks and the many places abandoned due to the cold winter. Large snow piles are melting quickly. Storms filled with snow and cold are slowly replaced with storms of cleansing rain. Feeling the sun warm your skin and taking in the beauty all around you is something most take for granted. The complete makeover that spring brings with it and the new beginning for plants and color is amazing. It is our world starting over with a new optimism.
I feel that this is my spring and that my life is at a point of starting over. Nearly two hundred pounds left behind, a divorce that shattered my family, leaving me stunned and confused. The financial difficulty that accompanies divorce is shocking and life altering. Watching the pain my children had to endure through no fault of their own. Accepting a new job, dating and laying the foundation for the rest of my life were daunting. Witnessing the Lord find me and in return finding him. Saying goodbye to many from my past and meeting new friends for the present and future was difficult, but rewarding. Letting go of the dock and exploring the sea of life is sometimes scary, but infinitely filled with personal growth and enjoyment. Meeting, dating and falling in love with a woman who tells me she fell in love with my children before she fell in love with me.
"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." ---Frank Clark
Like spring, no matter where you find yourself, life can renew. No matter the challenges or the obstacles before you, it is possible to overcome and conquer. It all begins with optimism, belief in you and determination. Nearly two-hundred pounds left behind began with a first step taken and a first day of eating differently. A shattered personal life began with a prayer, realization, and acceptance of my role, her role and recognizing what led everyone down that path. Our lives are filled with challenges and many lie ahead. It is how we rebound or rebuild from those challenges that determine our worth and the value we add to our children’s lives. I can say from experience that no matter the challenge, no matter the hardship, that like a beautiful, colorful spring; we have the ability for a new beginning and the ability to design the life we desire. A life the empowers and shows by example to the children we love that defeat and surrender are not an option. It is with great joy, excitement and anticipation that I wait for spring, and like it, continue to renew and rebuild.
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." ---Christopher Reeve
"Goals are a means to an end, not the ultimate purpose of our lives. They are simply a tool to concentrate our focus and move us in a direction. The only reason we really pursue goals is to cause ourselves to expand and grow. Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term; it's who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of fulfillment." ---Anthony Robbins
Spring is nearing and soon the tulips blossoming in vibrant colors showing the world their beauty and grace. Leaves are peaking through the branches of trees, wondering if it is safe to come forward and spread their wings. The brown grass that abandoned its color for a brownish, lifeless existence is once again transforming into a soft green carpet for the children to run and play. The sun now shining in far greater abundance is beginning to warm the air, the ground and the soul. Spring is near and with it comes a new beginning for nature. Everything around us begins to regain its forgotten color, once again grab your attention, and leave you breathless at the beauty this world provides all of us.
"In the spring time, the only pretty ring time,When birds do sing, hey ding a ding;Sweet lovers love the spring." ---William Shakespeare
Humanity once again begins to emerge and revisit parks and the many places abandoned due to the cold winter. Large snow piles are melting quickly. Storms filled with snow and cold are slowly replaced with storms of cleansing rain. Feeling the sun warm your skin and taking in the beauty all around you is something most take for granted. The complete makeover that spring brings with it and the new beginning for plants and color is amazing. It is our world starting over with a new optimism.
I feel that this is my spring and that my life is at a point of starting over. Nearly two hundred pounds left behind, a divorce that shattered my family, leaving me stunned and confused. The financial difficulty that accompanies divorce is shocking and life altering. Watching the pain my children had to endure through no fault of their own. Accepting a new job, dating and laying the foundation for the rest of my life were daunting. Witnessing the Lord find me and in return finding him. Saying goodbye to many from my past and meeting new friends for the present and future was difficult, but rewarding. Letting go of the dock and exploring the sea of life is sometimes scary, but infinitely filled with personal growth and enjoyment. Meeting, dating and falling in love with a woman who tells me she fell in love with my children before she fell in love with me.
"If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." ---Frank Clark
Like spring, no matter where you find yourself, life can renew. No matter the challenges or the obstacles before you, it is possible to overcome and conquer. It all begins with optimism, belief in you and determination. Nearly two-hundred pounds left behind began with a first step taken and a first day of eating differently. A shattered personal life began with a prayer, realization, and acceptance of my role, her role and recognizing what led everyone down that path. Our lives are filled with challenges and many lie ahead. It is how we rebound or rebuild from those challenges that determine our worth and the value we add to our children’s lives. I can say from experience that no matter the challenge, no matter the hardship, that like a beautiful, colorful spring; we have the ability for a new beginning and the ability to design the life we desire. A life the empowers and shows by example to the children we love that defeat and surrender are not an option. It is with great joy, excitement and anticipation that I wait for spring, and like it, continue to renew and rebuild.
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." ---Christopher Reeve
"Goals are a means to an end, not the ultimate purpose of our lives. They are simply a tool to concentrate our focus and move us in a direction. The only reason we really pursue goals is to cause ourselves to expand and grow. Achieving goals by themselves will never make us happy in the long term; it's who you become, as you overcome the obstacles necessary to achieve your goals, that can give you the deepest and most long-lasting sense of fulfillment." ---Anthony Robbins
Thursday, March 3, 2011
My Scale Hates Me
"It is ironic that we focus on weight loss, when the real challenge is weight maintenance." ---James Hill
I have a very nice digital scale that is designed for larger folks. I purchased this scale a couple of years ago and finding a scale that goes over 400 pounds at the local Target is not really happening. I ordered this scale from an online pharmacy and it measures up to 500 pounds. When I began my journey, it read a whopping 432 pounds after a month of dieting. My scale has endured a great many scathing from me throughout the past two plus years. There were many good days and weeks when I lavished the scale with praise. A beautiful scale would tell a person they are lighter. A beautiful scale would inform a person that not all their work for the week was in vain and resulting in no loss or worse, a gain. Yes, my scale had many beautiful days and weeks those past two years. My question now is what the hell is wrong with its attitude?
"A person's activity level is a better predictor of weight gain and loss. In other words, for those wishing to lose weight, changing your diet may not be enough." ---Judy Cameron
I have done nothing to harm you and yet you continue to show me stuck at the same weight. I hold you responsible for this and if you do not improve your attitude, I am going to send you packing to the DI or Salvation Army Thrift Store. I provide shelter, food in the finest of batteries and a very nice place to rest. In return, you have laughed at me and mocked me when I stand upon you. I come to you each week with a positive attitude, wanting to share my enthusiasm with you. Week after week since Christmas, you have sent me away after raining on my parade. I let you into my intimate world. Only you have had the displeasure of watching my strip tease to negotiate the numbers into a more acceptable reading. Stop already, I have nothing left to disrobe. It does not get any more removed than nakey.
"If worry were an effective weight-loss program, women would be invisible." ---Nancy Drew
I had a hint of doubt before I allowed you into my life. I wondered if we were compatible. I was not sure I liked your name. Tanita is a nice name, but for me it did not sound as though we could have a healthy long-term relationship. I hope I was not correct those two-plus years ago. I am going to make you this promise Tanita. During the next seven days, I will do my part and workout, eat correctly and adjust my program. If you treat me fairly next week, you can stay and we just may be able to salvage this relationship. Fail me and it will be the Thrift Store for you.
"We are never more discontented with others than when we are discontented with ourselves." ---Henri Frederic Amiel
"Optimism seems actually to change the nervous system and boost the immune response, just as being gloomy depresses it." ---Shelley Taylor
I have a very nice digital scale that is designed for larger folks. I purchased this scale a couple of years ago and finding a scale that goes over 400 pounds at the local Target is not really happening. I ordered this scale from an online pharmacy and it measures up to 500 pounds. When I began my journey, it read a whopping 432 pounds after a month of dieting. My scale has endured a great many scathing from me throughout the past two plus years. There were many good days and weeks when I lavished the scale with praise. A beautiful scale would tell a person they are lighter. A beautiful scale would inform a person that not all their work for the week was in vain and resulting in no loss or worse, a gain. Yes, my scale had many beautiful days and weeks those past two years. My question now is what the hell is wrong with its attitude?
"A person's activity level is a better predictor of weight gain and loss. In other words, for those wishing to lose weight, changing your diet may not be enough." ---Judy Cameron
I have done nothing to harm you and yet you continue to show me stuck at the same weight. I hold you responsible for this and if you do not improve your attitude, I am going to send you packing to the DI or Salvation Army Thrift Store. I provide shelter, food in the finest of batteries and a very nice place to rest. In return, you have laughed at me and mocked me when I stand upon you. I come to you each week with a positive attitude, wanting to share my enthusiasm with you. Week after week since Christmas, you have sent me away after raining on my parade. I let you into my intimate world. Only you have had the displeasure of watching my strip tease to negotiate the numbers into a more acceptable reading. Stop already, I have nothing left to disrobe. It does not get any more removed than nakey.
"If worry were an effective weight-loss program, women would be invisible." ---Nancy Drew
I had a hint of doubt before I allowed you into my life. I wondered if we were compatible. I was not sure I liked your name. Tanita is a nice name, but for me it did not sound as though we could have a healthy long-term relationship. I hope I was not correct those two-plus years ago. I am going to make you this promise Tanita. During the next seven days, I will do my part and workout, eat correctly and adjust my program. If you treat me fairly next week, you can stay and we just may be able to salvage this relationship. Fail me and it will be the Thrift Store for you.
"We are never more discontented with others than when we are discontented with ourselves." ---Henri Frederic Amiel
"Optimism seems actually to change the nervous system and boost the immune response, just as being gloomy depresses it." ---Shelley Taylor
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The Ship is Once Again Seeking the Horizon
"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon-instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today." ---Dale Carnegie
It is amazing how easily our lives can become so off track. Divorce, new job, financial restructures, dating, not dating, and the list continues. The past eight weeks have been all over the place for me. I ventured into a new job and the training schedule was insane and allowed very little time for anything but work and sleep. Now that the training is complete and I have settled into the job, my schedule is once again becoming manageable.
"A well-ordered life is like climbing a tower; the view halfway up is better than the view from the base, and it steadily becomes finer as the horizon expands." ---William Phelps
Dating has been very interesting and I am not sure the word fun comes to mind. During my dating, I have encountered many wonderful women. There was one woman that really earned a spot in my heart, only to hear the words, can we just be friends. I certainly can do that and that is exactly what we have become. I find it odd that in dating when a person decides that they no longer want to play the game and have heard the “can we just be friends” for the last time; that someone suddenly appears that seems to steal the show and find a way to your heart. That is exactly what has happened to me and I find this woman has me smiling and laughing again. My children adore her and her children. How can I not like a woman that tells me the following when I suggested we take the kids and all go bowling. Todd, that is not a good idea, because I will smash you and have to pick up the pieces of your bruised and battered ego, blah, blah blah. Yes, she is a bit competitive and I love it.
My weight loss is back on track. Since the holidays, I would lose a few and then gain a few. I have been maintaining my weight. Don’t you love the drama and how I go on instead of just saying I am maintaining. Well, I need and desire to drop the last of these stubborn pounds and I desire to do so before summer. I am back on a regular schedule at work and I am once again able to prepare and be prepared with my food. The woman I am dating asked me what I wanted for dinner as she invited my children and me to dinner. I said, I am back on my program so I only desire a salad. She replied, Todd the only thing I ever see you eat is salad. :-O
"Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A word of optimism and hope. And you can do it when things are tough." ---Richard DeVos
I hope that I will now be more stable and able to update and allow people to glimpse into the world of a highly confused man once again. I am feeling much more positive and confident in the future and my journey. I have a very good friend going through a very rough time in his life. I responded with a brief message. I mentioned that time heals or forms scar tissue over all problems in our lives. His response rather caught me off guard. He responded, you would know, you have lived it my dear friend. Looking back on the past two years, yes my friend I have. Time is the great healer and if you allow the Lord to assist, you will definitely come out on top.
"Optimism is the cheerful frame of mind that enables a teakettle to sing, though in hot water up to its nose." ---Source Unknown
"Every person has the power to make others happy. Some do it simply by entering a room -- others by leaving the room. Some individuals leave trails of gloom; others, trails of joy. Some leave trails of hate and bitterness; others, trails of love and harmony. Some leave trails of cynicism and pessimism; others trails of faith and optimism. Some leave trails of criticism and resignation; others trails of gratitude and hope. What kind of trails do you leave?" ---William Ward
It is amazing how easily our lives can become so off track. Divorce, new job, financial restructures, dating, not dating, and the list continues. The past eight weeks have been all over the place for me. I ventured into a new job and the training schedule was insane and allowed very little time for anything but work and sleep. Now that the training is complete and I have settled into the job, my schedule is once again becoming manageable.
"A well-ordered life is like climbing a tower; the view halfway up is better than the view from the base, and it steadily becomes finer as the horizon expands." ---William Phelps
Dating has been very interesting and I am not sure the word fun comes to mind. During my dating, I have encountered many wonderful women. There was one woman that really earned a spot in my heart, only to hear the words, can we just be friends. I certainly can do that and that is exactly what we have become. I find it odd that in dating when a person decides that they no longer want to play the game and have heard the “can we just be friends” for the last time; that someone suddenly appears that seems to steal the show and find a way to your heart. That is exactly what has happened to me and I find this woman has me smiling and laughing again. My children adore her and her children. How can I not like a woman that tells me the following when I suggested we take the kids and all go bowling. Todd, that is not a good idea, because I will smash you and have to pick up the pieces of your bruised and battered ego, blah, blah blah. Yes, she is a bit competitive and I love it.
My weight loss is back on track. Since the holidays, I would lose a few and then gain a few. I have been maintaining my weight. Don’t you love the drama and how I go on instead of just saying I am maintaining. Well, I need and desire to drop the last of these stubborn pounds and I desire to do so before summer. I am back on a regular schedule at work and I am once again able to prepare and be prepared with my food. The woman I am dating asked me what I wanted for dinner as she invited my children and me to dinner. I said, I am back on my program so I only desire a salad. She replied, Todd the only thing I ever see you eat is salad. :-O
"Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A word of optimism and hope. And you can do it when things are tough." ---Richard DeVos
I hope that I will now be more stable and able to update and allow people to glimpse into the world of a highly confused man once again. I am feeling much more positive and confident in the future and my journey. I have a very good friend going through a very rough time in his life. I responded with a brief message. I mentioned that time heals or forms scar tissue over all problems in our lives. His response rather caught me off guard. He responded, you would know, you have lived it my dear friend. Looking back on the past two years, yes my friend I have. Time is the great healer and if you allow the Lord to assist, you will definitely come out on top.
"Optimism is the cheerful frame of mind that enables a teakettle to sing, though in hot water up to its nose." ---Source Unknown
"Every person has the power to make others happy. Some do it simply by entering a room -- others by leaving the room. Some individuals leave trails of gloom; others, trails of joy. Some leave trails of hate and bitterness; others, trails of love and harmony. Some leave trails of cynicism and pessimism; others trails of faith and optimism. Some leave trails of criticism and resignation; others trails of gratitude and hope. What kind of trails do you leave?" ---William Ward
Monday, February 7, 2011
Dating is not for the Faint of Heart
"There are four questions of value in life... What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love." ---Johnny Depp
I thought I would share a few of my experiences in the dating world thus far. I have to admit that I never liked dating, even when I was younger. I like spending time with that special someone; the process of finding that special someone is undesirable. Many of the women I have dated are tremendous, beautiful women and I am not worthy. They had no problem letting me know that and a few other comments along the way. I had one experience where I took an attractive woman out to eat and we began talking. I sensed that she might have a little anger bottled up inside her and asked how she processes anger. Thankfully, she said she never gets angry because that can ruin relationships. Then she informs me that she is a disciplinarian and has no problem shouting at her children. I ask, you shout at your children. Suddenly, in a very elevated and loud voice with a red face blasts out; did you not just hear me? I said I have no problem shouting at my children to get what I want! Everyone around us stopped eating, conversing, and stared in our direction. No, she has no anger issues at all.
Another experience includes a date where this woman sneezed constantly. This was no ordinary sneeze. It is a constant, extremely loud and frightening type of sneeze that made people stare. The first time she did it, I nearly had a heart attack. Imagine sitting in a movie theater and the movie playing. Suddenly, the loudest foghorn sounds less than two feet from your ear. Everyone in the theater laughed because it scared us all. I can overlook many things, including snoring and other bodily noises, but a decibel-deafening sneeze is a bit much for me. It is like someone blasting that foghorn when you least expect throughout the day and evening.
"Alas, how love can trifle with itself!" ---William Shakespeare
My favorite experience thus far is the woman that wanted to have sex less than ten minutes into meeting each other. Why is this my favorite? Because I am, a shy boy and it really caught me off guard. This woman had no idea who I was, what my back ground was, if I was disease free, nothing known and apparently nothing needed. I had heard stories of men having dates like this, but shy boy Todd ever having a date like that seemed unrealistic. However, in real world it was frightening. I hold intimacy as a deeper connection with someone you love. I guess I would not have done well in the sixties. Sex just to have sex and feel good, is just not my way. However, if I am honest I will say it was tempting.
In conclusion, I would like to say that I have had many dates with wonderful women that were wonderful experiences. Many said no to another date, which makes me wonder if I am being written about on a blog somewhere about my horrible habit or behavior. That is a frightening thought that someone would find me undesirable. Okay, that sentence makes me laugh. The whole reason I am dating is someone found me undesirable.
Dating and weight loss or weight reduction are very similar indeed. Whether you are a man or woman dating, sometimes it is such a great feeling to shed something you no longer desire. Unfortunately, it is not such a great feeling if you are the one being shed. Dating is fun and exciting with the right person and uncomfortable at best with the wrong person. The first meeting, the first date, the first kiss, the first everything has so much meaning and message that it can be overwhelming. Oddly, I am not nervous at all about this process. When I was a young boy dating, I thought I would die walking up to a girl’s door. Now, I just hope no one answers the door naked.
"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to." ---Marilyn Ferguson
"Neither genius, fame, nor love show the greatness of the soul. Only kindness can do that." ---Jean Lacordaire
I thought I would share a few of my experiences in the dating world thus far. I have to admit that I never liked dating, even when I was younger. I like spending time with that special someone; the process of finding that special someone is undesirable. Many of the women I have dated are tremendous, beautiful women and I am not worthy. They had no problem letting me know that and a few other comments along the way. I had one experience where I took an attractive woman out to eat and we began talking. I sensed that she might have a little anger bottled up inside her and asked how she processes anger. Thankfully, she said she never gets angry because that can ruin relationships. Then she informs me that she is a disciplinarian and has no problem shouting at her children. I ask, you shout at your children. Suddenly, in a very elevated and loud voice with a red face blasts out; did you not just hear me? I said I have no problem shouting at my children to get what I want! Everyone around us stopped eating, conversing, and stared in our direction. No, she has no anger issues at all.
Another experience includes a date where this woman sneezed constantly. This was no ordinary sneeze. It is a constant, extremely loud and frightening type of sneeze that made people stare. The first time she did it, I nearly had a heart attack. Imagine sitting in a movie theater and the movie playing. Suddenly, the loudest foghorn sounds less than two feet from your ear. Everyone in the theater laughed because it scared us all. I can overlook many things, including snoring and other bodily noises, but a decibel-deafening sneeze is a bit much for me. It is like someone blasting that foghorn when you least expect throughout the day and evening.
"Alas, how love can trifle with itself!" ---William Shakespeare
My favorite experience thus far is the woman that wanted to have sex less than ten minutes into meeting each other. Why is this my favorite? Because I am, a shy boy and it really caught me off guard. This woman had no idea who I was, what my back ground was, if I was disease free, nothing known and apparently nothing needed. I had heard stories of men having dates like this, but shy boy Todd ever having a date like that seemed unrealistic. However, in real world it was frightening. I hold intimacy as a deeper connection with someone you love. I guess I would not have done well in the sixties. Sex just to have sex and feel good, is just not my way. However, if I am honest I will say it was tempting.
In conclusion, I would like to say that I have had many dates with wonderful women that were wonderful experiences. Many said no to another date, which makes me wonder if I am being written about on a blog somewhere about my horrible habit or behavior. That is a frightening thought that someone would find me undesirable. Okay, that sentence makes me laugh. The whole reason I am dating is someone found me undesirable.
Dating and weight loss or weight reduction are very similar indeed. Whether you are a man or woman dating, sometimes it is such a great feeling to shed something you no longer desire. Unfortunately, it is not such a great feeling if you are the one being shed. Dating is fun and exciting with the right person and uncomfortable at best with the wrong person. The first meeting, the first date, the first kiss, the first everything has so much meaning and message that it can be overwhelming. Oddly, I am not nervous at all about this process. When I was a young boy dating, I thought I would die walking up to a girl’s door. Now, I just hope no one answers the door naked.
"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to." ---Marilyn Ferguson
"Neither genius, fame, nor love show the greatness of the soul. Only kindness can do that." ---Jean Lacordaire
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A Rather Weighty Issue
"What Must I Do to Be Saved? It is impossible to ask a more weighty Question! It is deplorable that we hear it asked with no more Frequency, with nor more Agony." ---Cotton Mather
Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy it is time to get serious and kick this extra weight to the curb. I have been through some stressful moments or days in the past 60 days and while I have not gained more than water weight, I have not lost any weight at all. It is amazing what stress can do to our bodies and our eating habits. In addition, my sleep habits have been horrible and I have been trying to do too much. This guy needs to learn moderation and balance in all things. I took on a new job within the company I work for and the training was intense and it is rush, rush, rush to get the training done. There were several all-nighters and then I get home and no sleep due to various events. In addition, I seem to have the habit of doing all my communicating very late at night. I communicate with friends, male and female, during hours that the majority of people are sleeping. This would not be a bad thing; however, my day typically starts at 4am. Staying up chatting with friends and flirting with women is causing me sleep deprivation. This all needs to be balanced and rearranged so I do not continue to ignore my exercise and weight reduction program. Now is not the time for maintenance as I still have those last stubborn forty pounds.
"Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly." ---J. O'Rourke
Therefore, since it is already Sunday night and it is nearly bedtime, tomorrow I begin anew. I am setting goals to exercise a minimum of one hour per day and get back on my eating program. I want the rest of this stuff I have been packing for two decades gone before summertime. I can visualize it now, cutting the grass and then laying back in lounge chair wearing a Speedo… Blech! Even I know better than that. Seriously, it would be so wonderful to spend this entire summer back at the weight it all began. Confident, energetic and doing things I have not done in years. This is going to be the most enjoyable summer in years. Now, I had better find me a summer playmate to keep me company. ;-) I hope that my new playmate likes walks and hikes in the hills where I live. I cannot wait to play with my kids this summer. They have never known their father at his regular, recommended healthy weight. This will be a summer to remember. Amazing how that works. Last summer was a summer we would never forget and this summer will be a summer to remember. It seems that father time is the great healer and equalizer.
"Adversity is the first path to truth; He who hath proved war, storm, or woman's rage, Whether his winters be eighteen or eighty, Has won the experience which is deemed so weighty" ---Lord Byron
"Well, I have lost you; and I lost you fairly; In my own way, and with my full consent. Say what you will, kings in a tumbrel rarely went to their deaths more proud than this one went. Some nights of apprehension and hot weeping I will confess; but that's permitted me; Day dried my eyes; I was not one for keeping rubbed in a cage a wing that would be free. If I had loved you less or played you slyly I might have held you for a summer more, but at the cost of words I value highly, and no such summer as the one before. Should I outlive this anguish -and men do- I shall have only good to say of you." ---Vincent Millay
Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy it is time to get serious and kick this extra weight to the curb. I have been through some stressful moments or days in the past 60 days and while I have not gained more than water weight, I have not lost any weight at all. It is amazing what stress can do to our bodies and our eating habits. In addition, my sleep habits have been horrible and I have been trying to do too much. This guy needs to learn moderation and balance in all things. I took on a new job within the company I work for and the training was intense and it is rush, rush, rush to get the training done. There were several all-nighters and then I get home and no sleep due to various events. In addition, I seem to have the habit of doing all my communicating very late at night. I communicate with friends, male and female, during hours that the majority of people are sleeping. This would not be a bad thing; however, my day typically starts at 4am. Staying up chatting with friends and flirting with women is causing me sleep deprivation. This all needs to be balanced and rearranged so I do not continue to ignore my exercise and weight reduction program. Now is not the time for maintenance as I still have those last stubborn forty pounds.
"Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly." ---J. O'Rourke
Therefore, since it is already Sunday night and it is nearly bedtime, tomorrow I begin anew. I am setting goals to exercise a minimum of one hour per day and get back on my eating program. I want the rest of this stuff I have been packing for two decades gone before summertime. I can visualize it now, cutting the grass and then laying back in lounge chair wearing a Speedo… Blech! Even I know better than that. Seriously, it would be so wonderful to spend this entire summer back at the weight it all began. Confident, energetic and doing things I have not done in years. This is going to be the most enjoyable summer in years. Now, I had better find me a summer playmate to keep me company. ;-) I hope that my new playmate likes walks and hikes in the hills where I live. I cannot wait to play with my kids this summer. They have never known their father at his regular, recommended healthy weight. This will be a summer to remember. Amazing how that works. Last summer was a summer we would never forget and this summer will be a summer to remember. It seems that father time is the great healer and equalizer.
"Adversity is the first path to truth; He who hath proved war, storm, or woman's rage, Whether his winters be eighteen or eighty, Has won the experience which is deemed so weighty" ---Lord Byron
"Well, I have lost you; and I lost you fairly; In my own way, and with my full consent. Say what you will, kings in a tumbrel rarely went to their deaths more proud than this one went. Some nights of apprehension and hot weeping I will confess; but that's permitted me; Day dried my eyes; I was not one for keeping rubbed in a cage a wing that would be free. If I had loved you less or played you slyly I might have held you for a summer more, but at the cost of words I value highly, and no such summer as the one before. Should I outlive this anguish -and men do- I shall have only good to say of you." ---Vincent Millay
Monday, January 24, 2011
Life a Game or a Pain?
"If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love." ---Michel Montaigne
Today a beautiful friend asked me a question about marriage. Now, everyone that knows me realizes I am an expert in this category. After all, it takes real knowledge in this area to get married, remain married for 22 plus years and then free-fall into oblivion through divorce. Obviously, I have no clue about anything in marriage. I can tell you what does not work, if that counts. My beautiful friend asked me if I could see myself married soon. Well, that really depends on a great many things. First, let me address the obvious when I consider this question. I would have to be in love with someone. Falling in love with someone is not all that complicated, it is finding someone to fall in love with you that is complicated. Second, a divorce for me has left me cautious in being remarried and even if I found love and it me, I can see a possible conflict in coming to terms with commitment. However, in the end, I am a romantic and I love having a best friend. I love the idea of having a best friend and lover, one where you can look into their eyes and feel their love and passion. I like the idea of having someone to share your innermost sacred feelings and having that person edify my feelings and me. I can never undervalue a passionate kiss from a person you love and the feeling of holding that person.
"In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in the dark wood where the true way was wholly lost" ---Dante Alighieri
I have been dating for several months and I have encountered several beautiful, brilliant women. Every one of them are far greater human beings than I and all praiseworthy. One after another, they have all thrown me back into the water, in hopes of finding a different fish. This is the part of my life that is a troublesome game that is not very much fun to play. It is not necessarily a pleasant game and at times seems more pain than game. I guess this all comes down to change and I do not care for change in a quick manner. Dating it seems is exactly that, change in a quick rotating manner. I just get comfortable knowing someone and sharing much of me with them only to find myself free falling into the water surrounded by all the other fish waving their fins to be noticed. Honestly, there are times I do not think it is worth playing the game at all.
In answer to my friends question on if, I can see myself married soon. If that one incredible person came along, rocked my world, and made me feel so deeply in love and that I can accomplish anything in my life. Yes, I can see myself married soon if that scenario played out. However, my reality is that I will be doing a great deal of swimming, waving my fins. Dating, like weight loss, or as a new friend corrected me, shedding weight, is not always fun or easy, but the end result can be very rewarding. Now, please excuse me while I start waving my fins.
"Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable." ---Oscar Wilde
"True Love has many forms. But my true love is her...and her name is B.D.C she is an amazing girl who I can connect with on many levels. She is a girl who I can tell everything to and not feel embarrassed about my flaws she can see through my imperfections and find me perfect the way I am and I can do the same with her I love her and if my love had to be compared to some sort of size on earth it wouldn't be compared to anything because my love for her is as big as the universe. I love you babe." ---Michael Henderson
Today a beautiful friend asked me a question about marriage. Now, everyone that knows me realizes I am an expert in this category. After all, it takes real knowledge in this area to get married, remain married for 22 plus years and then free-fall into oblivion through divorce. Obviously, I have no clue about anything in marriage. I can tell you what does not work, if that counts. My beautiful friend asked me if I could see myself married soon. Well, that really depends on a great many things. First, let me address the obvious when I consider this question. I would have to be in love with someone. Falling in love with someone is not all that complicated, it is finding someone to fall in love with you that is complicated. Second, a divorce for me has left me cautious in being remarried and even if I found love and it me, I can see a possible conflict in coming to terms with commitment. However, in the end, I am a romantic and I love having a best friend. I love the idea of having a best friend and lover, one where you can look into their eyes and feel their love and passion. I like the idea of having someone to share your innermost sacred feelings and having that person edify my feelings and me. I can never undervalue a passionate kiss from a person you love and the feeling of holding that person.
"In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in the dark wood where the true way was wholly lost" ---Dante Alighieri
I have been dating for several months and I have encountered several beautiful, brilliant women. Every one of them are far greater human beings than I and all praiseworthy. One after another, they have all thrown me back into the water, in hopes of finding a different fish. This is the part of my life that is a troublesome game that is not very much fun to play. It is not necessarily a pleasant game and at times seems more pain than game. I guess this all comes down to change and I do not care for change in a quick manner. Dating it seems is exactly that, change in a quick rotating manner. I just get comfortable knowing someone and sharing much of me with them only to find myself free falling into the water surrounded by all the other fish waving their fins to be noticed. Honestly, there are times I do not think it is worth playing the game at all.
In answer to my friends question on if, I can see myself married soon. If that one incredible person came along, rocked my world, and made me feel so deeply in love and that I can accomplish anything in my life. Yes, I can see myself married soon if that scenario played out. However, my reality is that I will be doing a great deal of swimming, waving my fins. Dating, like weight loss, or as a new friend corrected me, shedding weight, is not always fun or easy, but the end result can be very rewarding. Now, please excuse me while I start waving my fins.
"Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable." ---Oscar Wilde
"True Love has many forms. But my true love is her...and her name is B.D.C she is an amazing girl who I can connect with on many levels. She is a girl who I can tell everything to and not feel embarrassed about my flaws she can see through my imperfections and find me perfect the way I am and I can do the same with her I love her and if my love had to be compared to some sort of size on earth it wouldn't be compared to anything because my love for her is as big as the universe. I love you babe." ---Michael Henderson
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Increments
"I remember my father saying one word to me as I would walk out to school every day: 'increments.' Every test, every quiz, every conversation with the teacher, it all added up to the final grade, which would affect where you went off to college and the rest of your life. All those little bits and pieces added up to something larger." ---Wentworth Miller
I was reminded this past week from a dear friend (Helen) that weight loss and continued weight loss is about increments. The dictionary defines increments in mostly the “added” type meaning.
in•cre•ment
[in-kruh-muh nt, ing-]–noun
1. something added or gained; addition; increase.
2. profit; gain.
3. the act or process of increasing; growth.
4. an amount by which something increases or grows: a weekly increment of $25 in salary.
5. one of a series of regular additions: You may make deposits in increments of $500.
Mathematics.
a. the difference between two values of a variable; a change, positive, negative, or zero, in an independent variable.
b. the increase of a function due to an increase in the independent variable.
However, when we add pound of weight lost after pound of weight lost, we add increments of weight loss. My friend Helen emailed me saying she had lost 10% of her body weight. Do you know how incredible that is? If she did this, ten times she would no longer be visible! I joke, but seriously; how amazing is losing 10% of your total body weight. If you break the 10% increments down, she might be (out of this have no idea worldly guess) 20% or much higher towards her weight loss goals. Now, that little 10% is huge and Helen should be extremely proud.
I know that the stress in my life has weighed me down lately, in many ways, not just in terms of attitude and mental clarity. Since the holidays, I have not exercised and have had many stressful events. I have not been as watchful with the food as I normally am. I have put a few pounds on and because of the salty foods; my hands are holding water or swelling. Helen was just the ticket I needed to get moving again.
In the end, Helen discovered the secret to weight loss. Do it in small increments and have more good days than bad days. Exercise as much as possible, keep yourself busy, and out of the kitchen and fast food joints. Well done Helen and I bet it feels great and you did it… no one else… just you and your own determination. Helen, congratulations on a job very well done on something so few accomplish in life.
"Break any problem into, or make any changes in, small increments." ---Anne Grant
"The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall." ---Vince Lombardi
I was reminded this past week from a dear friend (Helen) that weight loss and continued weight loss is about increments. The dictionary defines increments in mostly the “added” type meaning.
in•cre•ment
[in-kruh-muh nt, ing-]–noun
1. something added or gained; addition; increase.
2. profit; gain.
3. the act or process of increasing; growth.
4. an amount by which something increases or grows: a weekly increment of $25 in salary.
5. one of a series of regular additions: You may make deposits in increments of $500.
Mathematics.
a. the difference between two values of a variable; a change, positive, negative, or zero, in an independent variable.
b. the increase of a function due to an increase in the independent variable.
However, when we add pound of weight lost after pound of weight lost, we add increments of weight loss. My friend Helen emailed me saying she had lost 10% of her body weight. Do you know how incredible that is? If she did this, ten times she would no longer be visible! I joke, but seriously; how amazing is losing 10% of your total body weight. If you break the 10% increments down, she might be (out of this have no idea worldly guess) 20% or much higher towards her weight loss goals. Now, that little 10% is huge and Helen should be extremely proud.
I know that the stress in my life has weighed me down lately, in many ways, not just in terms of attitude and mental clarity. Since the holidays, I have not exercised and have had many stressful events. I have not been as watchful with the food as I normally am. I have put a few pounds on and because of the salty foods; my hands are holding water or swelling. Helen was just the ticket I needed to get moving again.
In the end, Helen discovered the secret to weight loss. Do it in small increments and have more good days than bad days. Exercise as much as possible, keep yourself busy, and out of the kitchen and fast food joints. Well done Helen and I bet it feels great and you did it… no one else… just you and your own determination. Helen, congratulations on a job very well done on something so few accomplish in life.
"Break any problem into, or make any changes in, small increments." ---Anne Grant
"The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall." ---Vince Lombardi
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