Divorce and Baseball

"If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not as an example." ---George Bernard Shaw

What do the two have in common? I had the pleasure of coaching my son’s T-ball (Beginning Baseball) team. The team I was assigned had several players, my son among them. This blog entry focuses on one team member. An amazingly gorgeous, petite and full of life young girl named Sybella (Sa Bella), Bella for short. The first day I met this little girl I knew she was special. Bella is only four years-old and followed instructions perfectly with a “get it done” positive attitude. Her parents are a very good-looking couple and their love for Bella is evident.

The season progressed and I mentioned to my wife that of all the players the one making the most improvement was adorable Bella. My wife agreed, adding she is the cutest little athlete. Reaching mid-season schedule, Bella was no longer using a T-ball post and was hitting “coach pitch” as I would pitch to her and she would blast a hit. Two others on the team had reached this level as well, including my amazing son. However, Bella was junior to the other two by two years.

First game post mid-season I noticed something odd. Bella’s parents did not arrive at the game together. Bella arrived with her mother and her grandparents. Bella’s father arrived shortly thereafter. There was obvious contention between Bella’s parents and the grandparents seemed to be there for support for Bella’s mother and to keep the peace. Bella’s parents did not stand together nor near one another. Bella’s mother constantly showed signs of anger, hurt and frustration.

As the games crept by at two per week, each game Bella witnessed her parents drifting further apart. Here is the interesting and extremely sad part of this experience. Bella’s skills and attention waned. The final two games of the season would include Bella seeing her father arrive and she would run and jump into his arms. She would hold him so tightly that he could have jogged and she would not fall off. When I would call out to her to take the field she would wipe the tears away and reluctantly let go of her father. By the final game Bella had lost the majority of her skills. When batting and I would pitch to her, she would be looking elsewhere and neither at the ball nor the pitcher. I followed her stare to see what she was looking at. Her father stood down the right field line and she could not take her eyes off him. I eventually asked him to stand with me at the pitcher mound when Bella would bat. However, this did not help as her swing had deteriorated and her desire was no longer present. Bella returned to using the T-ball post and could barely even hit the ball on the post. Her swing no longer had zip and her ability to focus was gone.

We as adults and parents forget how our children are affected from our decisions. These two parents are embroiled in a hurtful, heartbreaking moment in their relationship. However, their beautiful Bella is hurting and it is going unnoticed by them, as they are lost in their own hurt and pain. Divorce and baseball are two things that should not have anything to do with one another. Yet, for one beautiful little girl these two worlds would collide and break her heart. The final game and the trophy presentation where little Bella had to be asked by many to smile for the photo. The first half of the season saw Bella with a smile that could not be removed. Bella, my heart and prayers go out to you. It was an honor to meet you, be your coach and spend time with you, if even for a brief moment of your life.

"Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." ---Khalil Gibran

"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson