"If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love." ---Michel Montaigne
Today a beautiful friend asked me a question about marriage. Now, everyone that knows me realizes I am an expert in this category. After all, it takes real knowledge in this area to get married, remain married for 22 plus years and then free-fall into oblivion through divorce. Obviously, I have no clue about anything in marriage. I can tell you what does not work, if that counts. My beautiful friend asked me if I could see myself married soon. Well, that really depends on a great many things. First, let me address the obvious when I consider this question. I would have to be in love with someone. Falling in love with someone is not all that complicated, it is finding someone to fall in love with you that is complicated. Second, a divorce for me has left me cautious in being remarried and even if I found love and it me, I can see a possible conflict in coming to terms with commitment. However, in the end, I am a romantic and I love having a best friend. I love the idea of having a best friend and lover, one where you can look into their eyes and feel their love and passion. I like the idea of having someone to share your innermost sacred feelings and having that person edify my feelings and me. I can never undervalue a passionate kiss from a person you love and the feeling of holding that person.
"In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in the dark wood where the true way was wholly lost" ---Dante Alighieri
I have been dating for several months and I have encountered several beautiful, brilliant women. Every one of them are far greater human beings than I and all praiseworthy. One after another, they have all thrown me back into the water, in hopes of finding a different fish. This is the part of my life that is a troublesome game that is not very much fun to play. It is not necessarily a pleasant game and at times seems more pain than game. I guess this all comes down to change and I do not care for change in a quick manner. Dating it seems is exactly that, change in a quick rotating manner. I just get comfortable knowing someone and sharing much of me with them only to find myself free falling into the water surrounded by all the other fish waving their fins to be noticed. Honestly, there are times I do not think it is worth playing the game at all.
In answer to my friends question on if, I can see myself married soon. If that one incredible person came along, rocked my world, and made me feel so deeply in love and that I can accomplish anything in my life. Yes, I can see myself married soon if that scenario played out. However, my reality is that I will be doing a great deal of swimming, waving my fins. Dating, like weight loss, or as a new friend corrected me, shedding weight, is not always fun or easy, but the end result can be very rewarding. Now, please excuse me while I start waving my fins.
"Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable." ---Oscar Wilde
"True Love has many forms. But my true love is her...and her name is B.D.C she is an amazing girl who I can connect with on many levels. She is a girl who I can tell everything to and not feel embarrassed about my flaws she can see through my imperfections and find me perfect the way I am and I can do the same with her I love her and if my love had to be compared to some sort of size on earth it wouldn't be compared to anything because my love for her is as big as the universe. I love you babe." ---Michael Henderson
Todd,
ReplyDeleteAs I have been divorced once before, I can relate to your feelings in some small way. It took me years, six to be exact, to re-marry. To be honest with you, it wasn't by my doing. The Lord's hand was in it on my side and the side of my husband. What I can say, is that you have to keep putting yourself in the position to continue dating. As you are dating, make sure you are coming from an honest place in your heart. Do not allow your divorce to taint this process. They are two different things entirely. You seem like an awesome man, and there is an awesome woman out there for you. Keep your eyes wide open and be alert, but also allow yourself to truly date these women. It they turn you away, they are not the right ones. Keep looking. Some day, I will tell you my marriage story, and you will more fully understand where I am coming from.
Rechel