"A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life." ---Andrew Cohen
LOVE... for our-self... for others... for things... is emotional. It can leave us feeling wonderful, elated, angry, hurt, sad, alone, full, over-joyed and sexy just to mention a few. Right now, I am struggling with love for myself. I feel like I have been trying to rebuild myself from the mess I made for so long; that I am in dire need of a vacation from myself. I want to escape me. No, I am not feeling suicidal or anything like that... just tired. I am over-stressed, full of anxiety and feel like the clock is ticking.
I am happy and optimistic and full of energy. My mind is tired of... well... Todd! I am in the middle of a six-week marketing class. I am in the middle of a weight loss battle. I am in the middle of trying to keep my home and yard in shape. I am in the middle of a financial crisis due to divorce. I am in the middle of reevaluating my career goals and choices. I am in the middle of trying to teach my children to reach for the stars. I am in the middle of a spiritual drought. So, the only thing keeping me smiling is... me. The very person I would like a vacation away from.
Every night I get on my secret communicator and ask Scotty to beam me up and... nothing. I want to leave Todd home and let him deal with all the above stuff. I want to go to the Caribbean and walk on the beautiful white sand beaches. I want a cool drink and soak in the clearest, yet bluest water on earth. I want to watch the dolphins play while I stand on the deck of a cruise ship. I love the Caribbean.
However, I stay and I fight and I do what is necessary. All because of that damn four-letter word... LOVE! Curse that word for it makes life difficult at times. It makes one commit themselves to something that is larger than they are. It makes one optimistic that they are worth fighting for. It makes one believe that there is hope. It makes one want to live and be alive. It makes you get control of yourself over and over until you win the battle. It makes you cry, yell, smile, laugh and feel incredible. Love for yourself, for others, for things... it makes it all worth while.
"Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don't know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!" ---Anne Frank
"A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows; Love can erase an awful past, Love can be yours, you'll see at last; To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die; You hope you've found that special rose, 'Cause you love and care for the one you chose." ---Rob Cella
Todd I love this one. We all feel this way at one time or another. The trick I think is recognizing what my mother in law taught me long ago. We went over to cook dinner on the stove she had bought that day. I was talking to her at the kitchen table when Roy was taking it out of the oven and accidentally hit the front of the stove. It chipped the enamel about the size of a nickel off the front. Without hardly skipping a beat in the conversation with me she looked over and said "It's okay Roy, you're more important than that stove." and continued talking to me. Roy and I just stared at each other. I will never forget that moment. When I start to feel overwhelmed I try to look at my life and ask myself what are the things that are the most important and let the other things go for a while. Usually I find they can wait for a while. Anyway, my two cents worth. You will figure it out. You always do.
ReplyDeleteShanna,
ReplyDeleteThat is a wonderful story. Your MIL must be a special lady. You are correct and the things that are most important to me are the reasons I am trying so hard to become more. I did as you suggest and let everything go for a four day weekend. I enjoyed family, friends, eating out, :-o, and relaxing. Today (Sunday) I am tucked in the Mountains of Southern Utah with a remarkable view from the computer I now sit at. Thank goodness for satellite technology. I like getting away... but, Dances with Wolves... I am not! ;-)