A Message for My Children

Life is precious and we should handle it with care. I am saddened that I allowed my environment to control more than twenty years of my life, instead of developing the discipline to control it myself. The parties missed, the special events hiding in the corner. There are so many career aspirations and dreams that I allowed to go unrealized. There is a person inside me that you have never met. In the past year, you have had a glimpse of him. He is the man I was meant to be, the father I was meant to be. If I had to narrow it down to one thing, it would have to be, lack of vision for my life. Always have a plan and a plan “b”, in-case something does not develop as you thought. I allowed heartbreak and disappointment to steer my life, instead of me guiding my life. In order to live a life of design, you must develop a strong self-worth. Never allow the heartbreak or disappointment bring you so far off course that it takes enormous efforts and time to get back on track.

I have a plan and a vision of where I want to be in life. I hope and pray that I did not waste too much time and I accomplish what I desire. If I do not, I want you to know that living by design is hard work, but very simple. It is imperative that you first concentrate on your health. Foolishly, I turned to food as a drug to cover the hurt of heartbreak and disappointment. Please do not follow this; it creates an imprisonment that is difficult to escape. Develop discipline and stay in control of your eating habits. Take it from me; there is no food in the past that I loved to the point of creating a prison for myself. Second, always take time for yourself. This includes exercise, meditation, pampering, and self-affirmations. Always devour positive materials and personal growth materials. You can only be the person you desire to be and the person that God wants you to be, if you take care of yourself. I do not mean this in a selfish way, but to be better children of God, better human beings, you must put yourself first. If you are not your best, then you cannot give your best to others. Third is education and it is paramount that you get all you can. Sadly, this is another failure of mine. I attended college, but did not stick around for the diploma. I cannot tell you how much this has cost me in terms of monetary and career accolades. The thing about education is it comes from everything. I desire that you both get a college education and that you stick around for the diploma. However, if for some reason you cannot, never allow the lack of a diploma to limit your quest for knowledge or success. When you discover what it is that you enjoy in life, make that your career goal or dream. Become educated; no bury yourself in all facets of this thing you enjoy and learn all that is necessary to be at the top of your field.

Always have a sense of humor and laugh often. Laughter is the most powerful medicine in life. Long ago, before either of you were born, I spent everyday with a great friend. He was a father figure due to our age difference. I was present everyday for the last two months of his life. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember watching the cancer destroy his body, even though his mind was sharp and wanting to live on. I loved this man and it was difficult for me. However, I learned the power of laughter from him in his most difficult time. He would refuse the pain medication because he wanted to be alert when people visited him. He made jokes, enjoyed everyone’s company, and laughed often. He confided in me that the laughing made the pain go away. Your Mother and I were told by medical experts that we could not have our own children. My friend, Robert “Bob” McArthy told me in his last days that he would talk to someone in heaven about sending a spirit and child our way. I do not know if it happened or the Lord felt we were ready, but miraculously you found your way to us. My beautiful children smile and laugh often in your life.

Is there a Lord and Savior? This is something you will have to find the answer to all on your own. In today’s world, so many people and governments are eliminating God from their lives. Here is what I feel and know about this subject. I believe in a Lord and Savior. In my life when I struggle the most, I have tried to do things on my own. In my life when I allow God in, I seem more confident and less stressed. I am not, nor will I ever be perfect and I believe that through Jesus Christ I can be forgiven of the wrongs I have done. As evidence by our nightly prayers together I have a strong belief in the Lord and Savior. Always be mindful that men are flawed and make mistakes. Religious people can and will make mistakes. Do not hold your belief of a God that loves you captive to a person or group of people that are flawed like everyone else. So many people get angered, quit going to church and turn their back on God because someone in their church did something wrong. My personal and humble opinion is that those that do not believe in God are not telling the complete truth if they are decent and moral people. Why would anyone strive to live a clean, decent and moral life if one believes there are no consequences? Perhaps they fear devolution back into a tadpole or something. I joke here, but honestly living a clean, decent and moral life is difficult. It is far more difficult than succumbing to the lustful temptations that cross our paths in life. In conclusion, on this subject, having a firm belief in the Lord and Savior and living a Christ-like life will do nothing to damage your life. In fact, it may enhance your life on levels you cannot imagine.

Love all things and all people and treat others with respect. Everyone on this planet has a talent or gift. Always look for the good in others and always try to bring that out of them. Even the most negative, mean spirited people have a hidden passion. Find it, ask about it and get them lost in the passion that they love. Always remember that behind every negative, mean spirited person lays a great deal of hurt and pain. Everyone wants to feel loved and important. When speaking with people give them your undivided attention and always treat them as the most important person in your world. The person you are speaking with is at that moment the most important person on the planet and they deserve your attention and respect. Be quick to forgive and slow to anger. Your Mother taught me how to forgive quickly and how to forgive myself. Forgiveness is the most underestimated quality in life. Holding grudges or allowing anger to stew is dangerous and guides your life down paths less desirable. It is heartbreaking when you realize how many lives have been lost and destroyed because people cannot forgive others and themselves. The cost of forgiveness is humility and the rewards in terms of relationships and a more full life are too many to list here. Even more powerful is continued forgiveness. Many people you forgive will continue to do things that hurt you, but do not dwell on it or allow it to phase you negatively. Think of it in terms of living by a river that will flood year after year. People ask why you continue to live by this river when you know it will flood. Because the river is beautiful and allows fresh water, recreation and the most beautiful crops year after year. Yes, every year for two weeks they need to sandbag and occasionally repair damage from flooding, but for 50 weeks of the year they have magnificent rewards from the river.

Strive to live by design and follow your dreams. Create a master plan for your life and live by design. Visualize it often as though you are already there and have achieved all that you desire. Be flexible and always make necessary adjustments to your master plan. I have taken many cruises on large cruise ships and it takes constant adjustments in navigation to arrive at their destination. Many things come at the ship to throw it off course. Wind, rough seas, storms and a plethora of other things constantly try to push the ship off course. Small, frequent adjustments with the end destination in mind allows the ship to arrive at the desired destination. Life is just like this and all types of things and events will come your way to throw you off course. Do not falter and keep one eye on the final destination. Make necessary changes to your master plan, stay positive and you will arrive at your desired destination.

I love you both and you have rocked my world every day since your birth. I continue to work on my master plan for my remaining years. I thought it wise if I publicly put these thoughts for you to reflect on. I do not know what the future holds, nor are there any guarantees on how long my life will last here on Earth. I do know that in spite of my screwing up for slightly more than two decades of my life, I am blessed beyond my worthiness. I have made it my mission in my life to now live up to that which I have been so undeservedly blessed with.

Live your life to the fullest.
Laugh often throughout your life.
Love as many people as you can and share your life with many.

“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.” ---Gail Devers

“History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.” ---Winston Churchill

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life’s about creating yourself.” ---George Bernard Shaw

Quick Update

I am finally back on track and focused. I reached my lowest weight once again, losing all weight gained during my detour and feel really positive about the future. The herniated disc is a day to day thing with more pain on certain days. Exercise is sporadic, but I am getting some in when my disc cooperates. I am reading and devouring positive materials again.

This certainly is a journey and complete with ups and downs. I am behind my goal schedule for the summer, but ahead of where I thought I would be when I started this journey. Hopefully, I will get much done in the next few weeks as my little buddy (son) is going to spend a few weeks at his Grandparents home in mountains. This house sure is quiet when he is gone, almost too quiet. Sounds like a good time to get other components of my journey underway.


“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” ---Oscar Wilde

"Any experience can be transformed into something of value. Everything depends on the way you look at things. You cannot have the success without the failures. ---Author Unknown

Dreams

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumblebee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.” ---Ashley Smith

I read the following post on my Facebook page and it made me think about our dreams.

“Everyone makes their own choices. No one can make you choose what you believe,dream,want,or what/who to love. Today I chose to BELIEVE in a DREAM that I WANT with all my HEART! NO BODY....NO ONE....will break my spirit”.

Strong post and I hope that they realize their dream(s). I reflected on this post for several days. I am curious as why we as adults give up on our dreams so easily. Is it because we are lazy, or do we fear the process to achieve our dreams? Living our dreams does not and will not ever come easily. It is a long and bumpy road to realize our dreams. The road is filled with criticism, doubt, fear, inadequacy and difficulties. It is also filled with joy, discovery, fun, expansion of mind and memorable moments too many to list. Brian Tracy teaches that if you manifest your desires and dreams that this will attract that to your life. I would add that if you take massive action to that which you manifest you would attract that to your life. You cannot move aggressively towards something and have it stay the same distance away. Much like my weight loss journey, the more I move towards being healthy, the more weight I lose and the closer to my goal I become.

However, if you desire something or dream of something and lack the power, ability and courage to take action, it can create misery and unhappiness.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ---Epicurus

I will end my comments on this post with something I recently read and believe is true. If you can muster the call to action, you can achieve all you desire.

Michael A. Verdicchio wrote the following:

The dictionary defines fantasy as, "an imagined event or sequence of mental images, such as a daydream, usually fulfilling a wish or psychological need; an unrealistic or improbable supposition." That is fantasy.

However, the vision that you have for your life, your goals, your dreams and your desires, are not fantasy. They are not just daydreams fulfilling a psychological need. They are not just some nice mind games to keep you happy and positive. And they are certainly not unrealistic or improbable suppositions.

Quite the contrary, your goals, your dreams, and your desires really do matter. They are important. Why? They are important because they are YOUR goals. They are YOUR dreams. They are YOUR desires.

Have you ever wondered who decides and determines if your goals, dreams and desires are too big? Does someone exist who has the authority to overrule your goals, desires and dreams? Do we determine and decide for others just how big they can dream, or what goals are simply not realistic for them?

It is not your place or mine to determine if someone's goals and dreams and desires are too big for them or not. You and I are not the ones to figure that out for someone else. Likewise, it is no one else's business to decide if your goals and dreams and desires are too big or not for you. They are yours!

So, what about ability and resources? Is that the criteria that should determine the size of our goals? If that were true, a blind man would have never made it to the top of Mt. Everest. And yet, Erik Weihenmayer did just that in 2001. If ability and resources determine whether a goal is too big or not, then three small ships would have never crossed the Atlantic Ocean to the New World. But in 1492, they did.

Sometimes looking at our own present ability and our own present resources are enough to deter us from what we really desire deep inside. That is, unless of course we have the right connections!

Have you ever heard the statement, "It's who you know that counts?" I'm sure you have. And you've also probably heard, "You've got to have connections to make it in this world."

Now I'm not denying that connections can be helpful; many times, they are very helpful. The point I am making is that too often people look at their lack of ability and resources. Then, they look at their lack of "connections" and they give up on their goals. But, they have overlooked the biggest and best connection of all!

As Christians we have a loving Father, unwavering in His love for us, and unlimited in His ability and His resources. With that kind of a connection, why would you ever give up or abandon your goals, dreams and desires? In fact, there is a verse in the Bible that talks about God being able to do that which is exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or think!

How big can you think? How big can you dream? How big are your goals and desires? It really doesn't matter what it seems like to other people. It's not their dream – it is yours! You can have it. And, you can have every desire of your heart!

Fantasy is a dream with no action. Without action, dreams become unrealistic or improbable suppositions. Without action, our desires are nothing more than a sequence of mental images. Without action, our desires just become daydreams.

The vision you carry of your life, your goals, your dreams, and your desires are your prerogative, and they are very important! They are important because they are yours! Don't let anyone talk you out of them. Especially don't talk yourself out of them!

Because God loves you, your goals and dreams and desires are important to Him too. Don't allow them to evaporate into a fantasy. Instead, ask for His help, and begin taking action.

Act now! Do something, no matter how small it seems to you! Acquire information, develop a new skill, or talk to someone. The point is, start moving.

Remain confident that your desires will come to pass, that your dreams will be fulfilled, and that your goals will be met, and they will!
________________________________________________________________

"Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.” ---Mark Twain

“Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.” ---Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.” ---William Arthur Ward

Value All Life

"You have conquered, and I yield. Yet, henceforward, art thou also dead - - dead to the World, to Heaven, and to Hope! In me didst thou exist - - and, in my death, see by this image, which is thine own, how utterly thou hast murdered thyself." ---Edgar Allen Poe

I find alarming the brutal death of four-year-old Ethan Stacy that took place in my own community. I have healed and processed the tragedy, but continue to be puzzled at how someone can take no value in human life. I can understand a moment of rage and horrific act resulting in a death. I cannot understand how someone can punish another human over a period of days, resulting in that human’s death. I guess I will have to process it as though young Ethan came into the presence of pure evil. Allowing evil or bad influence into our lives can and will infiltrate our own thoughts and behaviors. Ethan’s mother allowed this evil into her life and soon became exactly like the evil she allowed refuge. Of course, it could be that Ethan’s mother was the source of the evil itself and she influenced the evil acts that took place.

In the end, the part that bothers me most is how two people can value human life so little that they harm an innocent child and give up their own lives in the process. Honestly, how much trouble could a young four-year-old have been? My five-year-old is a handful and I know how a grown man can sometimes become so angry he has to be physical to release the tension. In these times, I always send my boy to his room. In reality, Dad is taking the timeout in this process. I look at the pictures of Ethan, I want him to be alive, and I want to adopt him. I read a comment by a young grandmother about the death of Ethan Stacy. She said she would no longer stay quiet when she sees injustice to children. She believes now that she should err on the side of the child and would rather apologize to an adult for wrongly accusing them of abuse than risk a child suffer.

I have made great progress on my journey the past two days. I feel much better and I am walking and exercising again. I am managing the pain from my herniated disc and I am staying on my plan. The weight gain from the past two weeks is nearly gone. I lost six pounds of it yesterday, which I believe was mostly water retention. The support from my family and friends has helped greatly. I feel better today and spending additional time with my children has helped process the Ethan Stacy tragedy. It is amazing how this touched me, since I never knew of Ethan until his death. It has touched thousands in this area. The father in me wants to protect him and give him a home of love and safety, but it is too late. I have hope that good things will come of this tragedy and people will become more diligent in looking out for children’s safety and welfare. I keep faith that everyone will value life more now and in the future. I know I certainly value my time and experiences with my children more.

"Beauty, of whatever kind, invariably excites the human soul to tears." ---Edgar Allan Poe

"Instead of tug o' war, let's play hug o' war!" ---Shel Silverstein

My Compass Is All Messed Up

"If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere." ---Frank A. Clark

Sometimes I just get lost. The past two weeks have been completely off course for me. It all started with my recurring herniated disc, a digestive blood clot that scared the doo-doo out of me and sent me to the doctor. Then learning the details of the torture and death of little Ethan Stacy. This really touched my soul because I have a young son just slightly older. I have not looked at my son the same since. I cannot get enough hugs and my boy is not the touchy, feely type of boy. His nickname around here is, “Mr. Stingy Love Man.” This all distracted me from my program and progression. I have not been bad or gone on horrible eating binges. I have not read or listened to positive and personal growth programs for the past couple of weeks. My company is hurting financially, which has trickled down to us. We took a rather large pay reduction, which Dad has had to try to match dollar for dollar cuts to our monthly budget. My stress levels are through the roof and with the herniated disc and no sleep, this ole boy is strung tighter than a rubber band around the Thanksgiving paper with all the black Friday ads. I have not exercised for two and a half weeks; can barely walk for a few minutes until the pain shoots down my legs.

This has all accumulated into one horrible result. I have not lost weight and actually have gained a few pounds, mostly water as my ring is tight. The lack of exercise and attention to details has caused this. My attitude could be better and I am struggling to refocus on my path and vision for the future. I can be the most stubborn man I know. I always think I can and should do everything myself. I never accept charity and feel very uncomfortable when someone tries to help. My church members offered to cut my grass because of my back problems. I would not hear of it and I spent nine hours out there doing all the spring clean up. I enjoyed the time with my son, but seriously experienced some level eight pains doing so.

Here is my recipe or solution to get back on track. I am going to ‘will” my back into healing faster and I will start exercising tomorrow regardless of the pain. I am not going to worry about the digestive blood clot and I am going to eat my plan regardless of the doctor/surgeon telling me to eat more whole grain carbohydrates. There are other sources of fiber for the digestive system. I will take a deep breath of air every hour and feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. I will feel the nice breeze and admire the beauty of my world.

It is certain that every journey has difficulties. I am experiencing a few of those difficulties now and will grow stronger from them. I love my life, family, friends and just being here for the journey. I look forward to conquering these challenges. I will hold myself accountable for staying the course and not allow these difficulties to destroy my progress.

“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” ---Theodore Rubin

"Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their futures in someone else's hands, but not you." ---Jim Rohn

In Memory of Ethan Stacy

Ethan Stacy

I have this saying on my Facebook site with a photograph of my young son. It is a reminder to me that although my beautiful young boy is full of life and can really do things that leave me exhausted and occasionally angry... he is just a boy. Sadly, young Ethan Stacy had a Step-Father and a Mother that never knew of this saying. This evening I assembled a new trampoline and after-wards watched my son and daughter have a blast. I thought about young Ethan and how unfair the world can be. I am convinced that Ethan is in the highest kingdom of our Lord. Life is so fragile and I thank my Lord for blessing me with such beautiful children, friends and the awesome opportunity to walk upon this planet. My heart and prayers go out to Ethan and those that loved him.

Father Forgets is written by W. Livingston Larned.

Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, “Goodbye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and said in reply, “Hold your shoulders back!”

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive-and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. “What is it you want?” I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightended with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: “He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!”

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

Everything is Easier

Even with a painful herniated disc, I find everything is easier with 140-pounds gone from my frame. I did nine hours of yard-work on Saturday and although the herniated disc was painful and made me go slower than normal, doing things was much easier on my knees and joints. I enjoyed the day and spent the entire day hanging out and working with my 5-year-old son at my side. Of course, he made things more difficult at times, but his personality and watching him feel important and strong as he helped was priceless. The entire day was dedicated to my little guy. It started with Dad taking him to his soccer game and then we spent the entire day working together. The day ended with playing the Nintendo Wii, dinner and then a man's shower to wash all our dirt and grime off.

Just as we were off to bed, the door bell rang at 10:30pm. My son immediately ran for the front door, followed by his sister, against my wishes. They opened the door and I slowly walked towards the front door. My daughter says, "Dad, someone left two bags of trash on the front steps". I looked and sure enough, there were two bags of trash (Dark Green) on our first step off of the porch. I stood there thinking, I do not have enough room in the trash can for two more bags. My son, the ever inquisitive guy he is, walked to the trash bags. He examined them and then reached out and grabbed one and... both trash bags stood up, screamed and ran away! I nearly had a heart-attack, my son screamed and my daughter screamed and laughed. Stinking teenagers, nearly caused this old guy a cardiac arrest! My son said, Dad I grabbed them because those trash bags had knees sticking out of the front! Very clever having a trash bag tied at the top over their upper body, and then they sat on the first step, backs to us with their legs and knees pulled closely to their bodies. Had no idea there were humans inside. An awesome prank to say the least. The three of us had quite the laugh after our hearts calmed down. :-)

I have taken three days off of my program. Nothing serious, just trying to reset things and move from a six day plateau. Increase in calories and carbohydrates and back on the plan with discipline on Monday. On Friday, I attended a lunch where my daughter was honored for winning a top place in the Stock Market Game, a statewide scholastic competition and learning game to teach investing and portfolio skills. It is the second time she has placed in the top group in two years. I should hand over the finances to her. In the game she turned $100,000.00 (Pretend Money) and turned it into $175,000.00 in ten weeks of investing and trading, in the current volatile market. During the luncheon, all winning students spoke about their experience and how they managed to do so well. Adults can surely learn from these young minds that are not cluttered with so much negativity and doubt. I am very proud to be this young lady's father and just learned that she wants to drop dance/cheer-leading and do athletics. I guess I am fine with that, but her Mom is a bit stunned. Mom is a former High-School All American Cheer-leader. My ex-wife says, there is always our son for cheer-leading. Yeah, right... over my dead body! Nothing against male cheer-leaders, just not my kind of thing. Time to get this kid into more sports... immediately! ;-)

"Have you ever thought about how others shape your life? Never underestimate the power of influence. The influence of those around us is so powerful, so subtle, and so gradual that often we don't even realize how it can affect us." ---Jim Rohn

"Keep the weeds of negative influence from your life. Farm the seeds of constructive influence." ---Jim Rohn

A Little Useless Update

I guess people are so tired of my clothes being so baggy at work, that a supervisor pulled me aside and told me that there was $500.00 on my company card for new clothes. He added that there is another $375.00 in August if you continue to lose weight, so go get some new clothes. Okay, if you are picking up the tab by adding money to my company card… shopping I will go. The results are in and I purchased clothing that will allow me to be in tight and sexy clothes at work throughout summer. I purchased one pair of each size, those that fit now and the next three smaller sizes. Sadly, people will have to suffer my baggy clothes for three more weeks until they finish hemming, embroidering, and delivering the new clothes to my office. They had my purchase history on their computers. The person told me that the largest waist size I purchased was a 64-inch waist. Today’s purchase was for a 46, 44, 42 and 40-inch waist. The 46-inch waist fit comfortably and actually was a bit loose in areas.

I attended my Nephew-in-law’s wedding on Monday and it was a great deal of fun. My ex-wife and children had a blast as well. After the main reception, there was dancing. I looked around and noticed that no over-weight people were dancing, myself included. Many spouses were dancing without their chubby spouse. Why has the world made people feel so poorly of themselves for being over-weight that none of us has the confidence to unabashedly enjoy ourselves? I enjoyed the entire evening and enjoyed connecting with many I have not seen in a long while. Occasionally, I felt a bit uncomfortable when I would look around and see an entire table of people looking directly at me and talking. Of course, I know it was probably positive and I am sure they are shocked at seeing I am one-third smaller overall in body weight. I am currently 70% of the way to my original weight loss goals. When I started at over 430 pounds, I never thought I would actually get to this point. Looking back, I really think it has not been that difficult in terms of suffering. I had visions of starvation, deprivation, crying, constant disappointment, etc. Yes, I have had the occasional episodes of all of them, but developing my why and strengthening my resolve has powered me right through these challenges.

The future looks bright, but filled with challenges. As of today, I sit here with a recurring herniated disc that is excruciating and has me easily at a pain level seven. I cannot sleep, walk, or sit without a great deal of pain. It brings any exercise to a stop. In the past, during my decent into 400+-pound territory I would get depressed and eat all bad things to make me feel better when this would happen. This time, I have stuck to my plan and do not need a food drug to comfort me. In time, this pain will pass and when it does, I will feel even stronger and more motivated knowing I did not seek poor food choices to console me.

"Rather than aiming for being perfect, just aim to be little bit better today than you were yesterday." ---Author Unknown

“When I worked on my game, that's what I thought about. When it happened, I set another goal, a reasonable, manageable goal that I could realistically achieve if I worked hard enough. I guess I approached it with the end in mind. I knew exactly where I wanted to go, and I focused on getting there.” ---Michael Jordan

Be Worthy of Your Journey

A dear friend has troubled herself over the thought that she has hurt me deeply. My friend, do not give it one more thought. I am worthy of my journey and it does not stop with weight loss. I learned quickly that making a public blog and allowing family, friends and complete strangers to have access that I would need a “thick skin”. Yes, sometimes I hurt by the things some people write, say or do, but it is also enormously educational. I knew in advance for me to complete my journey of weight loss and beyond, I would need to learn to control my emotion. Professors have told me that I am a “red” personality. The first time I took this test in college many years ago; I stayed after the class and spoke with the professor. I explained that I felt that I was not a “red” personality and I thought I leaned towards being blue. The entire time I spoke, he just grinned. The more I spoke, the larger his grin grew. When I finished speaking, he responded. Todd, this personality test is one of the most accurate personality assessments I have ever come across. In fact, I know it has accurately assessed your personality because you are the only person in the class debating the results. Respectfully, I must inform you that is reflective of a “red” personality trait. However, understand that a red personality can also possess part of a blue personality and I believe you do. In your written papers, I see many blue personality traits of creativity. In our group exercises, I see your more dominant red personality as you take charge and want to get things done. It is common for people to go back and forth between personality traits and left and right brain thinking.

Now back to the red personality that I possess. This part of me tends to be reactive, instead of proactive. It is emotional and at times gets the best of me. Have I had my red exorcised? I am saddened to respond that the “red” still flows through my blood and always will. I am learning that it is quite possible to coexist with my red side. During my journey and all the books and positive information I have absorbed, I have learned how to cope with my demanding, impatient, reactive side. I believe I mentioned once that the newest version of “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, by Stephen Covey explains how to tame this red beast. When people make us angry or hurt us, we have the power in determining the outcome. When someone says something deeply hurtful, only we can allow this to hurt us. We (ourselves) are the only people that can allow hurtful or angering things to influence us negatively. There is enormous freedom and liberation in that comment.

In my journey, I have experienced all types of emotions and incidents. None of them is more powerful than my why, nor my resolve. My journey will continue beyond weight loss as I am transforming from living by default to living by design. I have grand visions of where and what I want to do and it will require a very tough skin as I believe many people will scream I am under qualified and inexperienced. I am realistic and understand that no matter what I choose to do that there will be many screaming from the rooftops that I am not worthy. However, only I can allow it to hurt me and influence me negatively. I started this journey to rescue myself and teach my children that life is worth living to the fullest. I will finish this journey in hopes of making an impact on my children that quitting is not acceptable. Living by design and pursuing your dreams does not come easily. It is a long and bumpy road with detours and the occasional breakdown along the way. However, as long as you do not quit, you will not fail. Living a full and abundant life is worth the effort. We (ourselves) are worth the effort.

Be worthy of your journey and become all that you desire. Only you can allow others to hurt you and interrupt or sabotage your journey. I choose to coexist with my red side. I will not allow others to derail me from my destination. My dear friend, you have not offended me nor has the individual that made the comments. I am extremely honored that you choose to defend me and that is what I define as a true friend.


"Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success." ---Oscar Wilde

"When true friends meet in adverse hour; 'Tis like a sunbeam through a shower. A watery way an instant seen, The darkly closing clouds between." ---Sir Walter Scott

Keep Trying Until You Succeed

Failure only becomes a failure when you quit and give up. Until then a failure is just a temporary setback.

Shopping for Diets:

(The Carbohydrate Addicts Diet – Dr. Rachel F. Heller / Dr. Richard F. Heller)

“The standard diets do not work for carbohydrate addicts --- and carbohydrate addicts blame themselves. We have now come to understand that they have been trying to follow diets that are simply not suited to their physical needs.

When you are shopping for shoes, you do not buy just any pair. If the salesperson brings you a pair of shoes that does not fit, you do not blame yourself, do you. Maybe they are too small, too large or too narrow.

Say a friend or relative brings you a pair of shoes and they do not fit either. You will not try to wear them any way; you will find a pair that suits you. Right?
The same is true with eyeglasses, medical prescriptions, top hats, and false teeth. They are right for you or not. Period. You accept that.

However, diets are different. With diets, most of us forget common sense. We pick a diet at random, giving little thought to our needs, our preferences, our strengths, our weaknesses, or specific metabolic levels. We take what may (or may not) be appropriate for someone else, and assume that it should be correct for us. We do not look at what we need.

Then we blame ourselves when, in the long run, it does not work. The diet that fails us is interpreted as our own failure.

Maybe, just maybe, that is because it was not an appropriate plan in the first place.
And the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet just might be”.



The above is so true. I cannot tell you how many different programs I have tried. I have mentioned many throughout this blog, but there are so many more. I really like the Fat to Skinny program because it works for my lifestyle and me. I believe that The Carbohydrate Addicts Diet is also a fine plan. I can see that it would also work for me, albeit slower than the Fat to Skinny.

This week has been a mixture of successes and setbacks. It has been a mixture of positive and negative experiences and a week full of stress. I have tried to maintain a positive attitude throughout the week. I had a friend tell me that a co-worker “went-off” on her about my weight loss. He thinks that it is no big deal. He went on, that anyone could lose weight with multiple surgeries. Adding, that even with the weight loss he (speaking of me) is still really fat and would you want to be around someone that got as fat as he did?

This does not really bother me too much. I did not even ask for the name of the person that said it, because it does not matter. Prejudice and cruelty are something an obese person becomes really well acquainted with. I would like to know where he heard I received “multiple surgeries”, when it is “one surgery” and a failed attempt at that. Mostly, I am just concerned why people are wasting their valuable time talking about me and why people like to bring down others. If we reverse the roles, I believe I would be the one leading the cheering for him to succeed. This world has far too many critics and far too few cheerleaders.

This weekend we attended a party to celebrate the upcoming marriage of my nephew-in-law and many in-laws were shocked when they saw me for the first time in a while. The most common phrase I hear from people these days is, “Hey Skinny, look at you”. Of course, I am not skinny, but compared to over 430 pounds it is a long way. I like hearing this new phrase, because it is replacing the phrase I hear most often. Usually, when I am in public the phrase I hear most often is, “Are you HIS father”. Of course, I am speaking of my beautiful, handsome and full of life son. I learned long ago that it is far more pleasant if I answer this phrase with the following. “No, I am a neighbor, but the blond-haired lady over there is his mother”. :-)

"You have failed only when you quit trying. Until then, you're still in the act of progression. So, never quit trying and you'll never be a failure.---Tommy Kelley

"My life tomorrow will be the result of my attitudes and the choices I make today." ---Author Unknown