Finish Strong (Part Three -- Conclusion)

I apologize for the length but I would like to finish this topic.

If your why is strong enough you can achieve most anything.

I worked overtime shifts for three years. I worked when I could have been home with her and my son. I did what was necessary to pay the tuition for her to attend three years of the most highly sought after preschool in our area. I had to use connections and step on a few toes to get her accepted. When she arrived at kindergarten, she knew how to read, write, count, color, basic Spanish words and could count to 20 in Spanish. I made sure she was given time to play and spend time with friends. She wanted to dance, so I worked more and made sure she attended the best dance academy in the area. She wanted to try soccer, so I enrolled her, purchased all the equipment and attended every game. I watched, she was looking down at her own stride and became so impressed that she ran right off the soccer field and just kept going. She was a perfect student leading her class in every grade until the end of her first term in fourth grade. I arrived home from work and my ex-wife handed me a letter from her school. My adorable little girl was failing two courses. How could this be and why did I not see it coming?

I called her from her room and asked what was happening at school and if she needed help in these subjects. She replied she just did not want to do it anymore and that school was no longer important. Searching my thoughts for the right comments, I asked her what she wanted to do when she would be an adult. She just shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” I said to her that if she worked hard in school and at everything, she could have the opportunity to design her life just as she wanted. I said, if you work hard and pursue your dreams I will support you every step of the way and you will live a very full and enjoyable life. Her eyes developed the most angry, hate-like glare one I have never seen on her before. Glaring straight at me, she said, “Is that what you are doing Dad, pursuing your dreams? Is that what you are doing, living by design?” She added, “You do not even go out or have fun, you just stay home.” I wanted to slap the crap out of her. No, that would make her resent me, besides she is past the age of spanking. I thought about screaming at her with profanity-laced anger. No, my father did that and our relationship has never been the same. I realized she is her mother’s copy and she lives for and loves socializing, playing with friends and going to sleepovers and parties. Therefore, I created her “why” for her by linking her social life directly to her weekly test scores. Every Friday my ex-wife calls her teacher and gets her scores before we allow time with friends. She is once again at the top of her class. She is once again enjoying school and still dances, plays soccer, attends sleepovers, goes to parties and is happy.

If any parent out there can explain to me how a child you would give your life for in a second, without hesitation can be so cruel at times, I would greatly like to hear from you.

In the coming days, I kept going over what she said. It was apparent to me that my daughter was disappointed in me. My daughter was watching me closely and my example was living by default in a job that was not my first choice. I lived for Friday and dreaded Monday. I was 430 pounds and did not go out because I had no confidence and the more negative things people said, the more I closed up. My daughter was at the age that she was ashamed of me. My heart broken, I spent the next several days in a pity party that would make myself sick, if I were not the one I pitied.

How could I possibly get through to her and teach her that if she designs her life it will be infinitely more enjoyable. Then, like a meteor from space, it hit me in the head. Do not tell her, but show her through example. If I could somehow lose the weight, move to a career I enjoy, become out-going, think positive, shrug off negative comments and negative people, gain more faith and spirituality, smile more and take risks, I could perhaps get through to her. I thought, my goodness I might as well add walk on water, because there is no way I can do all that. I need help, but who can help me. I was tinkering in the basement when I found an old Anthony Robbins cassette tape that is how old it was. I searched and found my old Sony Walkman and put the tape in. It was a talk about someone trying to lose weight and he told Robbins that he had tried everything. AR asked, have you tried Weight Watchers, the person said no. He asked, did you try weight loss surgery, he said no. He asked, did you try a personal trainer, he said no. AR then said you have not tried everything. If you try those and fail, then what are you going to try? If that does not work, then what are you going to try? The only person that fails is the person that quits. There are always different things or ways to try when one does not work.

My daughter as my “why” I focused on the project ahead. I have too many things to work on; I will never accomplish them all. Then I listened to “Secrets of Self Made Millionaires by Brian Tracy. He talks about why people fail to accomplish their goals. He says that when most people make goals they make a huge list and go to work on them all. They experience little success because they are working on too many goals at once. He suggested making a list of your top twenty goals. Study them carefully and then ask yourself which goal on that list if accomplished in the next 24 hours would improve your life the most. Write that goal down and then make a list of 10 to 20 things you can do to accomplish that goal. (Example: Weight Loss --> Reduce calories, work out, keep food diary, calorie diary, switch to raw foods, eliminate fast food, etc., etc.). Then he says to do at least one thing everyday on the list to move towards that goal. When you achieve that goal then go on to the next most important goal and repeat. Work one goal at a time with laser focus, doing at least one thing each day to achieve that goal. My number one goal is lose weight, I am now 50% of the way to finishing this goal.

I decided that I could work on other areas as I gained confidence. I set up a Facebook account. I have connected with many family, friends and people I have not spoken with in 20 years or more. I set up a twitter account. I set up a blog and decided to share my feelings and learn and grow from others. I have received a few negative comments and mean spirited comments, but through Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits, I am learning that I control the reaction and only I have the power to allow them to hurt me.

It is starting to work. My daughter asked if she could read my blog. I told her she could, that I try not to use any language that I would not use in this house. Before she looked at it, she asked me about all the holiday parties I attended. She asked, “How many did you attend?” I responded I went to eight holiday parties. She then added I have never seen you go to parties or take us out so much. This Christmas was one of the best ever. I replied, it was fun and I enjoy spending time with family and friends. She asked, “Did losing weight make you want to go to parties?” I replied, “No living my life by design and planning my life with what I enjoy instead of whatever comes my way made me go to parties. Weight loss is just one part of switching from living by default to living by design.” She is watching me closely and if she reads this, I love you and I am doing this for myself. However, pay close attention to the changes in my happiness and enjoyment in life. Everyday I move closer to living by design and it is what I desire most in life for you. It is hard work and overwhelming at times. However, keep your focus on your “why” and never quit, you will achieve your goals.

I am grateful to the person that called me a fool for doing this at this stage in my life and for asking me why I am doing it. It allowed me to closely examine my “why” and explore how I could address his question. My research leads me to Dan Green and Finish Strong, then to Miles Levin and his amazing story and accomplishments. These two put it all into perspective for me. Finish my life strong and like the hero Miles Levin, make an impact on someone… hopefully two people that I call my children.


“If you wish to make an impact for one year, plant corn; if you wish to make an impact for a generation, plant a tree; if you wish to make an impact for an eternity, educate a child” ---- Author Unkown