Ego or Mid-Life Crisis Moment?

I was at the gym today and in walked this rather attractive, young twenty-something woman. She is the type of woman that other women loathe and men ogle. Personally, I try not to look at other women because it can get you in trouble (ask Tiger), or perhaps a restraining order. However, my gym decided it would be cool if they put six-foot tall mirrors around the entire place. It is like having mirror wallpaper with no space between mirrors.

I am just starting on my workout on the Cybex Arc-Trainer. After she scouts the facility, I get a little nervous when she walks up behind me and steps on the machine right next to me. There are at least twenty vacant machines nearby. Naturally, the maleness of my being immediately realized that it made perfect sense because chicks dig me. It did not register that there are only two Cybex Arc-Trainers in the center and they are side-by-side. I thought I would impress her with my new-found cardio-stamina.

Instantly, I knew I was in trouble when her two-minute warm up was the same speed as my mid-workout sprint! However, I am man and I have ego. Throw in a little mid-life crisis moment and the recipe for death is now in place. I decided to match this vision stride-for-stride. Ten minutes into the workout and I looked and felt like John Candy during the racquetball game with Tom Hanks in Splash! However, I pushed on with a single thought; impress or die!

Then, proving that the Lord answers middle-age men’s prayers, an intervention saved my life. The answer to my prayer came in the form of Lady Ga- Ga’s, Bad Romance. Yes, it blasted from an I-phone… her I-phone. This woman took her perfectly manicured right index finger and hit pause, slowing while she took the call. Realizing that the Lord was intervening, I took my perfectly chubby, slightly nail-bitten right index finger and pressed stop! I climbed off the arc-trainer and wiped it down. I staggered out to my car and lean against it in the frigid winter air. I was so hot that the steam coming from my body looked like a volcano venting before erupting and was surely visible from space. When my heart rate, breathing and body temperature returned to normal, I glanced at the windows of the gym. This young woman was once again at full-stride. Nodding in confidence, I grinned and entered my car repeating, chicks dig me. My mom digs me and my daughter digs me as long as I give her everything she wants. My sisters dig me. Working out can be so complicated.

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton