I generally do not post negative comments I receive. I believe that there is too much negativity in our world and it certainly does not improve ones attitude. However, I received a message that was both positive and negative and decided to address it rather than just place it in the comments section.
Anonymous Wrote:
Introduced to your blog from a friend I have a few comments. My friend really enjoys your blog and thinks you are an enjoyable read. I found your blog to be somewhat inspiring and found myself smiling, chuckling and even an occasional tear. Reading your entries I get a clear visual in my mind of what is happening. This is a rare gift and I encourage you to explore it. My problem with your blog is that I am a professional writer. I make my living as a writer. Although I enjoyed your blog, I cringed at the occasional poor sentence structure and the lack of proper punctuation. If you get the proper education in these areas, you could perhaps make a living as a writer. I want to congratulate you on your efforts thus far and wish you continued success.
When I read this, I was flattered and actually felt good about myself. A “professional” writer enjoys my blog and believes I have potential. This is awesome. However, I did not start this blog to hone my writing skills to become a professional writer. I simply decided to write this blog to express my feelings and share my experiences of my world. In it I would share my journey to become more than I am. I leave it open to family, friends and others, learning and growing with them as well. However, if Andy Rooney should ever retire and 60 minutes would consider a poor sentence structure, lack of punctuation, kind of person… I am extremely interested. I can ramble on for three minutes about things good and bad in the world. It is my perfect job and I have several subjects already in mind. As a professional writer, would you please let 60 minutes know I am available. :-) Please inform them that we will be turning the wide-angle lens vertical, this should make me appear taller and thinner… in theory. In addition, please inform them that I have already committed to trimming my ear hair and I like my eyebrows short. If they like me with more hair and the pay is good enough I will consider wearing a rug. I should be able to find something appealing in the Elton John collection.
As for the rest of how I feel, I will leave it in the hands of a far better writer and a professional. I first read this many years ago. It is one of my favorite quotes of all-time. I believe this woman has nine or more books published. Oh, when I read this I see a few errors. Of course, this could be me seeing it correct and wanting to change it to my poor structure. I guess I will never know. I do know one thing, if people allow criticism to limit their endeavors we will miss out on a great deal of wonderful things this life has to offer. Please enjoy the beautiful, eloquent and talented Marianne Williamson.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ---- Marianne Williamson
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Mutiny
It was November 5, 1988; I stood in front of a large group of people. Sweating, bleeding and exchanging vows. I was more nervous than anytime in my life. I knew I loved her, but marriage, extended parents, sickness and health. I nearly passed out. A few months later, I realized that everything would be fine and that I was still king of my world. I know this because when I filed my tax return the IRS made me check the box that read, “Head of household filing jointly.” Yes, I realized I was Captain of this vessel.
Twenty-one years and two labor-intensive births later, I am convinced the IRS really does not know much at all. I recently looked at Turbo Tax and nowhere is there a box that reflects my current position. If they did have a more accurate assessment of my situation, it would read, “Least influential member of household, responsible for financial obligations and legal implications filing jointly.”
When I began this journey, I gathered the crew and instructed them that we could no longer purchase or stock junk food. The crew agreed and we set sail for a challenging and glorious journey to thin land. The only snacks allowed will be the 100-calorie packs. This will manage portion control and keep a snack binge to minimal damage. If one does have a snack-seizure and attack the snacks like a beast out of control, it requires more effort as each bag is small. Such a snack-seizure could lead to anger and guilt as you see the six opened, emptied bags on the table. Fortunately, the damage is only six-hundred calories. The anger and guilt could lead to a protein drink two-day recovery period. Certainly, I have never done this. I am only saying it could happen… to someone else… somewhere else… with a different name.
Imagine my shock when I recently opened the pantry door and family-size bags of Doritos, Pretzels and Fritos slapped me in the face. I quickly slammed the door shut. The vitamin cupboard always contains protein bars I will go there. Instantly my eyes focused on two huge bars of chocolate. It is the more expensive type with bits of toffee and almonds. Everyone knows this is the most effective anti-depressant drug on the earth and nearly as addictive as oxycontin. I slammed the door and left for a walk.
Upon returning from my walk, my ex-wife was visiting in the kitchen. Her back to me, I asked where the chips and chocolate came from. Her response was intoxicatingly slurred. It sounded as though she said that the kids wanted and demanded it. I asked her what was wrong with her mouth. Again, more intoxicated slurred speech. I asked her to turn around. I asked her to open her mouth. It was full of chocolate! The kids demanded it I repeated. Then why are you eating it?
“Look Todd, you are the one that has told the kids every month to tread lightly because a demon has come for a short visit.”
Are you telling me that you went on a junk food shopping spree because of your menstrual cycle?
(Hoy, I wish life; much like television had a five-second delay. This would allow me to quickly press the mute button before my words arrived at their intended audience. Certainly could have worded that better to the mother of my children. However, I am man and I rarely think before I speak.)
I cannot really share what she said next. However, I have confirmation my once angelic, beautiful, forgiving; gentle, non-foul ex-wife is occasionally in the firm grasp of a demon. Her comment started with “You Know”. It is my life experience that when a woman, any woman, starts her comment off with “You know” it is not going to be pleasant. The best thing to do is zip it shut, duck and cover. When a glorious, beautiful mountain becomes an angry, violent volcano, your best action is to let it vent. Interfering with this venting process can lead to a full-blown eruption and the complete annihilation of the glorious mountain and devour all the manions, I mean minions below. The final word of her comment is not a bad stand-alone word “hole”.
Quietly, I hide in the dark with keyboard at my knees. Watching, listening, and anxiously waiting for the naturally occurring exorcism that will occur in three or four days. Until then kids, remain cloaked and tread lightly for she may return. :-)
Above, I tease and make fun of my ex-wife with her permission. It is no coincidence that my daughter's school project on heroes is about her Mother. This woman taught me the gift of forgiveness, including forgiving myself.
"In loneliness, in sickness, in confusion-the mere knowledge of friendship makes it possible to endure, even if the friend is powerless to help. It is enough that they exist. Friendship is not diminished by distance or time, by imprisonment or war, by suffering or silence. It is in these things that it roots most deeply. It is from these things that it flowers."
-Pam Brown
Twenty-one years and two labor-intensive births later, I am convinced the IRS really does not know much at all. I recently looked at Turbo Tax and nowhere is there a box that reflects my current position. If they did have a more accurate assessment of my situation, it would read, “Least influential member of household, responsible for financial obligations and legal implications filing jointly.”
When I began this journey, I gathered the crew and instructed them that we could no longer purchase or stock junk food. The crew agreed and we set sail for a challenging and glorious journey to thin land. The only snacks allowed will be the 100-calorie packs. This will manage portion control and keep a snack binge to minimal damage. If one does have a snack-seizure and attack the snacks like a beast out of control, it requires more effort as each bag is small. Such a snack-seizure could lead to anger and guilt as you see the six opened, emptied bags on the table. Fortunately, the damage is only six-hundred calories. The anger and guilt could lead to a protein drink two-day recovery period. Certainly, I have never done this. I am only saying it could happen… to someone else… somewhere else… with a different name.
Imagine my shock when I recently opened the pantry door and family-size bags of Doritos, Pretzels and Fritos slapped me in the face. I quickly slammed the door shut. The vitamin cupboard always contains protein bars I will go there. Instantly my eyes focused on two huge bars of chocolate. It is the more expensive type with bits of toffee and almonds. Everyone knows this is the most effective anti-depressant drug on the earth and nearly as addictive as oxycontin. I slammed the door and left for a walk.
Upon returning from my walk, my ex-wife was visiting in the kitchen. Her back to me, I asked where the chips and chocolate came from. Her response was intoxicatingly slurred. It sounded as though she said that the kids wanted and demanded it. I asked her what was wrong with her mouth. Again, more intoxicated slurred speech. I asked her to turn around. I asked her to open her mouth. It was full of chocolate! The kids demanded it I repeated. Then why are you eating it?
“Look Todd, you are the one that has told the kids every month to tread lightly because a demon has come for a short visit.”
Are you telling me that you went on a junk food shopping spree because of your menstrual cycle?
(Hoy, I wish life; much like television had a five-second delay. This would allow me to quickly press the mute button before my words arrived at their intended audience. Certainly could have worded that better to the mother of my children. However, I am man and I rarely think before I speak.)
I cannot really share what she said next. However, I have confirmation my once angelic, beautiful, forgiving; gentle, non-foul ex-wife is occasionally in the firm grasp of a demon. Her comment started with “You Know”. It is my life experience that when a woman, any woman, starts her comment off with “You know” it is not going to be pleasant. The best thing to do is zip it shut, duck and cover. When a glorious, beautiful mountain becomes an angry, violent volcano, your best action is to let it vent. Interfering with this venting process can lead to a full-blown eruption and the complete annihilation of the glorious mountain and devour all the manions, I mean minions below. The final word of her comment is not a bad stand-alone word “hole”.
Quietly, I hide in the dark with keyboard at my knees. Watching, listening, and anxiously waiting for the naturally occurring exorcism that will occur in three or four days. Until then kids, remain cloaked and tread lightly for she may return. :-)
Above, I tease and make fun of my ex-wife with her permission. It is no coincidence that my daughter's school project on heroes is about her Mother. This woman taught me the gift of forgiveness, including forgiving myself.
"In loneliness, in sickness, in confusion-the mere knowledge of friendship makes it possible to endure, even if the friend is powerless to help. It is enough that they exist. Friendship is not diminished by distance or time, by imprisonment or war, by suffering or silence. It is in these things that it roots most deeply. It is from these things that it flowers."
-Pam Brown
Monday, January 18, 2010
Finish Strong (Part Three -- Conclusion)
I apologize for the length but I would like to finish this topic.
If your why is strong enough you can achieve most anything.
I worked overtime shifts for three years. I worked when I could have been home with her and my son. I did what was necessary to pay the tuition for her to attend three years of the most highly sought after preschool in our area. I had to use connections and step on a few toes to get her accepted. When she arrived at kindergarten, she knew how to read, write, count, color, basic Spanish words and could count to 20 in Spanish. I made sure she was given time to play and spend time with friends. She wanted to dance, so I worked more and made sure she attended the best dance academy in the area. She wanted to try soccer, so I enrolled her, purchased all the equipment and attended every game. I watched, she was looking down at her own stride and became so impressed that she ran right off the soccer field and just kept going. She was a perfect student leading her class in every grade until the end of her first term in fourth grade. I arrived home from work and my ex-wife handed me a letter from her school. My adorable little girl was failing two courses. How could this be and why did I not see it coming?
I called her from her room and asked what was happening at school and if she needed help in these subjects. She replied she just did not want to do it anymore and that school was no longer important. Searching my thoughts for the right comments, I asked her what she wanted to do when she would be an adult. She just shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” I said to her that if she worked hard in school and at everything, she could have the opportunity to design her life just as she wanted. I said, if you work hard and pursue your dreams I will support you every step of the way and you will live a very full and enjoyable life. Her eyes developed the most angry, hate-like glare one I have never seen on her before. Glaring straight at me, she said, “Is that what you are doing Dad, pursuing your dreams? Is that what you are doing, living by design?” She added, “You do not even go out or have fun, you just stay home.” I wanted to slap the crap out of her. No, that would make her resent me, besides she is past the age of spanking. I thought about screaming at her with profanity-laced anger. No, my father did that and our relationship has never been the same. I realized she is her mother’s copy and she lives for and loves socializing, playing with friends and going to sleepovers and parties. Therefore, I created her “why” for her by linking her social life directly to her weekly test scores. Every Friday my ex-wife calls her teacher and gets her scores before we allow time with friends. She is once again at the top of her class. She is once again enjoying school and still dances, plays soccer, attends sleepovers, goes to parties and is happy.
If any parent out there can explain to me how a child you would give your life for in a second, without hesitation can be so cruel at times, I would greatly like to hear from you.
In the coming days, I kept going over what she said. It was apparent to me that my daughter was disappointed in me. My daughter was watching me closely and my example was living by default in a job that was not my first choice. I lived for Friday and dreaded Monday. I was 430 pounds and did not go out because I had no confidence and the more negative things people said, the more I closed up. My daughter was at the age that she was ashamed of me. My heart broken, I spent the next several days in a pity party that would make myself sick, if I were not the one I pitied.
How could I possibly get through to her and teach her that if she designs her life it will be infinitely more enjoyable. Then, like a meteor from space, it hit me in the head. Do not tell her, but show her through example. If I could somehow lose the weight, move to a career I enjoy, become out-going, think positive, shrug off negative comments and negative people, gain more faith and spirituality, smile more and take risks, I could perhaps get through to her. I thought, my goodness I might as well add walk on water, because there is no way I can do all that. I need help, but who can help me. I was tinkering in the basement when I found an old Anthony Robbins cassette tape that is how old it was. I searched and found my old Sony Walkman and put the tape in. It was a talk about someone trying to lose weight and he told Robbins that he had tried everything. AR asked, have you tried Weight Watchers, the person said no. He asked, did you try weight loss surgery, he said no. He asked, did you try a personal trainer, he said no. AR then said you have not tried everything. If you try those and fail, then what are you going to try? If that does not work, then what are you going to try? The only person that fails is the person that quits. There are always different things or ways to try when one does not work.
My daughter as my “why” I focused on the project ahead. I have too many things to work on; I will never accomplish them all. Then I listened to “Secrets of Self Made Millionaires by Brian Tracy. He talks about why people fail to accomplish their goals. He says that when most people make goals they make a huge list and go to work on them all. They experience little success because they are working on too many goals at once. He suggested making a list of your top twenty goals. Study them carefully and then ask yourself which goal on that list if accomplished in the next 24 hours would improve your life the most. Write that goal down and then make a list of 10 to 20 things you can do to accomplish that goal. (Example: Weight Loss --> Reduce calories, work out, keep food diary, calorie diary, switch to raw foods, eliminate fast food, etc., etc.). Then he says to do at least one thing everyday on the list to move towards that goal. When you achieve that goal then go on to the next most important goal and repeat. Work one goal at a time with laser focus, doing at least one thing each day to achieve that goal. My number one goal is lose weight, I am now 50% of the way to finishing this goal.
I decided that I could work on other areas as I gained confidence. I set up a Facebook account. I have connected with many family, friends and people I have not spoken with in 20 years or more. I set up a twitter account. I set up a blog and decided to share my feelings and learn and grow from others. I have received a few negative comments and mean spirited comments, but through Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits, I am learning that I control the reaction and only I have the power to allow them to hurt me.
It is starting to work. My daughter asked if she could read my blog. I told her she could, that I try not to use any language that I would not use in this house. Before she looked at it, she asked me about all the holiday parties I attended. She asked, “How many did you attend?” I responded I went to eight holiday parties. She then added I have never seen you go to parties or take us out so much. This Christmas was one of the best ever. I replied, it was fun and I enjoy spending time with family and friends. She asked, “Did losing weight make you want to go to parties?” I replied, “No living my life by design and planning my life with what I enjoy instead of whatever comes my way made me go to parties. Weight loss is just one part of switching from living by default to living by design.” She is watching me closely and if she reads this, I love you and I am doing this for myself. However, pay close attention to the changes in my happiness and enjoyment in life. Everyday I move closer to living by design and it is what I desire most in life for you. It is hard work and overwhelming at times. However, keep your focus on your “why” and never quit, you will achieve your goals.
I am grateful to the person that called me a fool for doing this at this stage in my life and for asking me why I am doing it. It allowed me to closely examine my “why” and explore how I could address his question. My research leads me to Dan Green and Finish Strong, then to Miles Levin and his amazing story and accomplishments. These two put it all into perspective for me. Finish my life strong and like the hero Miles Levin, make an impact on someone… hopefully two people that I call my children.
“If you wish to make an impact for one year, plant corn; if you wish to make an impact for a generation, plant a tree; if you wish to make an impact for an eternity, educate a child” ---- Author Unkown
If your why is strong enough you can achieve most anything.
I worked overtime shifts for three years. I worked when I could have been home with her and my son. I did what was necessary to pay the tuition for her to attend three years of the most highly sought after preschool in our area. I had to use connections and step on a few toes to get her accepted. When she arrived at kindergarten, she knew how to read, write, count, color, basic Spanish words and could count to 20 in Spanish. I made sure she was given time to play and spend time with friends. She wanted to dance, so I worked more and made sure she attended the best dance academy in the area. She wanted to try soccer, so I enrolled her, purchased all the equipment and attended every game. I watched, she was looking down at her own stride and became so impressed that she ran right off the soccer field and just kept going. She was a perfect student leading her class in every grade until the end of her first term in fourth grade. I arrived home from work and my ex-wife handed me a letter from her school. My adorable little girl was failing two courses. How could this be and why did I not see it coming?
I called her from her room and asked what was happening at school and if she needed help in these subjects. She replied she just did not want to do it anymore and that school was no longer important. Searching my thoughts for the right comments, I asked her what she wanted to do when she would be an adult. She just shrugged and said, “I don’t know.” I said to her that if she worked hard in school and at everything, she could have the opportunity to design her life just as she wanted. I said, if you work hard and pursue your dreams I will support you every step of the way and you will live a very full and enjoyable life. Her eyes developed the most angry, hate-like glare one I have never seen on her before. Glaring straight at me, she said, “Is that what you are doing Dad, pursuing your dreams? Is that what you are doing, living by design?” She added, “You do not even go out or have fun, you just stay home.” I wanted to slap the crap out of her. No, that would make her resent me, besides she is past the age of spanking. I thought about screaming at her with profanity-laced anger. No, my father did that and our relationship has never been the same. I realized she is her mother’s copy and she lives for and loves socializing, playing with friends and going to sleepovers and parties. Therefore, I created her “why” for her by linking her social life directly to her weekly test scores. Every Friday my ex-wife calls her teacher and gets her scores before we allow time with friends. She is once again at the top of her class. She is once again enjoying school and still dances, plays soccer, attends sleepovers, goes to parties and is happy.
If any parent out there can explain to me how a child you would give your life for in a second, without hesitation can be so cruel at times, I would greatly like to hear from you.
In the coming days, I kept going over what she said. It was apparent to me that my daughter was disappointed in me. My daughter was watching me closely and my example was living by default in a job that was not my first choice. I lived for Friday and dreaded Monday. I was 430 pounds and did not go out because I had no confidence and the more negative things people said, the more I closed up. My daughter was at the age that she was ashamed of me. My heart broken, I spent the next several days in a pity party that would make myself sick, if I were not the one I pitied.
How could I possibly get through to her and teach her that if she designs her life it will be infinitely more enjoyable. Then, like a meteor from space, it hit me in the head. Do not tell her, but show her through example. If I could somehow lose the weight, move to a career I enjoy, become out-going, think positive, shrug off negative comments and negative people, gain more faith and spirituality, smile more and take risks, I could perhaps get through to her. I thought, my goodness I might as well add walk on water, because there is no way I can do all that. I need help, but who can help me. I was tinkering in the basement when I found an old Anthony Robbins cassette tape that is how old it was. I searched and found my old Sony Walkman and put the tape in. It was a talk about someone trying to lose weight and he told Robbins that he had tried everything. AR asked, have you tried Weight Watchers, the person said no. He asked, did you try weight loss surgery, he said no. He asked, did you try a personal trainer, he said no. AR then said you have not tried everything. If you try those and fail, then what are you going to try? If that does not work, then what are you going to try? The only person that fails is the person that quits. There are always different things or ways to try when one does not work.
My daughter as my “why” I focused on the project ahead. I have too many things to work on; I will never accomplish them all. Then I listened to “Secrets of Self Made Millionaires by Brian Tracy. He talks about why people fail to accomplish their goals. He says that when most people make goals they make a huge list and go to work on them all. They experience little success because they are working on too many goals at once. He suggested making a list of your top twenty goals. Study them carefully and then ask yourself which goal on that list if accomplished in the next 24 hours would improve your life the most. Write that goal down and then make a list of 10 to 20 things you can do to accomplish that goal. (Example: Weight Loss --> Reduce calories, work out, keep food diary, calorie diary, switch to raw foods, eliminate fast food, etc., etc.). Then he says to do at least one thing everyday on the list to move towards that goal. When you achieve that goal then go on to the next most important goal and repeat. Work one goal at a time with laser focus, doing at least one thing each day to achieve that goal. My number one goal is lose weight, I am now 50% of the way to finishing this goal.
I decided that I could work on other areas as I gained confidence. I set up a Facebook account. I have connected with many family, friends and people I have not spoken with in 20 years or more. I set up a twitter account. I set up a blog and decided to share my feelings and learn and grow from others. I have received a few negative comments and mean spirited comments, but through Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits, I am learning that I control the reaction and only I have the power to allow them to hurt me.
It is starting to work. My daughter asked if she could read my blog. I told her she could, that I try not to use any language that I would not use in this house. Before she looked at it, she asked me about all the holiday parties I attended. She asked, “How many did you attend?” I responded I went to eight holiday parties. She then added I have never seen you go to parties or take us out so much. This Christmas was one of the best ever. I replied, it was fun and I enjoy spending time with family and friends. She asked, “Did losing weight make you want to go to parties?” I replied, “No living my life by design and planning my life with what I enjoy instead of whatever comes my way made me go to parties. Weight loss is just one part of switching from living by default to living by design.” She is watching me closely and if she reads this, I love you and I am doing this for myself. However, pay close attention to the changes in my happiness and enjoyment in life. Everyday I move closer to living by design and it is what I desire most in life for you. It is hard work and overwhelming at times. However, keep your focus on your “why” and never quit, you will achieve your goals.
I am grateful to the person that called me a fool for doing this at this stage in my life and for asking me why I am doing it. It allowed me to closely examine my “why” and explore how I could address his question. My research leads me to Dan Green and Finish Strong, then to Miles Levin and his amazing story and accomplishments. These two put it all into perspective for me. Finish my life strong and like the hero Miles Levin, make an impact on someone… hopefully two people that I call my children.
“If you wish to make an impact for one year, plant corn; if you wish to make an impact for a generation, plant a tree; if you wish to make an impact for an eternity, educate a child” ---- Author Unkown
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Finish Strong (Part Two)
In order for anyone to take on the challenge of what I have decided to pursue, one must have a strong why. Why would anyone with half or slightly more of their years left want to work so hard to achieve their life’s ambitions. Why would one attempt to lose more than 200 pounds and attempt to live by design, instead of by default? One week ago, I had no idea that Miles Levin even existed. However, as mentioned I purchased a book Finish Strong by Dan Green that introduced me to Miles. Moved by the comments in the book, I did more research on Miles and found that his Mother or someone brilliantly saved his blog at Care Pages. I read it, studied it, and Miles why stood out like a brilliant search light on a pitch-black horizon.
Miles received the horrific news of his cancer and that his life most likely would be far shorter than he ever imagined. This young man’s why is evident in his quotes. He feared leaving this life having not made an impact on anyone. Brilliantly, this young man cleared his mind of all clutter and searched his soul how to make an impact. It is obvious he was aware of the physical challenge ahead of him, but he knew that the disease and the upcoming fight could not touch his mind or his intellect. Using laser-like focus, he wrote things well beyond that of an average 17-year-old and through inspiration and revelation saw the world in a different light. Even hitting golf balls took on a new meaning and importance. He became a remarkable man and accomplished his ambitions of making an impact on someone. I read there are estimates that 15,000 people or more were following his blog. Through the book Finish Strong by Dan Green and others, Miles Levin continues to make an impact today. He has definitely made an impact on me. He will continue to have an impact on those I share him with and my children.
In order to achieve the extraordinary most of us need a powerful why. The majority of people need a life-altering message to achieve their ambitions and dreams. Most people lose larger amounts of weight or quit smoking when the doctor tells them if you do not, you will get this or that disease or perhaps they already have developed that disease. So, how does one get the motivation to accept the challenge of pursuing their ambitions and transitioning from living by default to living by design with no inherent life-altering message? How does one achieve the GOYA effect? (Get Off Your Anatomy -- Borrowed from my new friend Kyle Alfriend) When the pain ahead will be far more challenging than the easiness of not making changes. This is where I found myself 18-months ago after a heated discussion with my then 10-year-old daughter.
“What is easy and obvious is never valued; and even what is in itself difficult, if we come to knowledge of it without difficulty, and without and stretch of thought or judgment, is but little regarded.” - David Hume
My "Why" defined in the final part of Finish Strong...
Miles received the horrific news of his cancer and that his life most likely would be far shorter than he ever imagined. This young man’s why is evident in his quotes. He feared leaving this life having not made an impact on anyone. Brilliantly, this young man cleared his mind of all clutter and searched his soul how to make an impact. It is obvious he was aware of the physical challenge ahead of him, but he knew that the disease and the upcoming fight could not touch his mind or his intellect. Using laser-like focus, he wrote things well beyond that of an average 17-year-old and through inspiration and revelation saw the world in a different light. Even hitting golf balls took on a new meaning and importance. He became a remarkable man and accomplished his ambitions of making an impact on someone. I read there are estimates that 15,000 people or more were following his blog. Through the book Finish Strong by Dan Green and others, Miles Levin continues to make an impact today. He has definitely made an impact on me. He will continue to have an impact on those I share him with and my children.
In order to achieve the extraordinary most of us need a powerful why. The majority of people need a life-altering message to achieve their ambitions and dreams. Most people lose larger amounts of weight or quit smoking when the doctor tells them if you do not, you will get this or that disease or perhaps they already have developed that disease. So, how does one get the motivation to accept the challenge of pursuing their ambitions and transitioning from living by default to living by design with no inherent life-altering message? How does one achieve the GOYA effect? (Get Off Your Anatomy -- Borrowed from my new friend Kyle Alfriend) When the pain ahead will be far more challenging than the easiness of not making changes. This is where I found myself 18-months ago after a heated discussion with my then 10-year-old daughter.
“What is easy and obvious is never valued; and even what is in itself difficult, if we come to knowledge of it without difficulty, and without and stretch of thought or judgment, is but little regarded.” - David Hume
My "Why" defined in the final part of Finish Strong...
Friday, January 15, 2010
Finish Strong (Part One)
Someone recently asked me why I am doing this blog and why I am trying to become the man I desire to be my whole life, when my productive years are numbered. This is an excellent question as misguided as it is. He went on to tell me that he has lived a full life and for his remaining years planned to eat, drink and be merry. He added, that he is not out to impress anyone and he does not worry about his weight nor his accomplishments. An interesting perspective, however I believe in the end he will regret it.
If we take his logic, I have lived 60% of my life and only 40% remains. The average male life expectancy in America is close to 76 and I will soon celebrate my 46th birthday. I hope for much longer, and through a healthy lifestyle I intend to live longer, but there are no guarantees. I once heard a man tell Stephen Covey that his running ten miles per day throughout his life will add ten years to his life. Covey replied, yes but you spent those ten years running. I did not do the math, but do understand the principal meaning. It comes down to priorities and quality of life. If one spends too much time in the gym or working to achieve goals and dreams, one misses the best things in life and the reason you are doing all the work for in the first place.
In the book Finish Strong by Dan Green, I came upon a story that explains this desire to finish your life strong. It is an eloquently written blog by an incredible, terminally ill young teenager, which sadly lost the battle to cancer. He is Miles Alpern Levin and he started his blog after learning he had cancer. Here is a link to his story: http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/08/20/obit.miles.levin/index.html. I quote him, “Dying is not what scares me. It’s dying having no impact.” His comparison of life and a bucket of golf balls explain it best.
Miles Alpern Levin July 7, 2005:
“I went to the driving range the other day and I was thinking . . .
I was thinking how you start out with a big bucket full of golf balls, and you just start hitting away carelessly. You have dozens of them, each individual ball means nothing so you just hit, hit, hit. One ball gone is practically inconsequential when subtracted from your bottomless bucket. There are no practice swings or technique re-evaluations after a bad shot, because so many more tries, remain. Yet eventually you start to have to reach down towards the bottom of the bucket to scavenge for another shot and you realize that tries are running out. Now with just a handful left, each swing becomes more meaningful. The right technique becomes more crucial, so between each shot you take a couple practice swings and a few deep breaths. There is a very strong need to end on a good note, even if every preceding shot was horrible, getting it right at the end means a lot. You know as you tee up your last ball, “This is my final shot, I want to crush this with perfection; I must make this count.” Limited quantities or limited time brings a new, precious value and significance to anything you do. Live every day shooting as if it’s your last shot, I know I have to.”
Well said young Miles and I pray you are walking with your Savior in the highest kingdom.
"I have tried my best to show what it is to persevere, and what it means to be strong." --- Miles Levin
To be continued...
If we take his logic, I have lived 60% of my life and only 40% remains. The average male life expectancy in America is close to 76 and I will soon celebrate my 46th birthday. I hope for much longer, and through a healthy lifestyle I intend to live longer, but there are no guarantees. I once heard a man tell Stephen Covey that his running ten miles per day throughout his life will add ten years to his life. Covey replied, yes but you spent those ten years running. I did not do the math, but do understand the principal meaning. It comes down to priorities and quality of life. If one spends too much time in the gym or working to achieve goals and dreams, one misses the best things in life and the reason you are doing all the work for in the first place.
In the book Finish Strong by Dan Green, I came upon a story that explains this desire to finish your life strong. It is an eloquently written blog by an incredible, terminally ill young teenager, which sadly lost the battle to cancer. He is Miles Alpern Levin and he started his blog after learning he had cancer. Here is a link to his story: http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/08/20/obit.miles.levin/index.html. I quote him, “Dying is not what scares me. It’s dying having no impact.” His comparison of life and a bucket of golf balls explain it best.
Miles Alpern Levin July 7, 2005:
“I went to the driving range the other day and I was thinking . . .
I was thinking how you start out with a big bucket full of golf balls, and you just start hitting away carelessly. You have dozens of them, each individual ball means nothing so you just hit, hit, hit. One ball gone is practically inconsequential when subtracted from your bottomless bucket. There are no practice swings or technique re-evaluations after a bad shot, because so many more tries, remain. Yet eventually you start to have to reach down towards the bottom of the bucket to scavenge for another shot and you realize that tries are running out. Now with just a handful left, each swing becomes more meaningful. The right technique becomes more crucial, so between each shot you take a couple practice swings and a few deep breaths. There is a very strong need to end on a good note, even if every preceding shot was horrible, getting it right at the end means a lot. You know as you tee up your last ball, “This is my final shot, I want to crush this with perfection; I must make this count.” Limited quantities or limited time brings a new, precious value and significance to anything you do. Live every day shooting as if it’s your last shot, I know I have to.”
Well said young Miles and I pray you are walking with your Savior in the highest kingdom.
"I have tried my best to show what it is to persevere, and what it means to be strong." --- Miles Levin
To be continued...
Monday, January 11, 2010
What is in a Name?
Throughout our lives, people call us many names. Some are from people that are angry with us. Some names are from people that love us. Some names are from people trying to be funny. Some names are from people trying to be hurtful. Some names we find funny and others we do not. People with weight issues are not the only people that endure a deluge of name-calling. My best friend from my childhood endured many names and did so with a smile, but down deep, I know he was hurting. I know this, because I was hurting with him. He was not heavy, but a great young man of color. When you have weight issues or find yourself in a minority situation, you really learn how cruel the world can be. I, like my best friend have always tried to face it with a positive attitude. One cannot let the world bring you down, not for one minute.
Recently, a 500-pound man greeted me with, “What’s up Big Man”. A woman pushing 300-pounds greeted me with, “How’s it going Big Guy”. Oddly, both of these individuals weighed at least as much and probably more than I do. Here are a few of the names used on my behalf in the past year. Many are entertaining and I realize that the person is just trying to be funny. Names I do not answer to, but occasionally hear, Michelin man, Pillsbury doughboy, Stay-Puft marshmallow man. If you say, “sup’ Hoss”, do not expect an answer. If you meet me in public, one “hey” is sufficient. Repeating it with hey, hey, hey is just darn rude! Universally everyone knows what follows that phrase. Although it is clever and made me smile, as he walked away I thought, just a damn minute! I have a message for the elderly man at my gym. I enjoy our talks of JRR Tolkien. Yes, The Lord of The Rings trilogy is one of my favorite movies. However, continuing to refer to my weight loss endeavors as, “The Battle for Middle Girth”, while clever is wearing on me. I may have to accidentally hit the speed-up button on your treadmill and send you flying across the room.
A while back, a new neighbor moved into the home next to us. I believe she is a 50-something single woman/grandma. When she met me in the yard for the first time, she looked at me and made the following statement. “OMG, you look just like Russell Crowe… only fatter!” I was not shocked. In fact, visions of Gladiator's danced through my head. Only the positive aspects of her comment registered.
My name is Todd. Many of my friends call me Hurls, Hurley or variations of Todd. My mother calls me Pat, Mike, Kev, Todd, as she likes taking inventory before getting on with her comment. Keeping with the timeless tradition of younger sibling abuse, my beautiful little sister bound by a promise to call me a required phrase. It starts with “Sir King Cool” and failure to address me properly will result in continued voodoo doll torture. :) I only know of one person that got offended by the name Todd. It was yearbook-signing day at the end of my junior year. She asked me to sign her book on a select page. I told her it was full and she pointed out that there was about a half-inch on each side of the page fold. I signed something nice and we exchanged books. We read what each other wrote and she said, “Todd you are an a-hole” and in her best speed-walk scooted down the hall. Calling out to her and chasing her down, “I responded I am sorry did I offend you”? Scolding me she replied, “No one is more conscientious of their body than I am. It is rude of you for making fun of my breasts by signing “TO”, “DD” in my yearbook. I asked if I could see what I wrote. She pointed to the end of my writing. I pointed out that she asked me to write on both sides of the page fold. My name is Todd and divided by the page fold. Todd divided = TO ][ DD. Red faced and smiling, she surprisingly hugged me and said, “All is forgiven, see you next year”. :)
"I get by with a little help from my friends."
- John Lennon
Recently, a 500-pound man greeted me with, “What’s up Big Man”. A woman pushing 300-pounds greeted me with, “How’s it going Big Guy”. Oddly, both of these individuals weighed at least as much and probably more than I do. Here are a few of the names used on my behalf in the past year. Many are entertaining and I realize that the person is just trying to be funny. Names I do not answer to, but occasionally hear, Michelin man, Pillsbury doughboy, Stay-Puft marshmallow man. If you say, “sup’ Hoss”, do not expect an answer. If you meet me in public, one “hey” is sufficient. Repeating it with hey, hey, hey is just darn rude! Universally everyone knows what follows that phrase. Although it is clever and made me smile, as he walked away I thought, just a damn minute! I have a message for the elderly man at my gym. I enjoy our talks of JRR Tolkien. Yes, The Lord of The Rings trilogy is one of my favorite movies. However, continuing to refer to my weight loss endeavors as, “The Battle for Middle Girth”, while clever is wearing on me. I may have to accidentally hit the speed-up button on your treadmill and send you flying across the room.
A while back, a new neighbor moved into the home next to us. I believe she is a 50-something single woman/grandma. When she met me in the yard for the first time, she looked at me and made the following statement. “OMG, you look just like Russell Crowe… only fatter!” I was not shocked. In fact, visions of Gladiator's danced through my head. Only the positive aspects of her comment registered.
My name is Todd. Many of my friends call me Hurls, Hurley or variations of Todd. My mother calls me Pat, Mike, Kev, Todd, as she likes taking inventory before getting on with her comment. Keeping with the timeless tradition of younger sibling abuse, my beautiful little sister bound by a promise to call me a required phrase. It starts with “Sir King Cool” and failure to address me properly will result in continued voodoo doll torture. :) I only know of one person that got offended by the name Todd. It was yearbook-signing day at the end of my junior year. She asked me to sign her book on a select page. I told her it was full and she pointed out that there was about a half-inch on each side of the page fold. I signed something nice and we exchanged books. We read what each other wrote and she said, “Todd you are an a-hole” and in her best speed-walk scooted down the hall. Calling out to her and chasing her down, “I responded I am sorry did I offend you”? Scolding me she replied, “No one is more conscientious of their body than I am. It is rude of you for making fun of my breasts by signing “TO”, “DD” in my yearbook. I asked if I could see what I wrote. She pointed to the end of my writing. I pointed out that she asked me to write on both sides of the page fold. My name is Todd and divided by the page fold. Todd divided = TO ][ DD. Red faced and smiling, she surprisingly hugged me and said, “All is forgiven, see you next year”. :)
"I get by with a little help from my friends."
- John Lennon
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Ego or Mid-Life Crisis Moment?
I was at the gym today and in walked this rather attractive, young twenty-something woman. She is the type of woman that other women loathe and men ogle. Personally, I try not to look at other women because it can get you in trouble (ask Tiger), or perhaps a restraining order. However, my gym decided it would be cool if they put six-foot tall mirrors around the entire place. It is like having mirror wallpaper with no space between mirrors.
I am just starting on my workout on the Cybex Arc-Trainer. After she scouts the facility, I get a little nervous when she walks up behind me and steps on the machine right next to me. There are at least twenty vacant machines nearby. Naturally, the maleness of my being immediately realized that it made perfect sense because chicks dig me. It did not register that there are only two Cybex Arc-Trainers in the center and they are side-by-side. I thought I would impress her with my new-found cardio-stamina.
Instantly, I knew I was in trouble when her two-minute warm up was the same speed as my mid-workout sprint! However, I am man and I have ego. Throw in a little mid-life crisis moment and the recipe for death is now in place. I decided to match this vision stride-for-stride. Ten minutes into the workout and I looked and felt like John Candy during the racquetball game with Tom Hanks in Splash! However, I pushed on with a single thought; impress or die!
Then, proving that the Lord answers middle-age men’s prayers, an intervention saved my life. The answer to my prayer came in the form of Lady Ga- Ga’s, Bad Romance. Yes, it blasted from an I-phone… her I-phone. This woman took her perfectly manicured right index finger and hit pause, slowing while she took the call. Realizing that the Lord was intervening, I took my perfectly chubby, slightly nail-bitten right index finger and pressed stop! I climbed off the arc-trainer and wiped it down. I staggered out to my car and lean against it in the frigid winter air. I was so hot that the steam coming from my body looked like a volcano venting before erupting and was surely visible from space. When my heart rate, breathing and body temperature returned to normal, I glanced at the windows of the gym. This young woman was once again at full-stride. Nodding in confidence, I grinned and entered my car repeating, chicks dig me. My mom digs me and my daughter digs me as long as I give her everything she wants. My sisters dig me. Working out can be so complicated.
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton
I am just starting on my workout on the Cybex Arc-Trainer. After she scouts the facility, I get a little nervous when she walks up behind me and steps on the machine right next to me. There are at least twenty vacant machines nearby. Naturally, the maleness of my being immediately realized that it made perfect sense because chicks dig me. It did not register that there are only two Cybex Arc-Trainers in the center and they are side-by-side. I thought I would impress her with my new-found cardio-stamina.
Instantly, I knew I was in trouble when her two-minute warm up was the same speed as my mid-workout sprint! However, I am man and I have ego. Throw in a little mid-life crisis moment and the recipe for death is now in place. I decided to match this vision stride-for-stride. Ten minutes into the workout and I looked and felt like John Candy during the racquetball game with Tom Hanks in Splash! However, I pushed on with a single thought; impress or die!
Then, proving that the Lord answers middle-age men’s prayers, an intervention saved my life. The answer to my prayer came in the form of Lady Ga- Ga’s, Bad Romance. Yes, it blasted from an I-phone… her I-phone. This woman took her perfectly manicured right index finger and hit pause, slowing while she took the call. Realizing that the Lord was intervening, I took my perfectly chubby, slightly nail-bitten right index finger and pressed stop! I climbed off the arc-trainer and wiped it down. I staggered out to my car and lean against it in the frigid winter air. I was so hot that the steam coming from my body looked like a volcano venting before erupting and was surely visible from space. When my heart rate, breathing and body temperature returned to normal, I glanced at the windows of the gym. This young woman was once again at full-stride. Nodding in confidence, I grinned and entered my car repeating, chicks dig me. My mom digs me and my daughter digs me as long as I give her everything she wants. My sisters dig me. Working out can be so complicated.
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Present Day
This brings us to present day. It is January 3, 2010, and I have lost a total of 110 pounds. I feel a great deal better. However, the fact remains that I have a great deal of weight to lose. My blood pressure is normal and my blood sugars and cholesterol are normal. I try to workout at least four days per week and do a minimum of 1.5 miles on a Cybex Arc-trainer. My energy level is through the roof and I seem to have a great deal more confidence. Weight loss has also accelerated my hair loss. :( My ex-wife says, new hair grows when one falls out. Okay, but it seems to be growing everywhere but on my head. I mean do I really need hair on and in my ears. WTH? I remember seeing old men and wondering, how did he get hair all around his ears. In addition, I wondered why he did not trim it; can he not see the forest growing around his ears? Therefore, now I know where the ear hair comes from… father time. However, I will trim mine and not allow the forest to flourish. :)
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art."
- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art."
- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
I am a mess!
Eighteen months ago, I found myself in poor health and in a world of negativity. I was weighing in at an enormous 430 pounds and although somewhat healthy for being so heavy, I was showing signs of insulin resistance and higher cholesterol. In addition, I am rapidly approaching middle age and needed a serious change. I examined my life, my feelings, my career/success or lack of it, my ego, my desires, my hopes and dreams. I decided to go on a journey to find myself, my health, and become the man many people in my life thought I would become. I am on a journey for self-discovery and want to become the best person I can. I desire success, positive energy, passion for living, spirituality, good health and the ability to live life to the fullest. This, my first entry is the beginning of documenting my journey and my thoughts of the world I live in. If you are sharing this journey with me I consider you a friend. Friends, the best asset a human can obtain.
"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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