The Eyes of a Child

"My children cause me the most exquisite suffering of which I have any experience. It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged nerves, and blissful gratification and tenderness. Sometimes I seem to myself, in my feelings toward these tiny guiltless beings, a monster of selfishness and intolerance." ---Adrienne Rich

Monday I found myself in a place, I do not enjoy all that much… a Walmart Supercenter. It was a bit crowded and honestly somewhat dirty for only being the noon hour. I was browsing the cereal isle, looking for cereal for the teenagers and seven-year-old that reside in my home. That is where I witnessed something that will be remembered forever. It will not be remembered by me forever, but for one little girl it will forever be etched in her mind. This young woman was about five or six years of age. She was shopping with her little sister that was riding inside the cart. Since her little sister had digs on the seat with a view, she was given the “Big Girl” responsibility of walking the store along side the cart. In addition to the two young girls shopping, the Captain in charge was a lovely young woman with a familiar title we call Mom.

I could hear Mom before I could see her or the two girls. Mom was obviously stressed and in no mood to be meddled with. I could hear her shouting two isles away. The closer she got the more intense the shouting became. Then suddenly they appeared headed down the cereal isle. Wisely, I step aside to allow the ship (cart), her crew and the angry captain clear passage. As they pass, I smile at the young girl walking along side the cart and she returns the smile. Then, the ship suddenly stops and the captain steps over and grabs a bag of cereal. Excitedly, the young girl walks around the cart to see what cereal passed the selection process of the captain. She watches, as do I, as the captain throws the bagged cereal about three-feet into the cart. Then the captain quickly steps back to the helm ready to proceed and takes two quick steps. Suddenly the ship stops immediately as does the captain to avoid a certain collision. If only we as humans could pause at a precise moment, walk away and ponder. Unfortunately, we cannot and usually do not. The collision, narrowly avoided was with this young crewmember, which stepped in front of the ship to return to the side of the ship.

"Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." ---Oscar Wilde

I could see the stress and anger in the captains’ face. Her skin color darkened with redness and her eyes squinting and focused. Staring directly at the young crewmember, her beautiful daughter this captain unloads a verbal lashing that could be heard for many isles. It was filled with angry foul words and insults aimed directly towards this young child. Shouting and nearly spitting as the harsh words exited her mouth. The captain was so angry she could not be stopped and the lashing lasted a good forty-five seconds. When she finished she looked me in the eyes, I was staring her down. Instantly, I could tell she wish she had that forty-five seconds of her life back. I thought that perhaps she would come to her senses. Unfortunately, realizing that I had witnessed the entire event, she must have felt embarrassed as she once again unloaded on the child for causing her to lose her temper. Oddly, she lost her temper, while she shouted at the child for making her lose her temper. Witnessing a second lashing, I looked at the child. The look in this Childs eyes said it all. Heartbroken, fearful, disappointed, saddened, confused, her eyes had many tear-filled emotions. It was a moment that will replay in her mind for the rest of her life upon this beautiful earth. I know this because I lived that exact moment several times in the presence of my father.

We all lose our temper with our children and I am no exception. Aging has wisdom attached with it. It really is too bad that we do not begin parenting at age forty. I look back at how I react with my children now as opposed to just seven to ten years ago and I am wiser and more patient. However, given my experience with my father in those moments when I lost it, I always made it a point to calm down, immediately return, and apologize. I would explain the situation that made me angry. I would hug, kiss and laugh with them and do my very best to replace those feelings of hurt with positive feelings of laughter and love. A few weeks ago, our family was gathered together and the children in our home were talking about angry parents. My stepchildren were telling some harsh stories about moments with their fathers. Then my gorgeous daughter began to speak. She had many stories about her mother’s anger, stepfather’s anger and then my heart sank. She revealed a story of the worst parenting moment of my life. A moment I had forgotten, but a moment that will live in her mind for the rest of her life. Life is precious and children are a great gift and one of the best parts of our earthly experience. Challenging as it may be, I hope I remember this and use patience in difficult times.

"If men do not keep on speaking terms with children, they cease to be men, and become merely machines for eating and for earning money." ---John Updike

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." ---Oscar Wilde

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson