As Quiet as the Night

"The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. And if our words and our actions come from superficial human relations techniques (the Personality Ethic) rather than from our own inner core (the Character Ethic), others will sense that duplicity. We simply won't be able to create and sustain the foundation necessary for effective interdependence." ---Stephen R. Covey

Human relationships are a complex and wonderful experience. There are times when we are so connected to someone that we feel such a magnificent high, we cannot imagine anything better in life. Oddly, there are times with that same person that we could not feel more distant from, as if we were on different planets.

I wonder what takes our relationships with people; spouses, friends, partners into that place that seem to have an odd, foreign feel to it. Best friends, spouses, children, all types of relationships with people we love can quickly become distant. It sneaks up on you, many times without so much as a whisper. It happens as quiet as the night. Suddenly, you awake and wonder what went wrong. Where did that connection go that felt so right?

"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain." ---Leo Buscaglia

In my lifetime, I sadly admit that I have had a few of these relationships drift away. I have had the unpleasant experience of failed friendships, romantic relationships and business partnerships. I hope I have learned from each failure and attempted to become a better person. This evening I was reflecting on many of the amazing people that I have had the opportunity to know and have some type of relationship. Most of these are not romantic relationships, but friendships and partnerships. As I reflected on these past failed relationships, I came to one common element among them all. Every failed relationship in my life comes down to a single problem. It is a breakdown in communication.

Why do we allow communication to break down? What is it that scares us? Why do we allow it to interfere with our precious relationships? We become impatient, hurt, sad, dishonest, angry and harsh. I know when I am not communicating properly I tend to run silent. I clam up and do not speak my mind. This compounds an already sensitive situation as running silent allows things to build up or creates distance.

Many years ago, my older Brother introduced me to a speaker by the name of Leo Buscaglia. He was a very dynamic individual and I enjoyed listening to him. If only we could find the strength to apply the Buscaglia method in all of our relationships, I wonder if any relationship would fail.

In my lifetime, I have learned this simple fact. Relationships with people we love and admire are precious. There is no room for ego, dishonesty or anger. Always use a soft voice, gentle tongue and kind, exploratory conversation in difficult or confusing times. I sincerely hope and pray that I continue to grow and gain more wisdom and courage to show love the Buscaglia way. The time for love, the time for relationships is now. Cherish the people we love, now and forever.

"Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong." ---Leo Buscaglia

"The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships." ---Anthony Robbins

"Dysfunction - The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." ---Larry Kersten