A Christmas to Remember

"A farmer who had a quarrelsome family called his sons and told them to lay a bunch of sticks before him. Then, after laying the sticks parallel to one another and binding them, he challenged his sons, one after one, to pick up the bundle and break it. They all tried, but in vain. Then, untying the bundle, he gave them the sticks to break one by one. This they did with the greatest ease. Then said the father, Thus, my sons, as long as you remain united, you are a match for anything, but differ and separate, and you are undone." ---Aesop Aesop

Today is Christmas day 2010. This day is ownership to a day of firsts. It is my first Christmas as a single man in 23 years. It is my first Christmas as a man of reasonable weight and not sporting a three or four as the first number on the scale. This day is the first Christmas that my beautiful children would experience as children from a broken home or broken family. Well, that is what it says on paper and according to court documents. The world points to my beautiful children and shouts that they are from a broken home. The world decrees that my beautiful children are from a broken family. Not on my watch, not as long as I am their father, not as long as I draw breathe upon this planet.

"In a broken nest there are few whole eggs." ---Chinese Proverbs

Earlier in the year my ex-wife suggested we do “one” Christmas for our children. However, as the days, weeks, months passed it became very clear that was not going to be possible. Of course, it is possible just not very desirable. After all, who wants to celebrate the biggest day of the year with those that have tossed you aside and left you in the rear view mirror? Who wants to celebrate with those that hurt you in the worst imaginable way? The answer to the “who” questions is the very person the day is marked to celebrate his birth.

"A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." ---Proverbs 15:13

If I am to be an example to my children and truly have their best interest at heart, is not my responsibility to place them before myself. Does it do anyone any good to sit in my home and celebrate with my children alone, only to watch them leave to attend another incomplete celebration? Therefore, after speaking with my ex-wife we decided to combine both celebrations and have “one” Christmas as a unified family unit. I can tell you this, for my part, it felt magical. We all laughed, smiled, joked and had a great time. My children were at ease and their smiles huge as they opened gifts. What was shaping up to be a Christmas of broken hearts and dreams, turned out to be a Christmas of mended hearts and new dreams born. A moment of pause for me came when my beautiful, handsome son, when realizing his father had invited his stepfather and seeing him enter the room where the Christmas tree stood with all the gifts; shouted his name and ran and gave him a hug. Just for a brief moment a thought passed through my mind, wait; should not my son hate this man? Of course not and as my son-opened gifts he would show both of his Man-buddies what he got. My boy was having a grand time with both of the men in his world coexisting and spending time together. It pleases me to see my son’s stepfather be so kind and warm to him.



My beautiful daughter had a passion and smile that will not soon be forgot. She was having a great time and having all three parents together and smiling, laughing, joking and enjoying the special day looked to be very healing for my daughter. When the gifts were opened, we convened to the kitchen/dining area where we would feast upon a quiche that I made for us all. Yes, I have a few kitchen skills and real men can eat and cook quiche. Cinnamon rolls followed the quiche. While we ate, we laughed, joked and smiled more. My son turning his nose up at the quiche and refusing to eat it garnered a few comments from the adults in the room. Suddenly, after the comments his stepfather made a comment. Talking to my son, he asks isn’t it tough having three parents? We laughed and I added, one day he may just have four. My son looks at us as we laugh and said not funny guys.





A Christmas to be remembered and one that I hope sets precedent that we can continue for many years to come. Broken family, broken home, broken dreams, broken promises, bleak future, I think not.

"One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world." ---Proverb Jewish Proverbs

"There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child." ---Henry Beecher

What Are You Prepared To Do

"Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us--and those around us -- more effectively. Look for the learning." ---Eric Allenbaugh

If there is something in life, you desire and you desire it with all of your heart, how do we obtain that which we want? The thing you want in your life can be anything and everything. It can be a job, car, house, weight loss, better attitude, a relationship with a person or the Lord, anything your mind decides it desires. In the past year, I have learned more than any other time in my life. It is though the veil has been pulled away from my face and I see clearly. I have learned that the finest things we desire in our lives do not come easy and requires that you go beyond to obtain that which you seek. It requires an extra effort or sacrifice to obtain the most desirable things we seek.

My weight loss for example is driven by my why and the fact that I eat far less than I used to and I choose much better food. The thing about my weight loss is that the more I exercise or the better the food choice the more weight I lose. If I go beyond my average effort, I obtain better results. Now, this applies to about everything we can imagine. Look back on your life at things you have desired or wanted to make part of your life. Did it just come to you freely, did it take great effort, or some sacrifice to make it happen.

In one of my top twenty favorite movies, Kevin Costner and Sean Connery in the Untouchables, Sean Connery asks Costner what are you prepared to do to get Capone. He responds, everything within the law. Sean then says, and then what are you prepared to do? In other words to get one of the biggest crime leaders in the world they would have to go beyond that of the average person and beyond what they imagined. The finest things, the most valuable things, the most precious things, the most desirable things in our lives require efforts beyond average. Many times these things also require sacrifice. Sacrifice is the difficult one to digest. Anyone can give additional effort, but to give up something to achieve or obtain something else is daunting.

Is it possible to go beyond and obtain that which you so desire and retain that which you have? I have no idea and currently I am researching it greatly. Typically, when you want something or desire something, you usually have to give something up to achieve or obtain it. If you want to read a book, you have to watch less television. If you want to lose weight, you have to give up donuts, pastries, etc. If you want a new car, you have to give up the extra spending money. If you want a new job or career, you have to give up the old one. If you want to strengthen your relationship with the Lord, you have to give up sin. If you want to find and develop new love, you have to let go of old love and hurt. If you want to reside in a new location, you have to move away from your current location.

"Choosing goals that are important to you is one of the most essential things you can do in order to live your dreams." ---Les Brown

I guess this leads me to the end question. How does one live the life they desire without leaving behind the life they have? What If you desire a new life and surroundings, but do not want to leave all you have behind? What if you love to sail the oceans, but like having access to the shore and land. What if you find something so amazing and wonderful you have to be part of it, but many things you already posses are wonderful and amazing. Is it possible to go to a new career, new residence, new surroundings, and new positive, enthusiastic, inspiring, empowering support group of people around you and retain that which you love in your current life? If you have an answer to this question please comment. Is it possible to have the best of both worlds… new and old?

"We're worn into grooves by Time by our habits. In the end, these grooves are going to show whether we've been second rate or champions, each in his way in dispatching the affairs of every day. By choosing our habits, we determine the grooves into which Time will wear us; and these are grooves that enrich our lives and make for ease of mind, peace, happiness achievement." ---Frank B. Gilberth

"The thing that counts most in the pursuit of happiness is choosing the right companion." ---Source Unknown

"This one step -- choosing a goal and sticking to it -- changes everything." ---Scott Reed

Hallelujah

"Patience and perseverance have a magical affect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." ---John Quincy Adams

Our lives are filled with challenges, trials, difficulties, disasters, and the occasional crisis. It is these experiences and the way we react or our actions that define us. Heartbreak, sorrow and sadness without them we would not know joy, love, happiness and optimism. The thing about the difficult times is that in time and with patience, they always turn back to the good and happy times. When we are experiencing these difficult times, it seems like we will never climb out. Then one day something happens or someone comes along and it raises you. It raises you from the ashes of despair that were once glorious moments.

I am grateful for my trials and difficulties as they have educated me and allowed me to peak inside myself and find what I am truly capable of overcoming. Today a woman asked me how I lost so much weight. She continued with the occasional tear that she has been on a yo-yo type of weight loss cycle for 20 years and is now the heaviest ever. She was firm in her request of my secret. I looked at her and said, I know your tears. My secret is this, live one day at a time. Have more good days than bad days and walk. Again, she asked for my secret weight loss program. Again, I repeated; live one day at a time and walk. She said, no what did you do to lose all that weight I want to know your secret. I said I just told you my secret. I added, develop a strong why for why you want to lose weight. Then simply live one day at a time and make sure you have more good days than bad days. Exercise and drink plenty of fluids and in time we reverse the damage we did. It really is that simple. The mental part is where we have the difficulty. The most important thing to remember regardless of our trials and difficulties is to do your best. Do your best, love yourself and let your light shine.

Lyrics:
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

"Let this be understood, then, at starting; that the patient conquest of difficulties which rise in the regular and legitimate channels of business and enterprise is not only essential in securing the success which you seek but it is essential to that preparation of your mind, requisite for the enjoyment of your successes, and for retaining them when gained. So, day by day, and week by week; so month after month, and year after year, work on, and in that process gain strength and symmetry, and nerve and knowledge, that when success, patiently and bravely worked for, shall come, it may find you prepared to receive it and keep it." ---Josiah Gilbert Holland

"Difficult times always create opportunities for you to experience more love in your life." ---Barbara de Angelis

Christmas Shopping Experience

"The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has" ---Alan Ashley-Pitt

I think it has been ten years since I went Christmas shopping. Sure, I ran shopping errands here and there to a store to get something, but have not gone to multiple stores in one single outing for a long time. I had an unusual experience out there, nothing really happened to me, however; I observed a great deal going on. My first stop was the post office. Important safety tip here; avoid the US Post Office the second to last Saturday before Christmas. It was nasty in there and the line stretched way out the door. All I wanted to do was purchase postage for a Priority Mail envelope and even the postage ATM had a long line. I patiently waited and got my business done and then walked out to my car. Once outside I witnessed two vehicles racing for one open spot and they collided. The occupants jumped out and started yelling at each other and others called the police before it escalated.

The next mission took me to a Walmart Supercenter in my town. I pulled into the parking lot and wondered aloud if the entire city was here. This place was packed and once inside it was obviously filled with impatient and frantic shoppers. Vintage Walmart, they had thousands of customers and six registers open and long lines. Yuck, and I bailed out on that scene rather quickly.

Off to a local bookstore to get a young man and myself a book. I could not find this book so I asked a young woman if they had this book. She looked at me and said, how would I know. She was standing at the computer where they look such things up. Perhaps the computer was non-operational I thought to myself. I finally found a young man that was stocking shelves, he guided me to the book, and it was available on cd, read by the author. I grabbed two of the books on compact disc to load onto my I-pod Touch. I highly recommend this book to any man or young man. Although it is based on my religious beliefs, it has excellent information on becoming a man that makes a positive, inspirational impact on the world. The title is Men of Valor by Robert J. Millet, I have listened to the majority of this book on my I-pod Touch already, and I found many great things of value there. One chapter speaks of how a man overcame his trials and how he dealt with them. While the individual portrayed in the book is of far greater character, I found that he and I have traveled parallel roads. We have dealt with our difficulties and trials in a very similar method. I wish I would have known of this book long ago and not traveled the road of trial and error so frequently.

However, my Christmas shopping adventure continues. My next stop was a convenience store to get a forbidden treat. Okay, it is not really forbidden, however; I am sure it is not good for me. I have broken this habit many times in my life, only to return and as I indulged, found a smile on my face. This habit is my beloved Coke Zero. As I walked into the convenience store, I noticed a woman approaching the door from inside with her hands full. I opened the door and waited for her to pass through to the outside. As she passed, she smiled and said thank you. I started to go inside when this woman turns around and slightly shouts out to me. She says do you know you are the first person to hold a door open for me in at least five years. I gave that some thought, we are in such a hurry-up world. I see people go in and out of convenience stores all the time and they never look behind them or pause for a second to hold the door for others. Such a simple thing to do and I have found an excellent way to see someone smile.

My shopping experience would end parked outside a Bed Bath and Beyond. I sat outside in my car looking at the store. It is, as I feared a place where no single men were shopping. A wife, girlfriend or family accompanied the men that were going in and coming out. I thought this does not look comfortable as a single man to go shopping in this store. I needed a gift from this store and I had a coupon. Now, as single income home, one does not so easily discard coupons. Prepare for battle I thought as I climbed out of my car. I stood took a deep breath of that famous winter inversion, smog filled air. I looked ahead at the entrance, pulled my shoulders back, chest out, and chin up. I vaulted for the door and as I entered, I was shocked to be very pleasantly surprised the entire store had a very nice citrus smell to it. As I browsed the store with an intimidated feeling, I suddenly realized this store was filled with gorgeous women Christmas shopping. Many of these lovely women were not wearing wedding bands. Instantly the intimidated feeling of being in a woman’s world was replaced with the feeling of shopping for a date. Then my thoughts turned to other stores. My goodness I have stumbled onto a secret hidden from men for years. These female oriented stores are filled with, well, females. I thought of other stores I could visit to browse the women of the world. Briefly, I entertained the thought of Victoria’s Secret. Hey, I am man and I follow my shallow thoughts on their field trips frequently. Then common sense kicked in and I realized hanging out and browsing a woman’s under garment and lingerie store could be a little over the top. Thank goodness, I came out of shallow and back to the confused state of mind, I reside.

I ended my shopping experience there and decided to stop for the day. I learned a great deal during my shopping experience. The post office is a demolition derby and they need additional help and perhaps some Kiosks to handle the crowd. Walmart should be quarantined and the doors locked for good. Bookstore clerks have issues. Convenience stores are a good place to get dental work realigned when the door smacks you in the face. There are many great places in my city to go flirt, smile and browse the beautiful women of this world all while doing a little shopping. However, my most valuable experience on this day was the realization of one single thought. Online shopping is awesome!

"Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously." ---Og Mandino

"The aim of life is some way of living, as flexible and gentle as human nature; so that ambition may stoop to kindness, and philosophy to condor and humor. Neither prosperity nor empire nor heaven can be worth winning at the price of a virulent temper, bloody hands, an anguished spirit, and a vain hatred of the rest of the world." ---George Santayana

Certainly Uncertain

"The remarkable thing is that it is the crowded life that is most easily remembered. A life full of turns, achievements, disappointments, surprises, and crises is a life full of landmarks. The empty life has even its few details blurred, and cannot be remembered with certainty." ---Eric Hoffer

Life’s journey and building a life by design has many twists and turns. I know where I am headed and what must be done to get there. In addition, I was about to seriously stomp on the accelerator and travel down the road full speed ahead. Then life does something that makes you slam on the brakes and come to a complete stop, if just for a moment. That moment happened for me this past week. Building my life by design from the ground up, leaving the negative behind and replacing it with positive and amazing is challenging at times. In addition, sometimes people in your life, the amazing, positive people you desire to have as part of your designed life; do things that make you see a clear picture that perhaps they do not want to be part of your designed life. I have concluded that not everyone wants to be part of my designed life and that is great. I admire their positive energy; I will include them in my life at whatever level they will tolerate.

Last week I had everything mapped out and then I had a semi unpleasant experience in which I came to the realization that the path I was headed down, did not necessarily want me to come speeding down their street. Then as if by fate and still speeding in that truck of life down the road. Something happened that made me slam on the brakes. I experience an encounter of the most unexpected type. I reasoned my truck is full and I have my plan mapped out. However, I believe that the Lord does have a plan for each of us and although he wants us to discover and work for it; every now and then he hits you in the head to stop you and make you look around. Well, look I have and I like what I see, but it is complicated beyond anything I have encountered. Stopped, standing in the middle of the street and looking with amazement; I wonder aloud the possibilities. Why would I feel this, why would I have everything mapped out so thoroughly only to have this cross my path. Is it possible that I have no idea what I want or desire in my designed life. Then again I wonder, perhaps this is the Lord knocking me back to that fork in the road, giving me the chance to take the correct road. Once again, I realize that without the Lord’s guidance it is impossible for me to build the proper, quality-laden life of design. However, I have decided to pull the truck over out of harms way. I will look, explore and pray about why my intended path is being challenged. Why has a wonderful feeling and experience caused me to slam on the brakes. Building a life by design requires thought and at times slowing down. Making sure, you do not leave behind that which truly will empower you and make you the best person you can be and accomplish all that is possible.

I will continue with my weight loss journey and aim to hit my end goal in late January or early February. Phase 2 will be slowed and as I work on it, I will continue to explore the reason I slammed on the brakes. It feels right, special, amazing and worth exploring. A life by design, instead of default is definitely worth stopping to smell the flowers and examine the beautiful garden. After all, if it is not exactly what I thought it would be, I can always hop back in the truck and slam on the accelerator. However, take time to smell the flowers and visually absorb the garden. Do not be in such a rush that you miss the most amazing things that will enhance your life and the life of those around you.

"If we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts; but if we begin with doubts, and are patient in them, we shall end in certainties." ---Francis Bacon

"It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull." ---H. L. Mencken

"The one unchangeable certainty is that nothing is unchangeable or certain." ---John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Exercise and Optimism

"Be an optimist -- at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral." ---Source Unknown

I have come to the realization that my optimism, confidence and enthusiasm are linked to my exercise. It seems they are attached together. Recently, I suffered a pulled calf muscle and it would not heal. I took two weeks off my exercise routing to allow it to heal. I experienced a myriad of emotions during those two weeks. My stress levels increased and my smiles decreased. I am so excited that exercise is something that I now crave. Wait a minute; did I just say I crave exercise? My heavens how far the man that could not walk up the stairs of a movie theater without stopping for rest has come. This morning I did a small workout on my treadmill and while the calf muscle is tender it held up and the three miles was a bit tiring. I have taken two weeks off and it was somewhat hard to get back into it. However, as the day progressed; I had increased energy, stress levels decreased, and my optimism increased. It felt so good I am going to head down to the treadmill once again this evening for a second round. I hope that the calf muscle will hold up.

I remember as if it was yesterday those first steps at Snap Fitness on the treadmill. I started and I could not catch my breath, my legs were burning and hurting and I looked at the timer. I had been walking for a total of two-minutes and twenty seconds. I had to stop because my head was pounding, my breathing labored and my legs in pain and near collapse. Two-minutes and twenty seconds that were filled with pain and would begin a journey that would change my life forever. I must admit, I did not want to return to Snap Fitness. The next day I was sore and I sat in my car outside Snap Fitness. I dreaded going in to relive the pain and suffering. Quickly I made a mental list of pros and cons. It was a decisive moment for me and for the rest of my life. I am grateful that the list of pros won over my mind and I slowly climbed out of my car and limped into the center.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." ---Lao-tzu

In the future, I look forward to one day finding a companion that will walk this journey with me. Side by side, we will workout together building a wonderful, physical and mental relationship. Exercise clears the mind, energizes and builds confidence. In addition, it builds strength and when we are physically strong, we are strong in many other areas of our life. I admit I am jealous of those couples I see working out together. They seem to have a very close relationship.

I am so grateful that the Lord blessed me with the strength to get out of the car for that second day. Four-hundred-thirty-two pounds, two-minutes, and twenty seconds went to battle. I am so grateful that the two-minutes, twenty seconds won the day. Since that fateful day, I have done as much as thirteen miles in a single walking/jogging session.

Exercise is the key to a vibrant, healthy and passionate life. It really does build confidence and energize you for the rest of the day. I look forward to exercising for the rest of my life.

"Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger." ---Christian D. Larsen

"Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence and nothing too much." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson