It has been a roller-coaster ride for the last two years. It is difficult to admit that you failed at something, especially something as important as a marriage. However, one must keep this in perspective. We are alive, we still like each other, we have two beautiful children, our extended families still like us both, we are closer to the Lord and the sun rose and settled today. In fact, it was a beautiful day. I really believe this is a good and positive thing.
On a more positive side, I had a strange but fun event happen at the convenience store a couple of hours ago. When you are 432 pounds you are used to being ignored or stared at, but when it comes to special attention, you basically are ignored. I stopped to get a Coke Zero and as I was walking towards the door to leave the convenience store, I glanced up and noticed a very attractive woman about 35 coming into the store. She entered and took approximately seven or eight steps into the store and we were in direct approach of each other, headed for a collision. Suddenly, she looks up and looks me right in the eyes. Now, for the past 22 1/2 years I have avoided eye contact with women like it was the plague. This time however, I looked back and something really weird happened. This woman smiled and turned around and walked back to the door and opened it for me. She looked me in the eyes again and said I come here all the time, have a great night. HUH?
Either I looked pathetically sad, disabled or she was intoxicated. Nevertheless, I smiled and said, then I'll see you later. HUH? Did I just flirt? I think the Lord had something to do with this for my morale, or perhaps a family member paid her to do this. No matter, I just laughed all the way home and realized that my troubles are minimal to what many people are experiencing right now. I know a few people that are suffering the excruciating pain of watching their child fight for their life with cancer. Now, that is a life-altering and painful experience.
Borrowing from my friend Wendy again:
"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present." ---Bil Keane
"We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act." ---Swami Vivekananda
Once again your attitude is amazing. I'm sorry that things have turned this way for your family. Good for you both for working so hard to keep things civil for your kids sake. I think you should both get extra points somewhere for that.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck as you progress through all that comes next. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care Todd-
Wendy :)
Thanks Wendy. Can use all the prayers I can get!
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm so sad about this - and I don't even know you. But know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife - and especially the kids.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for keeping your eye on the goal and not letting this throw you an excuse to indulge... the lifestyle change is truly there - not just the "diet" for the past two years.
More thoughts to come - I think...
Helen
Helen,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers. It is heartbreaking, but necessary. However, I honestly believe that the future is so bright I gotta' wear shades!