Dog Days of Summer... Seriously!

Okay, time to rant! I am out on my walk/jog/climb... OKAY, it's more of a walk/faster walk/stumble type of thing. Anyways, I am on my favorite trail that heads up to the mountains and I am making good time. Look at me world, I am cruising right along on this 3-mile, beautiful paved trail. Then all of the sudden my heart starts beating extremely fast and I feel fear. Why you ask? Because it is 6:00am and not a person in sight and I hear this low growling and heavy breathing.

My deepest fears were realized it was this huge, obese, Rottweiler. Now, when I was younger I was attacked by a Rottweiler or Rottenweiler as I call them! First, who has a Rottenweiler and does not make sure they are chained like Godzilla or King Kong? Why has this obese Rottenweiler suddenly entered my world? I thought if I just slowly, quietly tip-toe away the stupid Rottenweiler will lose interest. Perfect plan right? Nope! Suddenly, the thing started barking and running straight at me. Man that thing was bouncing all over, it definitely needed a doggy bra and girdle or something. But I digress. This enormous, eating and killing animal was in full sprint headed towards me to chew off my butt.

I immediately get it on and start moving. I head straight eastward towards the mountains. I looked high into the mountains and wondered if some bird watcher was up there looking through his scope at the scene below and wondering to himself... wow, that guy running could really use a man-bra and a girdle. Oh yeah, come down off that mountain and say that to my face, you silly little bird-man! Again, I digress. So, I am in full sprint and armed with the knowledge that I can keep this full-sprint pace for a very long 15 or 20 seconds. Dang, I am going to be Rottenweiler breakfast. Then it came, the dreaded hill. I did my best and I was really moving up that hill like the red-goo rising in a Lava Lamp. Suddenly, as I neared the top of the hill I heard the Rottenweiler no more. I stopped and looked back, the Rottenweiler was exhausted. Actually, it looked like it needed a medical helicopter. It was panting so hard and looking at me with anger. So, I shouted some Rocky style slurs... You ain't so bad! You ain't nothin'!

It barked and continued the pursuit. Crap, more sprinting uphill. As I continued my sprint for preservation of life, suddenly the theme song for Chariots of Fire came into my head. Theme song blasting and two male creatures locked in a battle for survival. The dog wiggling and jiggling like Jello, me jiggling and wiggling like a large ball of flubber. I mean, me bouncing with massive pecs and my sexy taut six-pack. It was a race for the survival of the fattest, I mean fittest! Finally, at the top of the hill I looked back and the Rottenweiler was once again exhausted and turned back. Then suddenly the theme from Rocky came into my head and I started the Rocky dance, jumping etc. It was going great until an older couple walked by looking at me like I was on drugs.


"It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." ---Epictetus

"Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness." ---Napoleon Hill