“Every person is responsible for his own looks after 40.” ---Abraham Lincoln
I continue to work on my program and myself. Since my break or timeout, I have lost nearly five pounds. I actually lost two-tenths of a pound on my escape to Las Vegas and the Mountains. Many people have made comments about how good I look or how well I am doing. The positive attention is nice and good for the ego and self-confidence. However, when I look in the mirror or see my reflection in glass as I approach a door, I am shocked. Literally, after losing more than 140 pounds with a mere 60 to go to goal or 85 to being the thinnest adult I have ever been… I am still in mirror shock!
The reflection does not lie. I am fat, just not as fat as I was. In the obesity scale, I have no idea where I currently reside; I do not have the heart to see that I still reside in morbidly obese territory. The weight I have lost has achieved one thing; I now look into mirrors that show more than my face. I learned long ago, to avoid becoming depressed that I needed to limit my mirror viewing to neck-up! Heck, most days I did not even know if my clothes matched. When you are more than 200-pounds over-weight, you hate mirrors and reflections.
Last week I was doing great and having a very good week. Rejuvenated from my trip and doing well on my program; I had received positive feedback from many people. Then, on Thursday, I am at the gas station filling my car’s tank. Suddenly, I watched a person walk into the convenience store and when the smoked glass door closed, I saw it. My entire reflection was looking right back at me. I became frozen with thoughts of shock. The entire week of feeling great was gone in one second of reflection reality. I am a fat person… still! Made me want to curse and throw something at the stupid door. Will I ever feel great about myself? Will I ever look at my body reflection and like what I see? Will I ever develop the confidence I need to continue my journey beyond weight loss? Will there ever come a day when I look into a mirror, glass door or a photograph of myself and not see a huge fat person?
Oddly, when I am in public I do not receive the glares and stares I used to get. According to the CDC 65% of adults in our nation are overweight and 31% are considered obese, which is 30 pounds or more over their healthy weight. I guess in the public’s eyes I am looking like the 31%, but in my eyes, I look like the 432-pound person I once was. I guess this all means one thing. I have more work to do on my body and my mind.
I hold faith and hope that I will arrive at the day when the man in the mirror meets the man in the room’s satisfaction. That one day the man in the room will love the man in the mirror.
"The best mirror is an old friend." ---Proverbs
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