Rejuvenated!

Sometimes it takes a vacation or time away to realize what you have been missing. I learned something very valuable during my time away. I really did not set out to learn anything, actually the opposite. I left to get away from everything and reconnect with my children and myself. Relax, recharge and rejuvenate was the mission. However, I learned a very valuable lesson on love. More specifically, I learned why relationships drift apart.

It really does come down to a verb.

Verb:
A: The part of speech that expresses existence, action, or occurrence in most languages.

I heard a talk where a person said they no longer loved their spouse. They added that they have lost the feeling of love for their spouse. The response was interesting and it was from Stephen Covey. He said that marriage love is a verb. The feeling of love is derived from the verb love. A verb is action oriented. Love is a verb and is action oriented, then developing and maintaining the feeling of love is done through action or service. He asked the person, have you done anything wonderful for your spouse lately? Have you serviced your spouse lately? He added, if you lose yourself in service to your spouse the feeling of love has only one direction and that is growth. The feeling of love will grow for your spouse when they see and receive the wonderful service you give. This acknowledgment of service usually will result in a loving response of affection and returned service. He concluded that losing one’s self in loving service to a spouse would result in a strong relationship of selfless love. We cherish and appreciate what we work hard to obtain. Working hard to serve your spouse will strengthen your bond and relationship.

I had the opportunity to listen to a man that was married for 75 years explain his success for marriage. He said, every night without missing a single night I simply told my wife, “Good night beautiful, I love you.” Even if she had me red-hot angry, I still spoke those words before I would drift off to sleep. It had a double effect on our relationship. It made her realize that I indeed loved her and I thought she was beautiful, even if she doubted her own beauty. In addition, it had a reaffirmation effect on me. It reaffirmed that I do love her and think that she is beautiful. On nights where we went to bed angry and I spoke those words, sometimes I heard no response. I did not over-react and just drifted off to sleep after speaking those words. The next day when we would speak for the first time she usually would be far more receptive and occasionally apologize, even if she had done nothing for apologizing. Those six simple words kept our marriage strong and difficult times from becoming more intensified. In tempting times of possible infidelity, those six words would always come to my mind. I realized that no lustful encounter would ever be as fulfilling as the relationship of my beautiful wife and children.


"It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving." ---Mother Teresa


"Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting." ---Mother Theresa