They Categorized Me!

On my most recent trip to my doctor, I learned something. Apparently, being overweight is not enough they actually have categorized me. I went to the doctor to get my sore throat with no other symptoms checked out after it lasted for eight days. In the process, the nurse weighed me and took all the vitals, etc. When the doctor started his exam, he read my file and looked at it very closely. He stuck out his hand and said congratulations. I asked why he was congratulating me. He informed me that I was now morbidly obese. I asked this is reason for congratulations. He assured me it was because I dropped one obese category, from super morbidly obese to morbidly obese. First, please excuse me doctor if I do not break out the party favors and the sugar free sparkling cider. Second, who decided to categorize overweight people into different classifications? Would an overweight person do this? I think not. However, maybe an overweight person did think of this. Maybe it makes some people feel better to look at someone and say, oh he is super morbidly obese and much larger than I am. As for me, I simply say overweight is overweight. Everyone knows the last twenty pounds are the most difficult to lose.

I have decided to start categorizing thin people. I will now refer to thin people as thin, wafer thin, anorectic thin, anemia thin, serious sick thin, stay out of the wind thin, and the final category is skeletal thin. My problem with this is wondering if it is better to drop in the thin categories as it is in the obese categories. Is it better to be wafer thin than thin? Will doctors congratulate patients when they drop from thin to anorectic thin?

Perhaps I should just be happy that I did not go higher on the scale than super morbidly obese. I have found no reference to any higher categories so I will have to name them right now. Above super morbidly obese will be massively morbidly obese. The final category should be, “I thought they were extinct obese.” I guess I should use the politically correct term, “Jurassic Obese.” Unfortunately, even if the stars, planets, American Idols and Osmond family members align themselves and I get to my goal, I will just enter a new category. Women have an advantage if they reach their goal. You see, my weight loss has accelerated my hair loss. Therefore, I will find myself in the bald or hair challenged category. I am growing tired of the planet thinking I am a Bull, Heifer, Cow, Buffalo or any other animal that needs branding.

I accepted the doctor’s congratulatory remarks and listened closely to his advice. His remarkable education, training and twenty years of experience all have molded him into the finest of physicians. He looks me in the eyes and says, “It really comes down to eating fewer calories than you burn.” You think. He added your sore throat is just a virus hanging around. Just keep doing what you are doing. That will be a $20.00 co pay and we will bill your insurance $150.00.

My world is expanding as my butt is shrinking! ---Author Unknown

PS. I quit soda for the tenth time in my life. I would guess 100 pounds of me is from regular soda. I switched to diet soda about ten years ago. I almost quit a year ago and then I discovered Coke Zero. I love the burn of the carbonation and the way even zero-calorie Coke Zero satisfies my sweet tooth cravings. I know that so many ingredients in soda are bad for the body. The sodium is negligible as I monitor my total daily intake, including that in soda. I take No-Doz in the morning so I do not get the headaches of withdrawal. I will start breaking the tablets into smaller pieces as time goes on so I can be free of caffeine as well. One goal at a time.