Harry Potter and the Healing Powers

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." ---Tori Amos

Many days in a person’s life tend to stand out above the average day. I know I have several days that are special to me. Saturday November 20, 2010 is a day that I hope will be just such a day for my beautiful children and myself. On this day, I took my beautiful children to the newest installment of the Harry Potter franchise and I invited my ex-wife and her new husband to attend. We attended this movie as a family of “one”. Recent events in my beautiful daughter’s life have taught this man that there are far more important things in life than my own feelings or hurt feelings. Counselors have explained to me that if it is possible to move forward as a unified family unit, that the impact of divorce and split homes, lives, friends and activities have a far less impact on our children.

However, let us be honest; it is difficult to achieve this after a divorce. In a divorce, even one with no fighting or arguing such as ours, it still does not end with inspiration and original love intact. When one party chooses to move on, while the other wishes to keep the family in tact and do what ever is necessary to repair the relationship; it can be stressful for everyone. Regardless of what has happened in a long relationship, I believe that two people should do everything possible to work things out, especially when children are involved. I do not judge my ex-wife, her husband nor do I hold any grudge for their actions that led to the collapse of our marriage. It happens and the person that says it could never happen to them simply has not been tempted in the most seductive ways. I would like to think that my integrity is such that I would never compromise my integrity or myself. However, I can only think that as I have never been married and been tempted by infidelity. Mostly, because I never got close to other women during my marriage, I always kept a distance.

My marriage was nowhere near perfect and we should have been in counseling years earlier. There were outside influences of the worst type and it made loving each other the way we desired nearly impossible. However, we had and continue to have a deep friendship for each other, although it is strained at this point. We produced two of the most amazing, beautiful children you can imagine. A dear friend from Florida asked me if I had any good times in my lengthy marriage. At the time, I could not think of one event or moment that was enjoyable. However, that was from a man that was once again running through the thoughts of divorce, not the marriage. Hearing the woman you dedicated your life to, envisioned growing old with say she had a new best friend and lover, and it is not you; can leave a lasting impression. There were many great times in our marriage and I remember her innocence with great joy. My ex-wife, the mother of my children, is a beautiful woman and an incredible human. I believe she made an incorrect decision, but she did what she felt was best for her. Sadly, I hoped she would make the decision that was best for our family.

When the events of two weeks ago came to my attention, that my beautiful daughter was suffering a great loss, I realized that these events had a major impact on more than just the married couple’s life. My daughter was suffering her parents’ failure. I knew that she was angry, hurt, felt betrayed and even resentful as she feels she is being replaced by the upcoming birth of her mother’s third child, this one with her new husband. These are all valid feelings and one that needs professional assistance. I immediately arranged for this professional help. Then as any parent would do, at least I hope they would. I placed my own feelings, hurt aside, and moved my own healing onto the fast track. This young woman is at an impressionable age and now is the time to save her from horrible decisions of her own. I asked her counselor if it would help if her parents were operating as a single unit, including the new stepfather. The answer was as I thought that it has a far less impact and speeds healing if both homes and occupants were harmonious with one another. A very huge task indeed lay before me. Accept the new marriage, let go of the hurt, pain and humiliation and move forward with love and acceptance.

I have always tried to teach my children that the best and most successful way to live life is with the philosophy of FFE. FFE is an acronym for Forgive, Forget, Embrace. I asked myself if I was practicing what I teach. I was not living the philosophy and was allowing my own hurt to keep a distance from the married couple. However, I knew in time that I would not stay in this state long term. My daughter’s fragile condition made me realize that I could not afford to remain hurt or distant. It was up to me to bring this family together, whether the newly married couple was ready for it or not. Therefore, the invite was sent to my ex-wife. I did not hear back, so I sent the invite once again. This time the invite was accepted and history for this family was about to be made. That history took place On November 20, 2010 at the Megaplex Theater at the Gateway in Salt Lake City, Utah. It is the first of hopefully many steps towards reconciliation and a new friendship. The smiles on my children’s faces said it all. In fact, I could see the healing right before my eyes. I could feel my daughter’s tension ease and her gentleness and smile return. She has a long way to go and many feelings and issues to resolve, but on this day, she began her healing. Her parents were at peace, even though we were not at war before this day, we certainly were not at peace. Forgive, Forget, Embrace, difficult to do at times, but infinitely rewarding for yourself and all those around you.

"When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing." ---Rabindranath Tagore

"The only work that will ultimately bring any good to any of us is the work of contributing to the healing of the world." ---Marianne Williamson

Introducing the Hurley/Roberts Family (Not Pictured Baby Roberts Under Construction)