Recommit

"The achievement of your goal is assured the moment you commit yourself to it." ---Mack R. Douglas

I have taken the past week and lived a near normal life in terms of food and beverage. Unfortunately, I have not been able to work out as I am nursing a pulled calf muscle. I have done light walking on the treadmill but have had to limit my walking and stretching to allow this little annoyance to heal. During the week, my food choices were good, but I did indulge in some bad choices. I had a few desserts, okay… several pieces of Thanksgiving pie over the past few days, a little pizza, chicken sandwich from Wendy’s and the mother of all bad foods… Movie Theater Popcorn. The saltiness of these foods has me holding a whopping ten pounds of fluid. I know this because of the finger-ring test. Although, I no longer possess a wedding band to test this theory, I do have the vein marker. Just a week ago the veins in the top of my hand and forearm were very pronounced and visible. Today they are somewhat sunken and not so visible. My hands and feet seem to be slightly swollen and it is the salt and retention of water that does this.

I am on vacation for the next nine days and shall once again recommit to my program. I will make a disciplined and conscious effort for no bad food choices for the next two weeks. I aim to lose the ten pounds of fluid retention and lose at least four more pounds before I board an airplane and head to warm climate. I shall board an airplane in frozen Salt Lake City and on December 14th, I will fly South East and land in the beautiful state of Florida. I will spend a few days warming up and getting to know a friend I find very inspiring. It should be the perfect, relaxing, warm environment to unwind and smile. Then I will return to Utah for Christmas with my beautiful children and celebrate with family.

The next three to six months of my life are extremely important. It is within these next three to six months that I begin to lay the foundation for the rest of my life. It is within these three to six months that my journey begins to take on phase two. In the next three or four months, I should be at or very near my weight loss goals and then we transition into a lifetime maintenance program. I am excited and optimistic for the next three to six months. I see great challenges and additional trials already stacking up, but these will define my legacy and me. It is within these additional challenges that I see and know are coming that will prove or disprove if I am emotionally ready for the journey. My choices over the months to come will hopefully determine a life filled with passion, love of life, financial security, amazing relationships, inspiration and compassion. I told a friend today that in order to live the life we desire, we must clean up the life we made. I choose to do it with kindness, calmness, patience, understanding and compassion.

Once again, I stand in a position of redefining my why. My why is what propels me to do the difficult. My why has to be constantly adapting to remain strong and powerful. As we progress and reach mini goals, we must change our why to propel or push us to reach new goals. Losing 200 pounds requires that your why changes frequently to create urgency and powerful visions. The past week of backing off my program and exercise was enjoyable, however; I realize that if we are not constantly moving forward, we begin falling backward. I lived the past, it was not what I thought it was going to be. Now, it is time to keep moving forward and design, plan and create the present and future. Keep moving forward with ever changing goals and the why to propel you to those goals. Be mindful of the past, live by design in the present; enjoy the life you design in the future.

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ---Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"A person with half volition goes backwards and forwards, but makes no progress on even the smoothest of roads." ---Thomas Carlyle

"All great masters are chiefly distinguished by the power of adding a second, a third, and perhaps a fourth step in a continuous line. Many a man had taken the first step. With every additional step you enhance immensely the value of your first." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanksgiving

"Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character." ---Author Unknown, from Be Thankful

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ---Albert Schweitzer

I wanted to take this opportunity to list just a few things I am extremely grateful for in my life. It has been an eventful year, one filled with great joy, terrific triumphs, amazing encounters and even excruciating trials. Sitting here at my computer, looking back on the entire year, even my life thus far, I have a smile ear to ear. I am a blessed man and have so much to be grateful for in my life.

I am grateful that I continued my journey and that I lost an amazing 110 pounds this year alone. This brings the weight loss total to this date at 202 pounds and the journey continues. I feel younger; have not been this healthy since I was twenty years old. I like myself in the mirror again and continue to like myself more every day. I am thankful that through my trials and my successes that I stayed the course and I righted the ship after each deviation from the journey. I am so thankful that people all around me have supported me and encouraged me.

"There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else. I don't care how great, how famous or successful a man or woman may be, each hungers for applause." ---George M. Adams

I am thankful for my family. If you ever want to know what family means to you, just put yourself into a crisis. Honestly, without family involvement I am not so sure I could have survived the devastating trials I experienced this year. I am so grateful for my children and the love and joy they add to my life. I am thankful for my friends, all of them. Many of my friends stepped up, made life easier and tolerable during my trials, and assisted me in continuing my journey. I am very thankful for my neighbors, church members, extended family, and friends for reaching out and in some way touching my life in a positive manner. I want to name every one of you individually, but this entry would be many, many pages long. With friends like Shanna, Jenny, Brady, Helen, Wendy (Both of you), Kristen, Greg, Rene, Julie, Uarda, Marni, Alan, Troy, Scott (SRP), Max, Anthony, and the beautiful, inspiring Monique, I was certain that the Lord sent me an all-star team of angels. So many more played such a huge role in my survival and empowered me to become a better man. I am eternally grateful to you all.

"The best advisers, helpers and friends, always are not those who tell us how to act in special cases, but who give us, out of themselves, the ardent spirit and desire to act right, and leave us then, even through many blunders, to find out what our own form of right action is." ---Phillips Brooks

I am very thankful for the amazing life I have had and for a kind and generous Heavenly Father. I am thankful that I continue to push forward and continue the journey. I am thankful that I have experienced the trials I have had in my life. These trials have made me a better Man, Son of God, Father, Neighbor, Co-Worker, Employee, Friend, and one day a better Husband for a beautiful, brilliant woman walking this earth somewhere. I am grateful that my passions and desires stay intact and I look toward the future with great optimism and excitement. I am thankful that this year I kept my integrity and honesty in tact. I am thankful that the Lord found me and in doing so, I found him.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I am extremely thankful that I have the ability to Laugh, Love, Live. I am thankful that I continue to learn and grow daily and continue the journey to… Live It By Design.

"So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good." ---Helen Keller

"Give us grace and strength to forbear and to persevere. Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind, spare to us our friends, soften to us our enemies." ---Robert Louis Stevenson

Harry Potter and the Healing Powers

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." ---Tori Amos

Many days in a person’s life tend to stand out above the average day. I know I have several days that are special to me. Saturday November 20, 2010 is a day that I hope will be just such a day for my beautiful children and myself. On this day, I took my beautiful children to the newest installment of the Harry Potter franchise and I invited my ex-wife and her new husband to attend. We attended this movie as a family of “one”. Recent events in my beautiful daughter’s life have taught this man that there are far more important things in life than my own feelings or hurt feelings. Counselors have explained to me that if it is possible to move forward as a unified family unit, that the impact of divorce and split homes, lives, friends and activities have a far less impact on our children.

However, let us be honest; it is difficult to achieve this after a divorce. In a divorce, even one with no fighting or arguing such as ours, it still does not end with inspiration and original love intact. When one party chooses to move on, while the other wishes to keep the family in tact and do what ever is necessary to repair the relationship; it can be stressful for everyone. Regardless of what has happened in a long relationship, I believe that two people should do everything possible to work things out, especially when children are involved. I do not judge my ex-wife, her husband nor do I hold any grudge for their actions that led to the collapse of our marriage. It happens and the person that says it could never happen to them simply has not been tempted in the most seductive ways. I would like to think that my integrity is such that I would never compromise my integrity or myself. However, I can only think that as I have never been married and been tempted by infidelity. Mostly, because I never got close to other women during my marriage, I always kept a distance.

My marriage was nowhere near perfect and we should have been in counseling years earlier. There were outside influences of the worst type and it made loving each other the way we desired nearly impossible. However, we had and continue to have a deep friendship for each other, although it is strained at this point. We produced two of the most amazing, beautiful children you can imagine. A dear friend from Florida asked me if I had any good times in my lengthy marriage. At the time, I could not think of one event or moment that was enjoyable. However, that was from a man that was once again running through the thoughts of divorce, not the marriage. Hearing the woman you dedicated your life to, envisioned growing old with say she had a new best friend and lover, and it is not you; can leave a lasting impression. There were many great times in our marriage and I remember her innocence with great joy. My ex-wife, the mother of my children, is a beautiful woman and an incredible human. I believe she made an incorrect decision, but she did what she felt was best for her. Sadly, I hoped she would make the decision that was best for our family.

When the events of two weeks ago came to my attention, that my beautiful daughter was suffering a great loss, I realized that these events had a major impact on more than just the married couple’s life. My daughter was suffering her parents’ failure. I knew that she was angry, hurt, felt betrayed and even resentful as she feels she is being replaced by the upcoming birth of her mother’s third child, this one with her new husband. These are all valid feelings and one that needs professional assistance. I immediately arranged for this professional help. Then as any parent would do, at least I hope they would. I placed my own feelings, hurt aside, and moved my own healing onto the fast track. This young woman is at an impressionable age and now is the time to save her from horrible decisions of her own. I asked her counselor if it would help if her parents were operating as a single unit, including the new stepfather. The answer was as I thought that it has a far less impact and speeds healing if both homes and occupants were harmonious with one another. A very huge task indeed lay before me. Accept the new marriage, let go of the hurt, pain and humiliation and move forward with love and acceptance.

I have always tried to teach my children that the best and most successful way to live life is with the philosophy of FFE. FFE is an acronym for Forgive, Forget, Embrace. I asked myself if I was practicing what I teach. I was not living the philosophy and was allowing my own hurt to keep a distance from the married couple. However, I knew in time that I would not stay in this state long term. My daughter’s fragile condition made me realize that I could not afford to remain hurt or distant. It was up to me to bring this family together, whether the newly married couple was ready for it or not. Therefore, the invite was sent to my ex-wife. I did not hear back, so I sent the invite once again. This time the invite was accepted and history for this family was about to be made. That history took place On November 20, 2010 at the Megaplex Theater at the Gateway in Salt Lake City, Utah. It is the first of hopefully many steps towards reconciliation and a new friendship. The smiles on my children’s faces said it all. In fact, I could see the healing right before my eyes. I could feel my daughter’s tension ease and her gentleness and smile return. She has a long way to go and many feelings and issues to resolve, but on this day, she began her healing. Her parents were at peace, even though we were not at war before this day, we certainly were not at peace. Forgive, Forget, Embrace, difficult to do at times, but infinitely rewarding for yourself and all those around you.

"When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing." ---Rabindranath Tagore

"The only work that will ultimately bring any good to any of us is the work of contributing to the healing of the world." ---Marianne Williamson

Introducing the Hurley/Roberts Family (Not Pictured Baby Roberts Under Construction)

My Choices

"Every choice moves us closer to or farther away from something. Where are your choices taking your life? What do your behaviors demonstrate that you are saying yes or no to in life?" ---Eric Allenbaugh

Our life is a mirror of our choices. We literally define ourselves by our daily choices. I find it amazing that we have the ability to determine our tomorrow. I realize that our tomorrow is not decided by a choice we make today, but metaphorically speaking, our tomorrow is decided by the choices we make today. One bad food day does not make you fat tomorrow. However, many bad food days does make you fat in the future. The power of our choices crosses over to all areas of our life.

I remember when I purchased my first car. A young eighteen years and feeling invincible, I purchased a small two-seater sports car. Driving the car was great fun and I had many great times in that car with friends and dates. Four years later that car would prove to me that choices make a difference in our lives later. That choice in vehicles did not come without a price to pay. Because it was so fun to drive and it was fun to drive fast, I had many citations. I remember having so many citations that I was informed if I received one more citation, my license would be revoked. Listen I did not, young dumb and invincible I was. One evening while driving back to Southern Utah to get back for early Monday classes at Dixie State College, I flew past Fillmore Utah doing 105 according to the Highway Patrol Officer. Remember the speed limit in those days was 55, like Sammy Hagar, I can’t drive 55! The officer sat in his car for an eternity and then he slowly approached my vehicle with my citation. However, when he reached my window he informed me he had to impound the vehicle and hold me over-night until I could meet with the Judge on Monday morning. I watched my sporty car be towed away and I received a first class ride in a Utah Highway Patrol car to the Fillmore justice center. I asked the officer where I was staying the night. He smiled and said Fillmore jail. I was not booked or finger printed, but was led to my very own jail cell. He said you can sleep there and as long as you behave and stay put, I will not lock you in. I can tell you I listened this time and I stayed put.

The morning came and I was escorted to Fillmore Court where I would meet the judge. The Judge was a nice guy, I guess, however I was scared to death. He looked over the paper work and then looked at me. He looked at the paper work before him again and then he looked at me once again. Then, he looked at me and said Todd I am confused. You have no criminal record, look like a clean-cut law abiding citizen. What part of no more citations did you not understand? My response was one of profound wisdom. I said they were serious about that. I thought they liked citation revenue and as long as I pay the citation, why should it matter how many citations I receive? Did I mention I was young, dumb and invincible? He looked at me with a blank expression and then burst into laughter. He said Todd you made my day, I am very happy you sped past our town. I am going to give you a break, I will let you be on your way after you pay your citation, promise to quit speeding, and go with this Highway Patrol Officer for a two hour class. What a cool judge I thought to myself. Then I learned the citation took my food and gasoline budget for the next three months. After-wards, the class I was so fortunate to attend. It was me and Officer Never Smile in a small room looking at the worst Utah crashes, complete with graphic photos of those that did not survive. It would be years before I drove above 60mph. In addition, as soon as I could I traded that car in for a four-door Nissan Maxima.

Yes, our choices make a very big difference in our lives down the road. The smallest bad choice, if repeated, can have very bad consequences down the road. I aim to choose well today, that my future tomorrow will be amazing. I am doing my best in food choices and health choices. I am diligently attempting to make the best possible choices in surrounding myself with the best people I know or meet. I learned today that one man living right in the eyes of the Lord and doing all that is possible to help others, makes an enormous impact on this Earth. I have visualized my future tomorrow and I love what I see. It is my hope that you do the same.

"The typical human life seems to be quite unplanned, undirected, unlived, and unsavored. Only those who consciously think about the adventure of living as a matter of making choices among options, which they have found for themselves, ever establish real self-control and live their lives fully." ---Karl Albrecht

"There's a need for accepting responsibility - for a person's life and making choices that are not just ones for immediate short-term comfort. You need to make an investment, and the investment is in health and education." ---Buzz Aldrin

That's It! No More Obese Friends!

"Things are seldom what they seem." ---W. S. Gilbert

I know a horrible, insensitive title. However, that is just what the study-released reveals. It reveals that obese individuals are likely to have obese friends. Of course, they have twisted the results to appear that if you are thin and have an obese friend, you can expect midnight binge eating in your near future. Seriously, studies are so flawed. Obese friends do not make their non-obese friends obese. However, I do believe that obese people are more likely to chum around with another obese person for the obvious reasons.

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/food/diet-nutrition/2010-11-05-obese05_ST_N.htm

Now, if you talk about obese families and children, perhaps there is a correlation with obese parents and obese children. I believe there may be some truth to that observation. Children will most likely pick up their parents habits.

I have not been very consistent with my blog entries as of late. I guess that happens when you try to rebuild a life. My journey was to be weight loss, new career and take my family to new heights. Then a twenty-two year marriage ends in a less than spectacular way and it leaves you searching your soul and your life. I have no anger or animosity about my divorce, but it did leave my life in a state of confusion. The holidays are fast approaching and it will be difficult. This will be difficult not only for me, but for my beautiful children as well.

I am very excited that through my personal difficulties that I did not turn to food as a drug. Instead, I stayed focused and continued to eat properly and get exercise. I really am excited for the future. I have met some amazing people in my pursuit of living by design. In twenty-five days, I will be on an airplane headed to meet one of the most inspirational people to which I have ever spoken. It will do my spirit good to get away for a few days and just be in a warm climate. Enjoying the sights, sounds and passionate, enthusiastic, positive people.

The weight loss challenge is going well and winding down. Only one week left and I am in second place. This is where I will finish, as the leader is 5% of his body weight lost ahead of me. He has done remarkable and my congratulations are in order. He got off to a fast start, first week on a diet and then he stayed focused. I matched him in weight loss after the first week, but that first week he lost a ton of weight. I am not disappointed; I have lost 7% of my body weight after ten weeks. I am eager to see how the final two weigh-in turn out for me. I would love to hit the 10% of body weight lost.

"To live we must conquer incessantly, we must have the courage to be happy." ---Henri Frederic Amiel

"First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you." ---Rob Gilbert