Saturday, May 26, 2012

Our Dreams Expire


 
"All our dreams can come true...if we have the courage to pursue them."   ---Walt Disney

I have been AWOL for a while.  Actually, I have been very busy and much of that has been writing.  Well, there has been a great deal of athletic events with my kids.  Four days per week, I have found myself at a park cheering or practicing with my children in various sports.  My writing time that was devoted to my blog, for the most part, has been devoted to pursuing my desires or dreams if you will.

I thought I would break away from that writing to share something that really left an impression with me.  First, let me take you back a few years to 19 cough, cough, 87.  I was in college and among the classes I was taking were creative writing, screenplay writing and film classes.  Seriously, I never envisioned myself as a George Lucas or Steven Spielberg, but I was fascinated with the process.  It was a fools dream, but a dream nonetheless. 

A few weeks ago, I decided to take a course where I would work with a Director/Writer for six weeks.  I discovered it would be a one-on-one course and I would have the Instructor’s undivided attention.  The day before I went to my first session, I read about a Worldwide Screenplay Contest. 

I listened and answered questions during my first session and he asked me my experience.  I was hesitant and shy about it.  I looked him in the eyes and said that I took a few classes almost 25 years ago.  He looked a bit shocked; I think he thought I would be a bit more experienced.  That first session was spent reading a screenplay he wrote and he would question my knowledge of the terms and formatting.  Obviously, a few things have changed and honestly, I have forgotten many things.

Near the end of the session, he suggested that I work on writing a screenplay of my own and each week we would work on it.  He said he wanted five pages of screenplay done every week to bring to class.  We would read them together and learn as I write.  Kind of like earning while, you are learning, minus the money.  He asked what I wanted to write about in my screenplay.  I told him I have no idea.  I told him of the contest where they give you a tagline and you write a feature length screenplay based on the tagline.  He asked what the tagline was.  “A soldier returns from serving 18-months at war, to discover his home and address do not exist.”  He thought it sounded interesting and urged me to bring five pages by next week’s class.

I was excited to be writing and taking this class.  The next class arrives and I sit down in his office.  He asks me if I got my five pages of homework finished and I answered yes.  I opened a folder and handed him my work.  He looked at it and looked back at me confused.  He said this is not five pages.  I answered, no sir, it is twenty-five pages.  He smiled and said well; let me see what you have here.  He began to read.  That is the most difficult part for me, letting others read and review my work.  My skin is as thin as an oversized chewing gum bubble.

He is quietly reading and I want to hide.  I am feeling very uncomfortable and wished that I could leave.  Then something weird happened.  As he reads my screenplay, I hear him whisper to himself.  I looked closely at his face and I could tell he was envisioning the scenes, as he would set them up as a Director.  I suddenly hear him say, ‘What a Dick” and his head gently shook back and forth in a “no” fashion.  I could not believe my eyes and ears.  Here is a person that has directed more than 15 Films and written over 30 Screenplays and he was visualizing my screenplay as a movie.
 
"At first, dreams seem impossible, then improbable, and eventually inevitable."   ---Christopher Reeve

When he finished reading my twenty-five pages, he sets it aside and asks me two questions.  He asks, you have never written a screenplay before.  I answer no.  He asks you have never worked in the film industry before.  I answer no.  He says Todd this is excellent.  You have a gift, it needs work, but you have a gift.  He added 90% of Film School graduates and aspiring writers do not have what you have.  The majority of these people know format and technique like you cannot believe.  However, they do not have the ability to tell a story.  That is what makes a successful screenplay is telling a good story.  If a director, producer or actor reads or is pulled into a great story it greatly increases the chances of that screenplay being made into a movie.  Todd, your formatting and technique are lagging, but your story telling is spot on.  Well done, I cannot wait to read more next week.

I was on a very big high that night.  However, I still believe it is a fools dream at best.  I am having a great time writing, learning and creating.  It has awakened all my senses.  It has given me a direction to focus and move towards in building my dreams.  I believe that the journey of working towards those dreams improves our lives most.  It is not necessarily capturing those dreams. 

Then a few nights ago, I read a story about a man who wrote about dreams having an expiration date.  He got a call that his Mother was in the Emergency Room and needed life saving surgery.  He raced to the hospital just as his Mother was wheeled into the operating room.  As he waited at the hospital, he reflected on his life as a child and his Mother’s life.  His Mother had given her all to her husband and children.  She had always put everyone else before herself.  He remembered her saying what she had always wanted to do.  When he would ask her why she does not do it, she would reply that as soon as you kids are grown.  Then after the kids were grown, she said as soon as your father retires.  Then it became the grandchildren and helping while us, (her children) pursued our dreams.  She did just that, assisted us with our children as we struggled financially to finish school and pursue our dreams.

This man writes, my Mother always taught us we are never too old to pursue our dreams.  No, we are not.  There is an old saying that we are not old until our regrets have replaced our dreams.  No, we are never too old to pursue our dreams and we should never give up on them.  However, at this very minute I realize that our dreams have an expiration date.  If my Mother does not survive this ordeal, her dreams will expire.  They will go unrealized without pursuit.  My Mother is in excellent condition and yet she is fighting for her life at this very moment.

My dear friends our dreams and desires do have expiration dates.  None of us knows exactly how long we have left in this life.  Each day we let pass without action, even if assisting others, puts us at risk of never pursuing our dreams or desires.  Even if just for a few minutes per day, the pursuit enlivens our senses.  We may not capture those dreams but the journey alone improves our lives in ways we cannot even imagine.  The longest journey begins with a single small step.  Take the journey and one small step at a time... pursue your dreams and desires.   

      
"When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life"   ---Greg Anderson
 
"Dreams get you into the future and add excitement to the present."   ---Robert Conklin
 
"I've continued to recognize the power individuals have to change virtually anything and everything in their lives in an instant. I've learned that the resources we need to turn our dreams into reality are within us, merely waiting for the day when we decide to wake up and claim our birthright."   ---Anthony Robbins
 
"There is hope in dreams, imagination, and in the courage of those who wish to make those dreams a reality."   ---Jonas Salk
 
 
 

Monday, April 30, 2012

Will You Marry Me


"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."   ---Brandi Snyder

Today I had a rather amusing experience regarding someone’s engagement.  A young woman I have known for a few years, but have not looked upon for about eighteen months visited me today.  This young woman is now twenty years of age.  She always has a smile and a positive attitude.  Those two traits go very far with me.

During our conversation, she suddenly flashed her left hand.  Almost bursting with excitement, she blurts out the following.  Do you see anything different about my hand?  I respond that is a rather nice ring.  Again, bursting with joy she explains it is her engagement ring.

During the next twenty minutes she would go on and on about her fiancĂ©, their pending marriage and how excited she is about getting married.  When she finished explaining it all to me, she asks if I will come to the wedding.  I respond with absolutely!  I would love to come to your wedding and meet your husband.  I end the conversation by asking when they are getting married so I can mark my calendar.  It took all I had not to spit out my gum in laughter when I heard her response.

We are getting married in the summer of 2017!

That is a precious moment in life.  Her heart pure, her mind and thoughts sincere.

"She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes: Thus mellow'd to that tender light Which heaven to gaudy day denies."   ---Lord Byron
 
"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."   ---Dr. Seuss or Robert Fulghum  (I have found several people being credited for this quote.)

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Odds, Ends and Observations

"This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson  

Time

 I have noticed that there simply are not enough hours in a day. I am amazed how some people make it look like there are 100 hours per day, while others, like me; make it look like there are 10. We all have the same amount of time every day, yet some people get an enormous amount of things done. Perhaps it comes down to organization and a list of daily goals.  

"There is no fate that plans men's lives. Whatever comes to us, good or bad, is usually the result of our own action or lack of action." ---- Herbert N. Casson  

Weight Loss

Weight loss is a lifetime endeavor. This is especially true for someone that once topped 430+ pounds on the scale. I continue to lose a few, gain a few, and lose a few. The more important thing right now for me is to be happy, confident and active. I am very excited that I have lost nearly 200 pounds and my life is vastly different and more exciting than it was three years ago. Still, I have a goal to lose a good chunk of this remaining weight before my High School Reunion in August. Yes, it is the famous hurry up and get skinny before you see all your pals from your teenage years. Now, if only I could afford hair transplants, lasik and a little botox. =)

"He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and a third time till at length it becomes habitual." ---Thomas Jefferson  

Friends

I have some of the best friends a person could have. However, one very dear friend has decided that I am really not all that great. Shocking, I know… right? =) Truthfully, it is the same friend mentioned in an earlier post. We kind of restarted the friendship only to hit some rough waters and then he blew my ship to kingdom come with a firestorm I shall never forget. Odd, how someone you thought was your best friend could find the anger to unleash the foulest, harsh, hurtful and resonating words you have ever experienced. Yes, I did something that I should not have trying to help my friend. It is a valuable lesson learned. Not everyone in our lives is ready for or desires our assistance. Sometimes, people need to take their own journey alone. In addition, I have learned that no matter how bad things become in our lives that honesty and integrity rule. I am no exception and must always remember this.

 "You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither." ---Drew Carey 
"Sex is only a three letter word so how can it be dirty?" ---Erma Bombeck  

Sex

Wow! Who knew? =)  

"There are people who have money and people who are rich." ---Coco Chanel  

Money

 I need a money tree or printing press like the Government seems to have. There always seems to be far more month than money. My list of wants is huge. My list of needs is few. Perhaps a class in curbing desires is in order.  

"When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life." ---Greg Anderson  

Dreams

The person that pursues their dreams and has an active plan is the person I admire most. Dreams come in all forms and are different for each of us. Pursuing ones dreams ignites a passion that is difficult to extinguish and spreads to other areas of life. Next week, I will be working with a Director/Writer in a one on one course to learn and absorb all I can about writing screenplays. This has been a secret desire I have had since college. I am grateful for the opportunity and look forward to the next six weeks as we work together. =)  

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out." ---Erma Bombeck  

Kids

I love them. I love mine most, but love them all. My kids brighten my day and make me smile. When they are in their beds at my home all feels right in the world. When they are not here, I have some anxiety and sadness. Divorce is difficult for a person that feels so deeply for their children. My amazing son is being harassed at his school and I approached his mother about coming to my home for school. We have an amazing situation for my son. He would excel here and have a network of friends that would create a lifetime of childhood fondness. His mother said no with no explanation offered. Does not surprise me, she is not the woman I once knew. I will always look at her with fondness and I try to focus on all the wonderful memories of our marriage, but moments when our child is clearly struggling and she cannot find the selflessness to give him the freedom he desires wears on us all. She has allowed him to participate in sports here and for that I am extremely grateful. When we are alone together, she seems like the woman I knew and loved for so many years. As soon as someone comes around, her demeanor changes and she becomes rude, impatient and accusatory. I will leave that to the more educated out there to figure that one out.  

"I married beneath me, all women do." ---Nancy Astor  

Anniversary

 I celebrated my one-year anniversary to my beautiful wife last week. It has been a year of growth. It was a year not void of challenges. We dated for four short months and married quickly. She had two children, I had two children and we all came together quickly. My wife is an amazing woman. She is one of those that seem to have 100 hours per day. She has organized me. I love her deeply and I am so grateful for her. She has so much love to offer. My children adore her, as do I. We experienced economic challenges, as have many. My wife is not one to ask for assistance and works harder than anyone I know. She simply amazes me and I am a very fortunate man. =)  

"Summer afternoon, summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language." ---Henry James

Summer

The brown, lifeless grass and trees make way for brilliant shades of green. Brilliant blossoms of color show their glory and proudly wave to the world. The warm air gently caresses our skin and seems to make the human body look and feel more attractive. The mood seems to take on a sense of celebration and party. Weekends become great adventures as we all try to pack a week of activities into two days. No matter if, the adventure takes away from home or takes place in our own backyard, summer is magical. Summer makes humanity more attractive and vibrant.  

"Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is a beauty, admire it. Life is a dream,realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game,play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, singit. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure,dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is life, fight for it!" ---Mother Teresa

Monday, March 26, 2012

Laughed At or Laughed With

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures." ---Khalil Gibran

Warning: This post contains some crude moments, which may make you visualize something you do not care to visualize. Ye are warned.

Gasoline prices have mass transit companies very crowded. Our state is no different and my day job (sounds far more sexy than simply saying I work for) is actually working for a mass transit company in my state. Something happened last Friday that was shocking, funny and educational all in one.

I happened to be on a crowded bus and it was stopped at a signal light on a busy street. The wind blowing and on the far side of the intersection was a group of people at a bus stop waiting for us to arrive. Among this group were three adult women, three children and one adult male. Although the wind was blowing, it was unseasonably warm. I noticed that one adult woman was wearing very tight clothing. In fact, she was showing a great deal of skin. She was wearing a tube-top and the tightest dress pants I have ever seen. Her pants were so tight it was pushing her fat above the waist. I honestly wondered how she possibly got these pants buttoned or zipped. In addition, she was wearing high heels. Now, she was not enormous in size, nor was she unattractive. Due to the tube-top, her mid-section and her shoulders were bare.

The group was patiently waiting, when suddenly a piece of paper blew out of the hand of one of the children. The woman described above looked on in horror as the wind carried the paper into the middle of the intersection. Immediately, she began to move quickly towards the intersection. She ran quickly, high heels and all. Once in the middle of the intersection, her back towards the bus, she placed her foot on the piece of paper to keep it from blowing away again. Knowing she was holding up traffic and not in a safe place she quickly bent over to pick up the paper.

I am not sure which of the four fundamental forces came into play electromagnetism, strong interaction, weak interaction or gravitation. I was certain of the outcome. When this woman bent over in her extremely tight pants, they did not rip or split, but rather fell all the way to the ground right to her ankles. There she was bent over, rear facing us, in the center of the intersection, exposing her now very visible pink thong. Oddly, she had no idea she had lost her pants. She was busy keeping the paper from blowing away. I looked at the rest of her group and the remaining adults were laughing hysterically. People on the bus were shouting comments inside the bus and we were all laughing. She stood up and looked at her friends who were now shouting at her to look down. She looks down and realizes her pants are at her ankles. Embarrassed and flustered, she clumsily turns around to face the bus. In one quick motion, she slightly bends and reaches for her pants. Doing this threw her right back into the four fundamental forces. When she quickly reached her arms down in a slight bending and twisting motion, it managed to drag her tube-top right down to her waist. Did I mention she was now facing the busload of people?

"The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter." ---Mark Twain

The people on the bus were laughing and one woman makes a comment, she is losing everything. This resulted in more laughter. Finally, she manages to gather her clothes and move out of the intersection. Now, I am thinking to myself that there is no way she is going to get on this bus. She will certainly wait for the next one, hoping she would never see anyone on that bus again. Wrong again, as she boards the bus with her group. This is where the educational part of the story enters. Standing at the front of the bus, with people laughing and a few people making wise comments, she speaks. Looking at us all without any fear, she says, hi ya all my name is Christina. I thought you should have a name to go with that image that is now stuck in your mind. The entire bus erupted into laughter, which was led by her laughter. This remarkable woman knew the wise meaning of it is better to laugh with, than be laughed at. It is the best way I have ever witnessed anyone handle complete embarrassment and humiliation. Her comments drew people to her and made the ongoing and certain harassment stop instantly. It was very well handled.

"Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously." ---Og Mandino

"We pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats. Go ahead and fail. But fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. A mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success. Embrace failure! Seek it out. Learn to love it. That may be the only way any of us will ever be free. Tom Robbins Before you give up hope, turn back and read the attacks that were made on Lincoln." ---Bruce Barton

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Eyes of a Child

"My children cause me the most exquisite suffering of which I have any experience. It is the suffering of ambivalence: the murderous alternation between bitter resentment and raw-edged nerves, and blissful gratification and tenderness. Sometimes I seem to myself, in my feelings toward these tiny guiltless beings, a monster of selfishness and intolerance." ---Adrienne Rich

Monday I found myself in a place, I do not enjoy all that much… a Walmart Supercenter. It was a bit crowded and honestly somewhat dirty for only being the noon hour. I was browsing the cereal isle, looking for cereal for the teenagers and seven-year-old that reside in my home. That is where I witnessed something that will be remembered forever. It will not be remembered by me forever, but for one little girl it will forever be etched in her mind. This young woman was about five or six years of age. She was shopping with her little sister that was riding inside the cart. Since her little sister had digs on the seat with a view, she was given the “Big Girl” responsibility of walking the store along side the cart. In addition to the two young girls shopping, the Captain in charge was a lovely young woman with a familiar title we call Mom.

I could hear Mom before I could see her or the two girls. Mom was obviously stressed and in no mood to be meddled with. I could hear her shouting two isles away. The closer she got the more intense the shouting became. Then suddenly they appeared headed down the cereal isle. Wisely, I step aside to allow the ship (cart), her crew and the angry captain clear passage. As they pass, I smile at the young girl walking along side the cart and she returns the smile. Then, the ship suddenly stops and the captain steps over and grabs a bag of cereal. Excitedly, the young girl walks around the cart to see what cereal passed the selection process of the captain. She watches, as do I, as the captain throws the bagged cereal about three-feet into the cart. Then the captain quickly steps back to the helm ready to proceed and takes two quick steps. Suddenly the ship stops immediately as does the captain to avoid a certain collision. If only we as humans could pause at a precise moment, walk away and ponder. Unfortunately, we cannot and usually do not. The collision, narrowly avoided was with this young crewmember, which stepped in front of the ship to return to the side of the ship.

"Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." ---Oscar Wilde

I could see the stress and anger in the captains’ face. Her skin color darkened with redness and her eyes squinting and focused. Staring directly at the young crewmember, her beautiful daughter this captain unloads a verbal lashing that could be heard for many isles. It was filled with angry foul words and insults aimed directly towards this young child. Shouting and nearly spitting as the harsh words exited her mouth. The captain was so angry she could not be stopped and the lashing lasted a good forty-five seconds. When she finished she looked me in the eyes, I was staring her down. Instantly, I could tell she wish she had that forty-five seconds of her life back. I thought that perhaps she would come to her senses. Unfortunately, realizing that I had witnessed the entire event, she must have felt embarrassed as she once again unloaded on the child for causing her to lose her temper. Oddly, she lost her temper, while she shouted at the child for making her lose her temper. Witnessing a second lashing, I looked at the child. The look in this Childs eyes said it all. Heartbroken, fearful, disappointed, saddened, confused, her eyes had many tear-filled emotions. It was a moment that will replay in her mind for the rest of her life upon this beautiful earth. I know this because I lived that exact moment several times in the presence of my father.

We all lose our temper with our children and I am no exception. Aging has wisdom attached with it. It really is too bad that we do not begin parenting at age forty. I look back at how I react with my children now as opposed to just seven to ten years ago and I am wiser and more patient. However, given my experience with my father in those moments when I lost it, I always made it a point to calm down, immediately return, and apologize. I would explain the situation that made me angry. I would hug, kiss and laugh with them and do my very best to replace those feelings of hurt with positive feelings of laughter and love. A few weeks ago, our family was gathered together and the children in our home were talking about angry parents. My stepchildren were telling some harsh stories about moments with their fathers. Then my gorgeous daughter began to speak. She had many stories about her mother’s anger, stepfather’s anger and then my heart sank. She revealed a story of the worst parenting moment of my life. A moment I had forgotten, but a moment that will live in her mind for the rest of her life. Life is precious and children are a great gift and one of the best parts of our earthly experience. Challenging as it may be, I hope I remember this and use patience in difficult times.

"If men do not keep on speaking terms with children, they cease to be men, and become merely machines for eating and for earning money." ---John Updike

"The best way to make children good is to make them happy." ---Oscar Wilde

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, March 19, 2012

Purpose and Passion

"There is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it." ---Napoleon Hill

What is your purpose? What ignites your passion? We humans are amazing creatures and we can make almost anything we do a pleasant experience. We have the ability to live a happy life, even if we are doing the last thing we ever wanted to do for a living. I think that is remarkable and wonderful. However, imagine for a moment what life would be like if we actually fulfilled our purpose; that which ignites a burning passion. I am not talking about money, fame or unrealistic, outrageous dreams. I am speaking of our unfulfilled purpose. Is there something that you think of, or would like to do that gets your mind, body and soul stirred? What gets you wound up with excitement? Is there anything that stirs your passion and excites you?

In order to fulfill your passion, it does not always require that you leave your current career or take great financial risk. In fact, many people that are living with passion and fulfilling their purpose continue working the job they already have. Still, many find that if possible they would much rather devote their working hours to their purpose. How do we find our purpose? That is the million-dollar question. Exactly how does one go about finding their purpose, their why, their passion-filled reason for ultimate satisfaction? The book I mentioned a couple of posts ago goes into detail about finding your purpose. I am almost finished with the book and I think it is an excellent book about finding our purpose and living with passion. I think it is a necessary read for everyone and I definitely will be certain that my children read it as they prepare for college and adulthood. The book is Unstoppable by Cynthia Kersey.

"Purpose directs passion and passion ignites purpose." ---Rhonda Britten

I once had a Professor tell me that it is impossible for everyone to live their dreams or in this case, fulfill their purpose. He said the world needs ditch-diggers, house cleaners, trash collectors, fast-food employees and those willing to do what the majority refuse. I responded is being a Professor included in that group of what the majority refuse. He got very defensive and a little heated. I explained that being a Professor is not high on millions of people’s list of desires. I added his dream fulfilled is teaching and expanding the minds of others, however that would be misery to someone else. In the book Unstoppable, there are examples of people that keep their jobs and their purpose fits in with what they do for a living.

We humans are an amazing bunch. We have the ability to change the world, simply by making a change within ourselves. How might the world be better served and our happiness increased ten-fold if we live with passion and fulfill our purpose? The obstacles and challenges will fall to the side when we are finally living our purpose and doing so with passion. When we are fulfilling our purpose, we are energized and suddenly we find the energy to work beyond our current capacity. When we are excited beyond our imagination, we simply cannot sleep and our mind constantly works in overdrive. It brings with it vitality and youth. It becomes contagious and those all around us benefit from our satisfaction and passion. Your purpose, your passion, your satisfaction, your world, all can change this life for the better.

"Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us." ---Marianne Williamson

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose." ---George Carlin

"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received." ---Albert Einstein

Monday, March 12, 2012

Small Things in Life are Huge

"Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually." ---Stephen R. Covey

I will get right to the point. This past weekend I have been blue, down, in the dumps, depressed, just flirting with an unsettled feeling. I desire to live big, huge, and enormous. I do not desire to be big, huge and enormous; I just desire to live that way. I desire to travel and see the world; I want to take my spouse and children. I desire to go where it is warm during the winter and visit cooler places during the summer. I desire to take long cruises and be treated like Royalty. I desire to stay at Hotels in many cities and learn all I can about their culture. I desire to meet the world and spend life in the grandest adventure.

However, reality is always a bubble-bursting phenomenon. Reality dictates that I cannot leave my day job. Reality dictates that I do not enjoy full custody of my amazing children. Reality dictates that while I can work towards such desires on this grand scale, I must first take care of the necessities of life. I guess that is where we come down to dreams and whether or not they are reality-based and practical dreams.

“Check your attitude, all you desire may be right before you.” ---Todd Hurley

I certainly need to heed the above quote. Sometimes I get so impatient and so anxious to have all that I desire; I lose sight of what I have before me. I remember not long ago that my main goal and new journey was to become part of a family once again. I have accomplished this in the grandest style. When my birth children are with us, we are an amazing family. I love my family and I love spending time with my family. I miss my birth children when they are away and it saddens me greatly. However, when we are all together I am one very happy and content man.

I am going to leave you with a story that was shared with me. It touched my heart and made me realize how the simple, small things in life are huge. Yes, I still desire the grandest adventure, but after reading this story and witnessing the children on my street chase down vehicles to stop at their Kool-Aid stand, I understand that our attitude determines our altitude. This story demonstrates how the simple, small things are huge in the overall happiness of the human experience.

A life without Left Turns
By Michael Gartner

My father never drove a car.

Well, that's not quite right.

I should say I never saw him drive a car. He quit driving in 1927, when he was 25 years old, and the last car he drove was a 1926 Whippet.

"In those days," he told me when he was in his 90s, "to drive a car you had to do things with your hands, and do things with your feet, and look every which way, and I decided you could walk through life and enjoy it or drive through life and miss it."

At which point my mother, a sometimes salty Irishwoman, chimed in: "Oh, bullshit!" she said. "He hit a horse." "Well," my father said, "there was that, too."

So my brother and I grew up in a household without a car. The neighbors all had cars — the Kollingses next door had a green 1941 Dodge, the VanLaninghams across the street a gray 1936 Plymouth, the Hopsons two doors down a black 1941 Ford — but we had none. My father, a newspaperman in Des Moines, would take the streetcar to work and, often as not, walk the 3 miles home. If he took the streetcar home, my mother and brother and I would walk the three blocks to the streetcar stop, meet him and walk home together.

Our 1950 Chevy

My brother, David, was born in 1935, and I was born in 1938, and sometimes, at dinner, we'd ask how come all the neighbors had cars but we had none. "No one in the family drives," my mother would explain, and that was that. But, sometimes, my father would say, "But as soon as one of you boys turns 16, we'll get one." It was as if he wasn't sure which one of us would turn 16 first.

But, sure enough, my brother turned 16 before I did, so in 1951 my parents bought a used 1950 Chevrolet from a friend who ran the parts department at a Chevy dealership downtown. It was a four-door, white model, stick shift, fender skirts, loaded with everything, and, since my parents didn't drive, it more or less became my brother's car.

Having a car but not being able to drive didn't bother my father, but it didn't make sense to my mother. So in 1952, when she was 43 years old, she asked a friend to teach her to drive. She learned in a nearby cemetery, the place where I learned to drive the following year and where, a generation later, I took my two sons to practice driving. The cemetery probably was my father's idea. "Who can your mother hurt in the cemetery?" I remember him saying once.

For the next 45 years or so, until she was 90, my mother was the driver in the family. Neither she nor my father had any sense of direction, but he loaded up on maps — though they seldom left the city limits — and appointed himself navigator. It seemed to work.

The ritual walk to church

Still, they both continued to walk a lot. My mother was a devout Catholic, and my father an equally devout agnostic, an arrangement that didn't seem to bother either of them through their 75 years of marriage. (Yes, 75 years, and they were deeply in love the entire time.) He retired when he was 70, and nearly every morning for the next 20 years or so, he would walk with her the mile to St. Augustin's Church. She would walk down and sit in the front pew, and he would wait in the back until he saw which of the parish's two priests was on duty that morning. If it was the pastor, my father then would go out and take a 2-mile walk, meeting my mother at the end of the service and walking her home. If it was the assistant pastor, he'd take just a 1-mile walk and then head back to the church. He called the priests "Father Fast" and "Father Slow."

After he retired, my father almost always accompanied my mother whenever she drove anywhere, even if he had no reason to go along. If she were going to the beauty parlor, he'd sit in the car and read, or go take a stroll or, if it was summer, have her keep the engine running so he could listen to the Cubs game on the radio. (In the evening, then, when I'd stop by, he'd explain: "The Cubs lost again. The millionaire on second base made a bad throw to the millionaire on first base, so the multimillionaire on third base scored.") If she were going to the grocery store, he would go along to carry the bags out — and to make sure she loaded up on ice cream.

As I said, he was always the navigator, and once, when he was 95 and she was 88 and still driving, he said to me, "Do you want to know the secret of a long life?" "I guess so," I said, knowing it probably would be something bizarre. "No left turns," he said. "What?" I asked. "No left turns," he repeated. "Several years ago, your mother and I read an article that said most accidents that old people are in happen when they turn left in front of oncoming traffic. As you get older, your eyesight worsens, and you can lose your depth perception, it said. So your mother and I decided never again to make a left turn."

"What?" I said again. "No left turns," he said. "Think about it. Three rights are the same as a left, and that's a lot safer. So we always make three rights." You're kidding!" I said, and I turned to my mother for support. "No," she said, "your father is right. We make three rights. It works." But then she added: "Except when your father loses count."

I was driving at the time, and I almost drove off the road as I started laughing. "Loses count?" I asked. "Yes," my father admitted, "that sometimes happens. But it's not a problem. You just make seven rights, and you're okay again." I couldn't resist. "Do you ever go for 11?" I asked.

"No," he said. "If we miss it at seven, we just come home and call it a bad day. Besides, nothing in life is so important it can't be put off another day or another week."

My mother was never in an accident, but one evening she handed me her car keys and said she had decided to quit driving. That was in 1999, when she was 90. She lived four more years, until 2003. My father died the next year, at 102. They both died in the bungalow they had moved into in 1937 and bought a few years later for $3,000. (Sixty years later, my brother and I paid $8,000 to have a shower put in the tiny bathroom — the house had never had one. My father would have died then and there if he knew the shower cost nearly three times what he paid for the house.) He continued to walk daily — he had me get him a treadmill when he was 101 because he was afraid he'd fall on the icy sidewalks but wanted to keep exercising — and he was of sound mind and sound body until the moment he died.

A happy life

One September afternoon in 2004, he and my son went with me when I had to give a talk in a neighboring town, and it was clear to all three of us that he was wearing out, though we had the usual wide-ranging conversation about politics and newspapers and things in the news. A few weeks earlier, he had told my son, "You know, Mike, the first hundred years are a lot easier than the second hundred." At one point in our drive that Saturday, he said, "You know, I'm probably not going to live much longer." "You're probably right," I said. "Why would you say that?" he countered, somewhat irritated. "Because you're 102 years old," I said. "Yes," he said, "you're right." He stayed in bed all the next day. That night, I suggested to my son and daughter that we sit up with him through the night. He appreciated it, he said, though at one point, apparently seeing us look gloomy, he said: "I would like to make an announcement. No one in this room is dead yet." An hour or so later, he spoke his last words:

"I want you to know," he said, clearly and lucidly, "that I am in no pain. I am very comfortable. And I have had as happy a life as anyone on this earth could ever have." A short time later, he died.

I miss him a lot, and I think about him a lot. I've wondered now and then how it was that my family and I were so lucky that he lived so long. I can't figure out if it was because he walked through life. Or because he quit taking left turns.

Michael Gartner has been editor of newspapers large and small and president of NBC News. In 1997, he won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial writing.


"Success in life is founded upon attention to the small things rather than to the large things; to the every day things nearest to us rather than to the things that are remote and uncommon." ---Booker T. Washington