The Journey is the Happiness

"There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." ---Og Mandino


Life can at times be very difficult. It can be full of heart-ache. I can tell you from personal experience that the above quote from Og Mandino is absolutely accurate. Much of my adult life has been spent living without the passion I so desired. It was hiding deep within me and I allowed my environment to assist me in keeping it hidden. Approximately a little over two years ago I decided that this would be the case no more. I will never again allow my environment to keep me living a life without passion. I will accomplish everything I set out to accomplish. I will surround myself with inspiring people with like-minded passion. Passion for living, for loving, for laughing, for caring and in all things with all people.

The journey is the happiness and happiness is now. There are many things I can point to and say, this has been terrible or I am so hurt, but who does this help? A couple of weeks ago I had a counselor that I have been working with say, I must say I have never seen anyone handle heartbreak as well as you have. If I am honest, which I am, I just said, it is the Lord that deserves the credit. Through him all things are possible.

Through great disappointment and enormous heartbreak can come enormous joy and love. Blessings come in many disguises and through the atonement you can overcome any difficulty. How did I overcome great heartache and all of the weight issues of the past? I simply focused on the blessings I do have and with great anticipation looked to the future of the blessings I will have. I have been given a great opportunity to design my life the way the Lord wants me to design it and the way I want to design it.

The weight continues to drop quickly. My mind, confidence and self-esteem are improving at warp speed. I am developing new friendships with inspiring people. I am surrounding myself with people of great integrity, great passion and those that desire to live life to its fullest. I have never looked to the future with such excitement as I do now. I have never been closer to my father-in-heaven and my children are benefiting from this transformation. Happiness is now and happiness is the journey.

"Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness, and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again." ---Og Mandino

Quick Update

Thought I would post a photo (if it works) of me recently. The sun makes me look completely bald... hey I have a little stuff left on top. Well, here I am at 170 pounds lost and gaining momentum. Life is grand and the future looks bright, fun and challenging. I will surround myself with people that inspire me for the rest of my life. I am a blessed man and I am deeply grateful for my many blessings. I joined a weight loss challenge at work. It lasts for 12 weeks. I do not aim to compete, I aim to win. They will lose a great amount of weight the first two weeks, but unless their why is strong the others will falter during a twelve week process. Everything grand, great and worthwhile in life that we succeed in requires a strong why.


"The greatest gift that you could ever give to another is your own happiness, for when you are in a state of joy, happiness, or appreciation, you are fully connected to the Stream of pure, positive Source Energy that is truly who you are. And when you are in that state of connection, anything or anyone that you are holding as your object of attention benefits from your attention." ---Esther Hicks

"It's not your work to make anything happen. It's your work to dream it and let it happen. Law of Attraction will make it happen. In your joy, you create something, and then you maintain your vibrational harmony with it, and the Universe must find a way to bring it about. That's the promise of Law of Attraction." ---Abraham Hicks

Dog Days of Summer... Seriously!

Okay, time to rant! I am out on my walk/jog/climb... OKAY, it's more of a walk/faster walk/stumble type of thing. Anyways, I am on my favorite trail that heads up to the mountains and I am making good time. Look at me world, I am cruising right along on this 3-mile, beautiful paved trail. Then all of the sudden my heart starts beating extremely fast and I feel fear. Why you ask? Because it is 6:00am and not a person in sight and I hear this low growling and heavy breathing.

My deepest fears were realized it was this huge, obese, Rottweiler. Now, when I was younger I was attacked by a Rottweiler or Rottenweiler as I call them! First, who has a Rottenweiler and does not make sure they are chained like Godzilla or King Kong? Why has this obese Rottenweiler suddenly entered my world? I thought if I just slowly, quietly tip-toe away the stupid Rottenweiler will lose interest. Perfect plan right? Nope! Suddenly, the thing started barking and running straight at me. Man that thing was bouncing all over, it definitely needed a doggy bra and girdle or something. But I digress. This enormous, eating and killing animal was in full sprint headed towards me to chew off my butt.

I immediately get it on and start moving. I head straight eastward towards the mountains. I looked high into the mountains and wondered if some bird watcher was up there looking through his scope at the scene below and wondering to himself... wow, that guy running could really use a man-bra and a girdle. Oh yeah, come down off that mountain and say that to my face, you silly little bird-man! Again, I digress. So, I am in full sprint and armed with the knowledge that I can keep this full-sprint pace for a very long 15 or 20 seconds. Dang, I am going to be Rottenweiler breakfast. Then it came, the dreaded hill. I did my best and I was really moving up that hill like the red-goo rising in a Lava Lamp. Suddenly, as I neared the top of the hill I heard the Rottenweiler no more. I stopped and looked back, the Rottenweiler was exhausted. Actually, it looked like it needed a medical helicopter. It was panting so hard and looking at me with anger. So, I shouted some Rocky style slurs... You ain't so bad! You ain't nothin'!

It barked and continued the pursuit. Crap, more sprinting uphill. As I continued my sprint for preservation of life, suddenly the theme song for Chariots of Fire came into my head. Theme song blasting and two male creatures locked in a battle for survival. The dog wiggling and jiggling like Jello, me jiggling and wiggling like a large ball of flubber. I mean, me bouncing with massive pecs and my sexy taut six-pack. It was a race for the survival of the fattest, I mean fittest! Finally, at the top of the hill I looked back and the Rottenweiler was once again exhausted and turned back. Then suddenly the theme from Rocky came into my head and I started the Rocky dance, jumping etc. It was going great until an older couple walked by looking at me like I was on drugs.


"It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." ---Epictetus

"Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness." ---Napoleon Hill

The Sky is Not Falling

It has been a roller-coaster ride for the last two years. It is difficult to admit that you failed at something, especially something as important as a marriage. However, one must keep this in perspective. We are alive, we still like each other, we have two beautiful children, our extended families still like us both, we are closer to the Lord and the sun rose and settled today. In fact, it was a beautiful day. I really believe this is a good and positive thing.

On a more positive side, I had a strange but fun event happen at the convenience store a couple of hours ago. When you are 432 pounds you are used to being ignored or stared at, but when it comes to special attention, you basically are ignored. I stopped to get a Coke Zero and as I was walking towards the door to leave the convenience store, I glanced up and noticed a very attractive woman about 35 coming into the store. She entered and took approximately seven or eight steps into the store and we were in direct approach of each other, headed for a collision. Suddenly, she looks up and looks me right in the eyes. Now, for the past 22 1/2 years I have avoided eye contact with women like it was the plague. This time however, I looked back and something really weird happened. This woman smiled and turned around and walked back to the door and opened it for me. She looked me in the eyes again and said I come here all the time, have a great night. HUH?

Either I looked pathetically sad, disabled or she was intoxicated. Nevertheless, I smiled and said, then I'll see you later. HUH? Did I just flirt? I think the Lord had something to do with this for my morale, or perhaps a family member paid her to do this. No matter, I just laughed all the way home and realized that my troubles are minimal to what many people are experiencing right now. I know a few people that are suffering the excruciating pain of watching their child fight for their life with cancer. Now, that is a life-altering and painful experience.

Borrowing from my friend Wendy again:

"Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present." ---Bil Keane

"We are responsible for what we are, and whatever we wish ourselves to be, we have the power to make ourselves. If what we are now has been the result of our own past actions, it certainly follows that whatever we wish to be in future can be produced by our present actions; so we have to know how to act." ---Swami Vivekananda

News Update

"If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody." ---Chinese Proverb

First, I share the bad news. I am still a bit overweight, but getting thinner daily. Each and every day my confidence grows stronger. Come December or January and it should be fully returned. Look out world because I am not very shy about going after what I want when I am fully confident. Also, I see a few wrinkles around the eyes, where did those come from. Must be smile wrinkles from my journey. My hair is thinner from the weight loss, but this was probably going to happen heavy or thin. Bald is beautiful or is it bald is the new sexy?

Now, let me share some of the good news. Since my last posting, I have been a very good boy. I remained faithful on my program, exercised six of the seven days and stayed positive. I have focused more intently on my why, my goals, dreams and the time-line to accomplish these. The result of this effort is that I crossed the 150-pounds lost threshold. I know I have a long distance to travel, but as recently as twelve months ago, I had doubts I would reach this milestone. I feel great, younger and rejuvenated. I am more positive and outgoing. My overall feeling of wellness is much better than it has been for years. I am happy and feel very positive about the future.



"In spite of the haze of speculation, it is still something of a shock to find myself here, coming to terms with an enormous trust placed in my hands and with the inevitable sense of inadequacy that goes with that." ---Rowan Williams

"Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice, and is never the result of selfishness." ---Napoleon Hill

The Thinner I Get, the Fatter I Become!

“Every person is responsible for his own looks after 40.” ---Abraham Lincoln

I continue to work on my program and myself. Since my break or timeout, I have lost nearly five pounds. I actually lost two-tenths of a pound on my escape to Las Vegas and the Mountains. Many people have made comments about how good I look or how well I am doing. The positive attention is nice and good for the ego and self-confidence. However, when I look in the mirror or see my reflection in glass as I approach a door, I am shocked. Literally, after losing more than 140 pounds with a mere 60 to go to goal or 85 to being the thinnest adult I have ever been… I am still in mirror shock!

The reflection does not lie. I am fat, just not as fat as I was. In the obesity scale, I have no idea where I currently reside; I do not have the heart to see that I still reside in morbidly obese territory. The weight I have lost has achieved one thing; I now look into mirrors that show more than my face. I learned long ago, to avoid becoming depressed that I needed to limit my mirror viewing to neck-up! Heck, most days I did not even know if my clothes matched. When you are more than 200-pounds over-weight, you hate mirrors and reflections.

Last week I was doing great and having a very good week. Rejuvenated from my trip and doing well on my program; I had received positive feedback from many people. Then, on Thursday, I am at the gas station filling my car’s tank. Suddenly, I watched a person walk into the convenience store and when the smoked glass door closed, I saw it. My entire reflection was looking right back at me. I became frozen with thoughts of shock. The entire week of feeling great was gone in one second of reflection reality. I am a fat person… still! Made me want to curse and throw something at the stupid door. Will I ever feel great about myself? Will I ever look at my body reflection and like what I see? Will I ever develop the confidence I need to continue my journey beyond weight loss? Will there ever come a day when I look into a mirror, glass door or a photograph of myself and not see a huge fat person?

Oddly, when I am in public I do not receive the glares and stares I used to get. According to the CDC 65% of adults in our nation are overweight and 31% are considered obese, which is 30 pounds or more over their healthy weight. I guess in the public’s eyes I am looking like the 31%, but in my eyes, I look like the 432-pound person I once was. I guess this all means one thing. I have more work to do on my body and my mind.

I hold faith and hope that I will arrive at the day when the man in the mirror meets the man in the room’s satisfaction. That one day the man in the room will love the man in the mirror.


"The best mirror is an old friend." ---Proverbs

Rejuvenated!

Sometimes it takes a vacation or time away to realize what you have been missing. I learned something very valuable during my time away. I really did not set out to learn anything, actually the opposite. I left to get away from everything and reconnect with my children and myself. Relax, recharge and rejuvenate was the mission. However, I learned a very valuable lesson on love. More specifically, I learned why relationships drift apart.

It really does come down to a verb.

Verb:
A: The part of speech that expresses existence, action, or occurrence in most languages.

I heard a talk where a person said they no longer loved their spouse. They added that they have lost the feeling of love for their spouse. The response was interesting and it was from Stephen Covey. He said that marriage love is a verb. The feeling of love is derived from the verb love. A verb is action oriented. Love is a verb and is action oriented, then developing and maintaining the feeling of love is done through action or service. He asked the person, have you done anything wonderful for your spouse lately? Have you serviced your spouse lately? He added, if you lose yourself in service to your spouse the feeling of love has only one direction and that is growth. The feeling of love will grow for your spouse when they see and receive the wonderful service you give. This acknowledgment of service usually will result in a loving response of affection and returned service. He concluded that losing one’s self in loving service to a spouse would result in a strong relationship of selfless love. We cherish and appreciate what we work hard to obtain. Working hard to serve your spouse will strengthen your bond and relationship.

I had the opportunity to listen to a man that was married for 75 years explain his success for marriage. He said, every night without missing a single night I simply told my wife, “Good night beautiful, I love you.” Even if she had me red-hot angry, I still spoke those words before I would drift off to sleep. It had a double effect on our relationship. It made her realize that I indeed loved her and I thought she was beautiful, even if she doubted her own beauty. In addition, it had a reaffirmation effect on me. It reaffirmed that I do love her and think that she is beautiful. On nights where we went to bed angry and I spoke those words, sometimes I heard no response. I did not over-react and just drifted off to sleep after speaking those words. The next day when we would speak for the first time she usually would be far more receptive and occasionally apologize, even if she had done nothing for apologizing. Those six simple words kept our marriage strong and difficult times from becoming more intensified. In tempting times of possible infidelity, those six words would always come to my mind. I realized that no lustful encounter would ever be as fulfilling as the relationship of my beautiful wife and children.


"It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving." ---Mother Teresa


"Spread love everywhere you go: first of all in your own house. Give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor... Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting." ---Mother Theresa