A Christmas to Remember

"A farmer who had a quarrelsome family called his sons and told them to lay a bunch of sticks before him. Then, after laying the sticks parallel to one another and binding them, he challenged his sons, one after one, to pick up the bundle and break it. They all tried, but in vain. Then, untying the bundle, he gave them the sticks to break one by one. This they did with the greatest ease. Then said the father, Thus, my sons, as long as you remain united, you are a match for anything, but differ and separate, and you are undone." ---Aesop Aesop

Today is Christmas day 2010. This day is ownership to a day of firsts. It is my first Christmas as a single man in 23 years. It is my first Christmas as a man of reasonable weight and not sporting a three or four as the first number on the scale. This day is the first Christmas that my beautiful children would experience as children from a broken home or broken family. Well, that is what it says on paper and according to court documents. The world points to my beautiful children and shouts that they are from a broken home. The world decrees that my beautiful children are from a broken family. Not on my watch, not as long as I am their father, not as long as I draw breathe upon this planet.

"In a broken nest there are few whole eggs." ---Chinese Proverbs

Earlier in the year my ex-wife suggested we do “one” Christmas for our children. However, as the days, weeks, months passed it became very clear that was not going to be possible. Of course, it is possible just not very desirable. After all, who wants to celebrate the biggest day of the year with those that have tossed you aside and left you in the rear view mirror? Who wants to celebrate with those that hurt you in the worst imaginable way? The answer to the “who” questions is the very person the day is marked to celebrate his birth.

"A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." ---Proverbs 15:13

If I am to be an example to my children and truly have their best interest at heart, is not my responsibility to place them before myself. Does it do anyone any good to sit in my home and celebrate with my children alone, only to watch them leave to attend another incomplete celebration? Therefore, after speaking with my ex-wife we decided to combine both celebrations and have “one” Christmas as a unified family unit. I can tell you this, for my part, it felt magical. We all laughed, smiled, joked and had a great time. My children were at ease and their smiles huge as they opened gifts. What was shaping up to be a Christmas of broken hearts and dreams, turned out to be a Christmas of mended hearts and new dreams born. A moment of pause for me came when my beautiful, handsome son, when realizing his father had invited his stepfather and seeing him enter the room where the Christmas tree stood with all the gifts; shouted his name and ran and gave him a hug. Just for a brief moment a thought passed through my mind, wait; should not my son hate this man? Of course not and as my son-opened gifts he would show both of his Man-buddies what he got. My boy was having a grand time with both of the men in his world coexisting and spending time together. It pleases me to see my son’s stepfather be so kind and warm to him.



My beautiful daughter had a passion and smile that will not soon be forgot. She was having a great time and having all three parents together and smiling, laughing, joking and enjoying the special day looked to be very healing for my daughter. When the gifts were opened, we convened to the kitchen/dining area where we would feast upon a quiche that I made for us all. Yes, I have a few kitchen skills and real men can eat and cook quiche. Cinnamon rolls followed the quiche. While we ate, we laughed, joked and smiled more. My son turning his nose up at the quiche and refusing to eat it garnered a few comments from the adults in the room. Suddenly, after the comments his stepfather made a comment. Talking to my son, he asks isn’t it tough having three parents? We laughed and I added, one day he may just have four. My son looks at us as we laugh and said not funny guys.





A Christmas to be remembered and one that I hope sets precedent that we can continue for many years to come. Broken family, broken home, broken dreams, broken promises, bleak future, I think not.

"One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world." ---Proverb Jewish Proverbs

"There is no friendship, no love, like that of the parent for the child." ---Henry Beecher

What Are You Prepared To Do

"Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us--and those around us -- more effectively. Look for the learning." ---Eric Allenbaugh

If there is something in life, you desire and you desire it with all of your heart, how do we obtain that which we want? The thing you want in your life can be anything and everything. It can be a job, car, house, weight loss, better attitude, a relationship with a person or the Lord, anything your mind decides it desires. In the past year, I have learned more than any other time in my life. It is though the veil has been pulled away from my face and I see clearly. I have learned that the finest things we desire in our lives do not come easy and requires that you go beyond to obtain that which you seek. It requires an extra effort or sacrifice to obtain the most desirable things we seek.

My weight loss for example is driven by my why and the fact that I eat far less than I used to and I choose much better food. The thing about my weight loss is that the more I exercise or the better the food choice the more weight I lose. If I go beyond my average effort, I obtain better results. Now, this applies to about everything we can imagine. Look back on your life at things you have desired or wanted to make part of your life. Did it just come to you freely, did it take great effort, or some sacrifice to make it happen.

In one of my top twenty favorite movies, Kevin Costner and Sean Connery in the Untouchables, Sean Connery asks Costner what are you prepared to do to get Capone. He responds, everything within the law. Sean then says, and then what are you prepared to do? In other words to get one of the biggest crime leaders in the world they would have to go beyond that of the average person and beyond what they imagined. The finest things, the most valuable things, the most precious things, the most desirable things in our lives require efforts beyond average. Many times these things also require sacrifice. Sacrifice is the difficult one to digest. Anyone can give additional effort, but to give up something to achieve or obtain something else is daunting.

Is it possible to go beyond and obtain that which you so desire and retain that which you have? I have no idea and currently I am researching it greatly. Typically, when you want something or desire something, you usually have to give something up to achieve or obtain it. If you want to read a book, you have to watch less television. If you want to lose weight, you have to give up donuts, pastries, etc. If you want a new car, you have to give up the extra spending money. If you want a new job or career, you have to give up the old one. If you want to strengthen your relationship with the Lord, you have to give up sin. If you want to find and develop new love, you have to let go of old love and hurt. If you want to reside in a new location, you have to move away from your current location.

"Choosing goals that are important to you is one of the most essential things you can do in order to live your dreams." ---Les Brown

I guess this leads me to the end question. How does one live the life they desire without leaving behind the life they have? What If you desire a new life and surroundings, but do not want to leave all you have behind? What if you love to sail the oceans, but like having access to the shore and land. What if you find something so amazing and wonderful you have to be part of it, but many things you already posses are wonderful and amazing. Is it possible to go to a new career, new residence, new surroundings, and new positive, enthusiastic, inspiring, empowering support group of people around you and retain that which you love in your current life? If you have an answer to this question please comment. Is it possible to have the best of both worlds… new and old?

"We're worn into grooves by Time by our habits. In the end, these grooves are going to show whether we've been second rate or champions, each in his way in dispatching the affairs of every day. By choosing our habits, we determine the grooves into which Time will wear us; and these are grooves that enrich our lives and make for ease of mind, peace, happiness achievement." ---Frank B. Gilberth

"The thing that counts most in the pursuit of happiness is choosing the right companion." ---Source Unknown

"This one step -- choosing a goal and sticking to it -- changes everything." ---Scott Reed

Hallelujah

"Patience and perseverance have a magical affect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish." ---John Quincy Adams

Our lives are filled with challenges, trials, difficulties, disasters, and the occasional crisis. It is these experiences and the way we react or our actions that define us. Heartbreak, sorrow and sadness without them we would not know joy, love, happiness and optimism. The thing about the difficult times is that in time and with patience, they always turn back to the good and happy times. When we are experiencing these difficult times, it seems like we will never climb out. Then one day something happens or someone comes along and it raises you. It raises you from the ashes of despair that were once glorious moments.

I am grateful for my trials and difficulties as they have educated me and allowed me to peak inside myself and find what I am truly capable of overcoming. Today a woman asked me how I lost so much weight. She continued with the occasional tear that she has been on a yo-yo type of weight loss cycle for 20 years and is now the heaviest ever. She was firm in her request of my secret. I looked at her and said, I know your tears. My secret is this, live one day at a time. Have more good days than bad days and walk. Again, she asked for my secret weight loss program. Again, I repeated; live one day at a time and walk. She said, no what did you do to lose all that weight I want to know your secret. I said I just told you my secret. I added, develop a strong why for why you want to lose weight. Then simply live one day at a time and make sure you have more good days than bad days. Exercise and drink plenty of fluids and in time we reverse the damage we did. It really is that simple. The mental part is where we have the difficulty. The most important thing to remember regardless of our trials and difficulties is to do your best. Do your best, love yourself and let your light shine.

Lyrics:
I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

"Let this be understood, then, at starting; that the patient conquest of difficulties which rise in the regular and legitimate channels of business and enterprise is not only essential in securing the success which you seek but it is essential to that preparation of your mind, requisite for the enjoyment of your successes, and for retaining them when gained. So, day by day, and week by week; so month after month, and year after year, work on, and in that process gain strength and symmetry, and nerve and knowledge, that when success, patiently and bravely worked for, shall come, it may find you prepared to receive it and keep it." ---Josiah Gilbert Holland

"Difficult times always create opportunities for you to experience more love in your life." ---Barbara de Angelis

Christmas Shopping Experience

"The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has" ---Alan Ashley-Pitt

I think it has been ten years since I went Christmas shopping. Sure, I ran shopping errands here and there to a store to get something, but have not gone to multiple stores in one single outing for a long time. I had an unusual experience out there, nothing really happened to me, however; I observed a great deal going on. My first stop was the post office. Important safety tip here; avoid the US Post Office the second to last Saturday before Christmas. It was nasty in there and the line stretched way out the door. All I wanted to do was purchase postage for a Priority Mail envelope and even the postage ATM had a long line. I patiently waited and got my business done and then walked out to my car. Once outside I witnessed two vehicles racing for one open spot and they collided. The occupants jumped out and started yelling at each other and others called the police before it escalated.

The next mission took me to a Walmart Supercenter in my town. I pulled into the parking lot and wondered aloud if the entire city was here. This place was packed and once inside it was obviously filled with impatient and frantic shoppers. Vintage Walmart, they had thousands of customers and six registers open and long lines. Yuck, and I bailed out on that scene rather quickly.

Off to a local bookstore to get a young man and myself a book. I could not find this book so I asked a young woman if they had this book. She looked at me and said, how would I know. She was standing at the computer where they look such things up. Perhaps the computer was non-operational I thought to myself. I finally found a young man that was stocking shelves, he guided me to the book, and it was available on cd, read by the author. I grabbed two of the books on compact disc to load onto my I-pod Touch. I highly recommend this book to any man or young man. Although it is based on my religious beliefs, it has excellent information on becoming a man that makes a positive, inspirational impact on the world. The title is Men of Valor by Robert J. Millet, I have listened to the majority of this book on my I-pod Touch already, and I found many great things of value there. One chapter speaks of how a man overcame his trials and how he dealt with them. While the individual portrayed in the book is of far greater character, I found that he and I have traveled parallel roads. We have dealt with our difficulties and trials in a very similar method. I wish I would have known of this book long ago and not traveled the road of trial and error so frequently.

However, my Christmas shopping adventure continues. My next stop was a convenience store to get a forbidden treat. Okay, it is not really forbidden, however; I am sure it is not good for me. I have broken this habit many times in my life, only to return and as I indulged, found a smile on my face. This habit is my beloved Coke Zero. As I walked into the convenience store, I noticed a woman approaching the door from inside with her hands full. I opened the door and waited for her to pass through to the outside. As she passed, she smiled and said thank you. I started to go inside when this woman turns around and slightly shouts out to me. She says do you know you are the first person to hold a door open for me in at least five years. I gave that some thought, we are in such a hurry-up world. I see people go in and out of convenience stores all the time and they never look behind them or pause for a second to hold the door for others. Such a simple thing to do and I have found an excellent way to see someone smile.

My shopping experience would end parked outside a Bed Bath and Beyond. I sat outside in my car looking at the store. It is, as I feared a place where no single men were shopping. A wife, girlfriend or family accompanied the men that were going in and coming out. I thought this does not look comfortable as a single man to go shopping in this store. I needed a gift from this store and I had a coupon. Now, as single income home, one does not so easily discard coupons. Prepare for battle I thought as I climbed out of my car. I stood took a deep breath of that famous winter inversion, smog filled air. I looked ahead at the entrance, pulled my shoulders back, chest out, and chin up. I vaulted for the door and as I entered, I was shocked to be very pleasantly surprised the entire store had a very nice citrus smell to it. As I browsed the store with an intimidated feeling, I suddenly realized this store was filled with gorgeous women Christmas shopping. Many of these lovely women were not wearing wedding bands. Instantly the intimidated feeling of being in a woman’s world was replaced with the feeling of shopping for a date. Then my thoughts turned to other stores. My goodness I have stumbled onto a secret hidden from men for years. These female oriented stores are filled with, well, females. I thought of other stores I could visit to browse the women of the world. Briefly, I entertained the thought of Victoria’s Secret. Hey, I am man and I follow my shallow thoughts on their field trips frequently. Then common sense kicked in and I realized hanging out and browsing a woman’s under garment and lingerie store could be a little over the top. Thank goodness, I came out of shallow and back to the confused state of mind, I reside.

I ended my shopping experience there and decided to stop for the day. I learned a great deal during my shopping experience. The post office is a demolition derby and they need additional help and perhaps some Kiosks to handle the crowd. Walmart should be quarantined and the doors locked for good. Bookstore clerks have issues. Convenience stores are a good place to get dental work realigned when the door smacks you in the face. There are many great places in my city to go flirt, smile and browse the beautiful women of this world all while doing a little shopping. However, my most valuable experience on this day was the realization of one single thought. Online shopping is awesome!

"Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously." ---Og Mandino

"The aim of life is some way of living, as flexible and gentle as human nature; so that ambition may stoop to kindness, and philosophy to condor and humor. Neither prosperity nor empire nor heaven can be worth winning at the price of a virulent temper, bloody hands, an anguished spirit, and a vain hatred of the rest of the world." ---George Santayana

Certainly Uncertain

"The remarkable thing is that it is the crowded life that is most easily remembered. A life full of turns, achievements, disappointments, surprises, and crises is a life full of landmarks. The empty life has even its few details blurred, and cannot be remembered with certainty." ---Eric Hoffer

Life’s journey and building a life by design has many twists and turns. I know where I am headed and what must be done to get there. In addition, I was about to seriously stomp on the accelerator and travel down the road full speed ahead. Then life does something that makes you slam on the brakes and come to a complete stop, if just for a moment. That moment happened for me this past week. Building my life by design from the ground up, leaving the negative behind and replacing it with positive and amazing is challenging at times. In addition, sometimes people in your life, the amazing, positive people you desire to have as part of your designed life; do things that make you see a clear picture that perhaps they do not want to be part of your designed life. I have concluded that not everyone wants to be part of my designed life and that is great. I admire their positive energy; I will include them in my life at whatever level they will tolerate.

Last week I had everything mapped out and then I had a semi unpleasant experience in which I came to the realization that the path I was headed down, did not necessarily want me to come speeding down their street. Then as if by fate and still speeding in that truck of life down the road. Something happened that made me slam on the brakes. I experience an encounter of the most unexpected type. I reasoned my truck is full and I have my plan mapped out. However, I believe that the Lord does have a plan for each of us and although he wants us to discover and work for it; every now and then he hits you in the head to stop you and make you look around. Well, look I have and I like what I see, but it is complicated beyond anything I have encountered. Stopped, standing in the middle of the street and looking with amazement; I wonder aloud the possibilities. Why would I feel this, why would I have everything mapped out so thoroughly only to have this cross my path. Is it possible that I have no idea what I want or desire in my designed life. Then again I wonder, perhaps this is the Lord knocking me back to that fork in the road, giving me the chance to take the correct road. Once again, I realize that without the Lord’s guidance it is impossible for me to build the proper, quality-laden life of design. However, I have decided to pull the truck over out of harms way. I will look, explore and pray about why my intended path is being challenged. Why has a wonderful feeling and experience caused me to slam on the brakes. Building a life by design requires thought and at times slowing down. Making sure, you do not leave behind that which truly will empower you and make you the best person you can be and accomplish all that is possible.

I will continue with my weight loss journey and aim to hit my end goal in late January or early February. Phase 2 will be slowed and as I work on it, I will continue to explore the reason I slammed on the brakes. It feels right, special, amazing and worth exploring. A life by design, instead of default is definitely worth stopping to smell the flowers and examine the beautiful garden. After all, if it is not exactly what I thought it would be, I can always hop back in the truck and slam on the accelerator. However, take time to smell the flowers and visually absorb the garden. Do not be in such a rush that you miss the most amazing things that will enhance your life and the life of those around you.

"If we begin with certainties, we shall end in doubts; but if we begin with doubts, and are patient in them, we shall end in certainties." ---Francis Bacon

"It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull." ---H. L. Mencken

"The one unchangeable certainty is that nothing is unchangeable or certain." ---John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Exercise and Optimism

"Be an optimist -- at least until they start moving animals in pairs to Cape Canaveral." ---Source Unknown

I have come to the realization that my optimism, confidence and enthusiasm are linked to my exercise. It seems they are attached together. Recently, I suffered a pulled calf muscle and it would not heal. I took two weeks off my exercise routing to allow it to heal. I experienced a myriad of emotions during those two weeks. My stress levels increased and my smiles decreased. I am so excited that exercise is something that I now crave. Wait a minute; did I just say I crave exercise? My heavens how far the man that could not walk up the stairs of a movie theater without stopping for rest has come. This morning I did a small workout on my treadmill and while the calf muscle is tender it held up and the three miles was a bit tiring. I have taken two weeks off and it was somewhat hard to get back into it. However, as the day progressed; I had increased energy, stress levels decreased, and my optimism increased. It felt so good I am going to head down to the treadmill once again this evening for a second round. I hope that the calf muscle will hold up.

I remember as if it was yesterday those first steps at Snap Fitness on the treadmill. I started and I could not catch my breath, my legs were burning and hurting and I looked at the timer. I had been walking for a total of two-minutes and twenty seconds. I had to stop because my head was pounding, my breathing labored and my legs in pain and near collapse. Two-minutes and twenty seconds that were filled with pain and would begin a journey that would change my life forever. I must admit, I did not want to return to Snap Fitness. The next day I was sore and I sat in my car outside Snap Fitness. I dreaded going in to relive the pain and suffering. Quickly I made a mental list of pros and cons. It was a decisive moment for me and for the rest of my life. I am grateful that the list of pros won over my mind and I slowly climbed out of my car and limped into the center.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." ---Lao-tzu

In the future, I look forward to one day finding a companion that will walk this journey with me. Side by side, we will workout together building a wonderful, physical and mental relationship. Exercise clears the mind, energizes and builds confidence. In addition, it builds strength and when we are physically strong, we are strong in many other areas of our life. I admit I am jealous of those couples I see working out together. They seem to have a very close relationship.

I am so grateful that the Lord blessed me with the strength to get out of the car for that second day. Four-hundred-thirty-two pounds, two-minutes, and twenty seconds went to battle. I am so grateful that the two-minutes, twenty seconds won the day. Since that fateful day, I have done as much as thirteen miles in a single walking/jogging session.

Exercise is the key to a vibrant, healthy and passionate life. It really does build confidence and energize you for the rest of the day. I look forward to exercising for the rest of my life.

"Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something special in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger." ---Christian D. Larsen

"Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence and nothing too much." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recommit

"The achievement of your goal is assured the moment you commit yourself to it." ---Mack R. Douglas

I have taken the past week and lived a near normal life in terms of food and beverage. Unfortunately, I have not been able to work out as I am nursing a pulled calf muscle. I have done light walking on the treadmill but have had to limit my walking and stretching to allow this little annoyance to heal. During the week, my food choices were good, but I did indulge in some bad choices. I had a few desserts, okay… several pieces of Thanksgiving pie over the past few days, a little pizza, chicken sandwich from Wendy’s and the mother of all bad foods… Movie Theater Popcorn. The saltiness of these foods has me holding a whopping ten pounds of fluid. I know this because of the finger-ring test. Although, I no longer possess a wedding band to test this theory, I do have the vein marker. Just a week ago the veins in the top of my hand and forearm were very pronounced and visible. Today they are somewhat sunken and not so visible. My hands and feet seem to be slightly swollen and it is the salt and retention of water that does this.

I am on vacation for the next nine days and shall once again recommit to my program. I will make a disciplined and conscious effort for no bad food choices for the next two weeks. I aim to lose the ten pounds of fluid retention and lose at least four more pounds before I board an airplane and head to warm climate. I shall board an airplane in frozen Salt Lake City and on December 14th, I will fly South East and land in the beautiful state of Florida. I will spend a few days warming up and getting to know a friend I find very inspiring. It should be the perfect, relaxing, warm environment to unwind and smile. Then I will return to Utah for Christmas with my beautiful children and celebrate with family.

The next three to six months of my life are extremely important. It is within these next three to six months that I begin to lay the foundation for the rest of my life. It is within these three to six months that my journey begins to take on phase two. In the next three or four months, I should be at or very near my weight loss goals and then we transition into a lifetime maintenance program. I am excited and optimistic for the next three to six months. I see great challenges and additional trials already stacking up, but these will define my legacy and me. It is within these additional challenges that I see and know are coming that will prove or disprove if I am emotionally ready for the journey. My choices over the months to come will hopefully determine a life filled with passion, love of life, financial security, amazing relationships, inspiration and compassion. I told a friend today that in order to live the life we desire, we must clean up the life we made. I choose to do it with kindness, calmness, patience, understanding and compassion.

Once again, I stand in a position of redefining my why. My why is what propels me to do the difficult. My why has to be constantly adapting to remain strong and powerful. As we progress and reach mini goals, we must change our why to propel or push us to reach new goals. Losing 200 pounds requires that your why changes frequently to create urgency and powerful visions. The past week of backing off my program and exercise was enjoyable, however; I realize that if we are not constantly moving forward, we begin falling backward. I lived the past, it was not what I thought it was going to be. Now, it is time to keep moving forward and design, plan and create the present and future. Keep moving forward with ever changing goals and the why to propel you to those goals. Be mindful of the past, live by design in the present; enjoy the life you design in the future.

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now." ---Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"A person with half volition goes backwards and forwards, but makes no progress on even the smoothest of roads." ---Thomas Carlyle

"All great masters are chiefly distinguished by the power of adding a second, a third, and perhaps a fourth step in a continuous line. Many a man had taken the first step. With every additional step you enhance immensely the value of your first." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanksgiving

"Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character." ---Author Unknown, from Be Thankful

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." ---Albert Schweitzer

I wanted to take this opportunity to list just a few things I am extremely grateful for in my life. It has been an eventful year, one filled with great joy, terrific triumphs, amazing encounters and even excruciating trials. Sitting here at my computer, looking back on the entire year, even my life thus far, I have a smile ear to ear. I am a blessed man and have so much to be grateful for in my life.

I am grateful that I continued my journey and that I lost an amazing 110 pounds this year alone. This brings the weight loss total to this date at 202 pounds and the journey continues. I feel younger; have not been this healthy since I was twenty years old. I like myself in the mirror again and continue to like myself more every day. I am thankful that through my trials and my successes that I stayed the course and I righted the ship after each deviation from the journey. I am so thankful that people all around me have supported me and encouraged me.

"There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else. I don't care how great, how famous or successful a man or woman may be, each hungers for applause." ---George M. Adams

I am thankful for my family. If you ever want to know what family means to you, just put yourself into a crisis. Honestly, without family involvement I am not so sure I could have survived the devastating trials I experienced this year. I am so grateful for my children and the love and joy they add to my life. I am thankful for my friends, all of them. Many of my friends stepped up, made life easier and tolerable during my trials, and assisted me in continuing my journey. I am very thankful for my neighbors, church members, extended family, and friends for reaching out and in some way touching my life in a positive manner. I want to name every one of you individually, but this entry would be many, many pages long. With friends like Shanna, Jenny, Brady, Helen, Wendy (Both of you), Kristen, Greg, Rene, Julie, Uarda, Marni, Alan, Troy, Scott (SRP), Max, Anthony, and the beautiful, inspiring Monique, I was certain that the Lord sent me an all-star team of angels. So many more played such a huge role in my survival and empowered me to become a better man. I am eternally grateful to you all.

"The best advisers, helpers and friends, always are not those who tell us how to act in special cases, but who give us, out of themselves, the ardent spirit and desire to act right, and leave us then, even through many blunders, to find out what our own form of right action is." ---Phillips Brooks

I am very thankful for the amazing life I have had and for a kind and generous Heavenly Father. I am thankful that I continue to push forward and continue the journey. I am thankful that I have experienced the trials I have had in my life. These trials have made me a better Man, Son of God, Father, Neighbor, Co-Worker, Employee, Friend, and one day a better Husband for a beautiful, brilliant woman walking this earth somewhere. I am grateful that my passions and desires stay intact and I look toward the future with great optimism and excitement. I am thankful that this year I kept my integrity and honesty in tact. I am thankful that the Lord found me and in doing so, I found him.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I am extremely thankful that I have the ability to Laugh, Love, Live. I am thankful that I continue to learn and grow daily and continue the journey to… Live It By Design.

"So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good." ---Helen Keller

"Give us grace and strength to forbear and to persevere. Give us courage and gaiety and the quiet mind, spare to us our friends, soften to us our enemies." ---Robert Louis Stevenson

Harry Potter and the Healing Powers

"Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it." ---Tori Amos

Many days in a person’s life tend to stand out above the average day. I know I have several days that are special to me. Saturday November 20, 2010 is a day that I hope will be just such a day for my beautiful children and myself. On this day, I took my beautiful children to the newest installment of the Harry Potter franchise and I invited my ex-wife and her new husband to attend. We attended this movie as a family of “one”. Recent events in my beautiful daughter’s life have taught this man that there are far more important things in life than my own feelings or hurt feelings. Counselors have explained to me that if it is possible to move forward as a unified family unit, that the impact of divorce and split homes, lives, friends and activities have a far less impact on our children.

However, let us be honest; it is difficult to achieve this after a divorce. In a divorce, even one with no fighting or arguing such as ours, it still does not end with inspiration and original love intact. When one party chooses to move on, while the other wishes to keep the family in tact and do what ever is necessary to repair the relationship; it can be stressful for everyone. Regardless of what has happened in a long relationship, I believe that two people should do everything possible to work things out, especially when children are involved. I do not judge my ex-wife, her husband nor do I hold any grudge for their actions that led to the collapse of our marriage. It happens and the person that says it could never happen to them simply has not been tempted in the most seductive ways. I would like to think that my integrity is such that I would never compromise my integrity or myself. However, I can only think that as I have never been married and been tempted by infidelity. Mostly, because I never got close to other women during my marriage, I always kept a distance.

My marriage was nowhere near perfect and we should have been in counseling years earlier. There were outside influences of the worst type and it made loving each other the way we desired nearly impossible. However, we had and continue to have a deep friendship for each other, although it is strained at this point. We produced two of the most amazing, beautiful children you can imagine. A dear friend from Florida asked me if I had any good times in my lengthy marriage. At the time, I could not think of one event or moment that was enjoyable. However, that was from a man that was once again running through the thoughts of divorce, not the marriage. Hearing the woman you dedicated your life to, envisioned growing old with say she had a new best friend and lover, and it is not you; can leave a lasting impression. There were many great times in our marriage and I remember her innocence with great joy. My ex-wife, the mother of my children, is a beautiful woman and an incredible human. I believe she made an incorrect decision, but she did what she felt was best for her. Sadly, I hoped she would make the decision that was best for our family.

When the events of two weeks ago came to my attention, that my beautiful daughter was suffering a great loss, I realized that these events had a major impact on more than just the married couple’s life. My daughter was suffering her parents’ failure. I knew that she was angry, hurt, felt betrayed and even resentful as she feels she is being replaced by the upcoming birth of her mother’s third child, this one with her new husband. These are all valid feelings and one that needs professional assistance. I immediately arranged for this professional help. Then as any parent would do, at least I hope they would. I placed my own feelings, hurt aside, and moved my own healing onto the fast track. This young woman is at an impressionable age and now is the time to save her from horrible decisions of her own. I asked her counselor if it would help if her parents were operating as a single unit, including the new stepfather. The answer was as I thought that it has a far less impact and speeds healing if both homes and occupants were harmonious with one another. A very huge task indeed lay before me. Accept the new marriage, let go of the hurt, pain and humiliation and move forward with love and acceptance.

I have always tried to teach my children that the best and most successful way to live life is with the philosophy of FFE. FFE is an acronym for Forgive, Forget, Embrace. I asked myself if I was practicing what I teach. I was not living the philosophy and was allowing my own hurt to keep a distance from the married couple. However, I knew in time that I would not stay in this state long term. My daughter’s fragile condition made me realize that I could not afford to remain hurt or distant. It was up to me to bring this family together, whether the newly married couple was ready for it or not. Therefore, the invite was sent to my ex-wife. I did not hear back, so I sent the invite once again. This time the invite was accepted and history for this family was about to be made. That history took place On November 20, 2010 at the Megaplex Theater at the Gateway in Salt Lake City, Utah. It is the first of hopefully many steps towards reconciliation and a new friendship. The smiles on my children’s faces said it all. In fact, I could see the healing right before my eyes. I could feel my daughter’s tension ease and her gentleness and smile return. She has a long way to go and many feelings and issues to resolve, but on this day, she began her healing. Her parents were at peace, even though we were not at war before this day, we certainly were not at peace. Forgive, Forget, Embrace, difficult to do at times, but infinitely rewarding for yourself and all those around you.

"When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing." ---Rabindranath Tagore

"The only work that will ultimately bring any good to any of us is the work of contributing to the healing of the world." ---Marianne Williamson

Introducing the Hurley/Roberts Family (Not Pictured Baby Roberts Under Construction)

My Choices

"Every choice moves us closer to or farther away from something. Where are your choices taking your life? What do your behaviors demonstrate that you are saying yes or no to in life?" ---Eric Allenbaugh

Our life is a mirror of our choices. We literally define ourselves by our daily choices. I find it amazing that we have the ability to determine our tomorrow. I realize that our tomorrow is not decided by a choice we make today, but metaphorically speaking, our tomorrow is decided by the choices we make today. One bad food day does not make you fat tomorrow. However, many bad food days does make you fat in the future. The power of our choices crosses over to all areas of our life.

I remember when I purchased my first car. A young eighteen years and feeling invincible, I purchased a small two-seater sports car. Driving the car was great fun and I had many great times in that car with friends and dates. Four years later that car would prove to me that choices make a difference in our lives later. That choice in vehicles did not come without a price to pay. Because it was so fun to drive and it was fun to drive fast, I had many citations. I remember having so many citations that I was informed if I received one more citation, my license would be revoked. Listen I did not, young dumb and invincible I was. One evening while driving back to Southern Utah to get back for early Monday classes at Dixie State College, I flew past Fillmore Utah doing 105 according to the Highway Patrol Officer. Remember the speed limit in those days was 55, like Sammy Hagar, I can’t drive 55! The officer sat in his car for an eternity and then he slowly approached my vehicle with my citation. However, when he reached my window he informed me he had to impound the vehicle and hold me over-night until I could meet with the Judge on Monday morning. I watched my sporty car be towed away and I received a first class ride in a Utah Highway Patrol car to the Fillmore justice center. I asked the officer where I was staying the night. He smiled and said Fillmore jail. I was not booked or finger printed, but was led to my very own jail cell. He said you can sleep there and as long as you behave and stay put, I will not lock you in. I can tell you I listened this time and I stayed put.

The morning came and I was escorted to Fillmore Court where I would meet the judge. The Judge was a nice guy, I guess, however I was scared to death. He looked over the paper work and then looked at me. He looked at the paper work before him again and then he looked at me once again. Then, he looked at me and said Todd I am confused. You have no criminal record, look like a clean-cut law abiding citizen. What part of no more citations did you not understand? My response was one of profound wisdom. I said they were serious about that. I thought they liked citation revenue and as long as I pay the citation, why should it matter how many citations I receive? Did I mention I was young, dumb and invincible? He looked at me with a blank expression and then burst into laughter. He said Todd you made my day, I am very happy you sped past our town. I am going to give you a break, I will let you be on your way after you pay your citation, promise to quit speeding, and go with this Highway Patrol Officer for a two hour class. What a cool judge I thought to myself. Then I learned the citation took my food and gasoline budget for the next three months. After-wards, the class I was so fortunate to attend. It was me and Officer Never Smile in a small room looking at the worst Utah crashes, complete with graphic photos of those that did not survive. It would be years before I drove above 60mph. In addition, as soon as I could I traded that car in for a four-door Nissan Maxima.

Yes, our choices make a very big difference in our lives down the road. The smallest bad choice, if repeated, can have very bad consequences down the road. I aim to choose well today, that my future tomorrow will be amazing. I am doing my best in food choices and health choices. I am diligently attempting to make the best possible choices in surrounding myself with the best people I know or meet. I learned today that one man living right in the eyes of the Lord and doing all that is possible to help others, makes an enormous impact on this Earth. I have visualized my future tomorrow and I love what I see. It is my hope that you do the same.

"The typical human life seems to be quite unplanned, undirected, unlived, and unsavored. Only those who consciously think about the adventure of living as a matter of making choices among options, which they have found for themselves, ever establish real self-control and live their lives fully." ---Karl Albrecht

"There's a need for accepting responsibility - for a person's life and making choices that are not just ones for immediate short-term comfort. You need to make an investment, and the investment is in health and education." ---Buzz Aldrin

That's It! No More Obese Friends!

"Things are seldom what they seem." ---W. S. Gilbert

I know a horrible, insensitive title. However, that is just what the study-released reveals. It reveals that obese individuals are likely to have obese friends. Of course, they have twisted the results to appear that if you are thin and have an obese friend, you can expect midnight binge eating in your near future. Seriously, studies are so flawed. Obese friends do not make their non-obese friends obese. However, I do believe that obese people are more likely to chum around with another obese person for the obvious reasons.

http://www.usatoday.com/yourlife/food/diet-nutrition/2010-11-05-obese05_ST_N.htm

Now, if you talk about obese families and children, perhaps there is a correlation with obese parents and obese children. I believe there may be some truth to that observation. Children will most likely pick up their parents habits.

I have not been very consistent with my blog entries as of late. I guess that happens when you try to rebuild a life. My journey was to be weight loss, new career and take my family to new heights. Then a twenty-two year marriage ends in a less than spectacular way and it leaves you searching your soul and your life. I have no anger or animosity about my divorce, but it did leave my life in a state of confusion. The holidays are fast approaching and it will be difficult. This will be difficult not only for me, but for my beautiful children as well.

I am very excited that through my personal difficulties that I did not turn to food as a drug. Instead, I stayed focused and continued to eat properly and get exercise. I really am excited for the future. I have met some amazing people in my pursuit of living by design. In twenty-five days, I will be on an airplane headed to meet one of the most inspirational people to which I have ever spoken. It will do my spirit good to get away for a few days and just be in a warm climate. Enjoying the sights, sounds and passionate, enthusiastic, positive people.

The weight loss challenge is going well and winding down. Only one week left and I am in second place. This is where I will finish, as the leader is 5% of his body weight lost ahead of me. He has done remarkable and my congratulations are in order. He got off to a fast start, first week on a diet and then he stayed focused. I matched him in weight loss after the first week, but that first week he lost a ton of weight. I am not disappointed; I have lost 7% of my body weight after ten weeks. I am eager to see how the final two weigh-in turn out for me. I would love to hit the 10% of body weight lost.

"To live we must conquer incessantly, we must have the courage to be happy." ---Henri Frederic Amiel

"First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you." ---Rob Gilbert

Passion and Enthusiasm are Contagious

"Fill your life with as many moments and experiences of joy and passion as you humanly can. Start with one experience and build on it." ---Wieder Marcia

Have you ever met someone whose attitude and enthusiasm is contagious? A person that you are drawn to be near. An individual that makes you smile and feel good? Someone that is so enthusiastic and positive, you believe you can accomplish anything. If you remember the late Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter), he was just that type of person. Looking back on his career, I wonder if he did not have passion and enthusiasm if he would have been successful at all. Passion and enthusiasm can carry you a long way in this life. It is something others are drawn to and want to be near. It also allows others to be at ease and allow their own passions to come out.

If I had to narrow down a successful, happy life to any single trait, it would be passion. Throw in a positive attitude and enthusiasm and you have a very powerful combination. This combination is hard to ignore and usually will get you further in life. Passion is so powerful that it can overcome other weaknesses. Approaching life and all situations with passion brings happiness. Imagine if tomorrow you woke and decided to live your life with passion, regardless of your situation. Even getting up early, or going to a less than desirable job now appears less unpleasant.

When I began this journey, I realized that I wanted more than anything to live a passionate life. I want to be a Steve Irwin in my own life. I desire to be the one people are drawn to and want to be near. I want my beautiful children to see a passionate father that loves them and life. I desire them to see I am passionate, enthusiastic, positive and full of life. As I continue to move towards this goal, I find I am in a happier place and enjoy life more.

"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark." ---Henri Frederic Amiel

"Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm." ---Samuel Taylor Coleridge


JL Steve Irwin 2005 interview
Uploaded by Cactus_Chef. - Click for more funny videos.

How the Heck do I get to my Heaven on Earth?

“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?” ---Author Unknown

I know exactly what I want and what will make my life the Heaven I always wanted. I was at the local mall twice this past weekend and nowhere was it sitting on a shelf for purchase. I find it a bit surreal that I am actually shopping in a regular mall again. I find this odd for many reasons. First, I only went to malls in post High School days and early College days to check out the young women. Now, these young women and the young men checking them out seem stupid. Good heavens, was I like that as an 18-22 year-old? I was getting my handsome son his Birthday gift when a young man said to a cute young woman he was following, “Like, the color of your bra strap is really hot.” Yes, her bra strap was showing as so many young women do today. It was reddish, maroon color and if that is your color, perhaps it was hot. Second, I really do not like shopping alone unless it is Home Depot, Car Dealerships or Electronics stores. Those three are my favorites and my weaknesses. I really do not want someone with me that is going to rain on my parade with a big, no-no-no, put it back, you cannot have it. The largest reason I cannot believe I am shopping in the mall again. I have not been able to purchase clothes from a regular department store for nearly twenty years. It is great fun to try things on and realize I fit into clothes right off the regular rack. My goodness how sad it is how far the mighty have fallen. Did I, a dude, just say I love to try things on? Unfortunately, I confess to this ugly new habit. I am so stinking tickled I can wear clothes from a regular men’s section in a department store, that I want to try everything on just so I can laugh in the dressing room. Just a week ago at Macy’s an employee heard me giggling behind the door and asked if everything was okay? Can we say uncomfortable, especially when I walked out alone.

Now, I know what I want and I want it quickly. However, how do we get what we want with no roadmap or without continued struggles? I have found that when you focus in on what you want that life then will open the gates and obstacles come at you at light speed. My heaven is sitting in front of me and it will take great efforts, a little self-created luck, and cooperation from a few amazing people, love and passion. Not to mention a gargantuan belief in myself, Ironman Skin, persistence, unyielding integrity and honesty, Mars to sustain life, and Heck to freeze over. However, it is possible.

I know the people, I know the career, I know the place, I know the desired outcome. Now, how do I bring it all home and win the day? This is a daily educational event as I learn just how to navigate my way to the chosen life, the life of living by design. Some mornings I wake wondering if I am worthy or adequate. Then I remember that God wants us to live a life by design. In doing so, you become the person that he wants you to be. Living by design creates passion, love, generosity, kindness, compassion, and everlasting happiness. The path to living by design is blocked by many things. We must fight or push our way through these obstacles. The past two decades for me, I felt like I was chained to a torture wall in the hottest room in hell. Losing the weight and the negative influences in my life has been liberating. Now, how the hell do I get to my heaven here on Earth? I build it, one day at a time, one perfect, precious person at a time.

"To everyone is given the key to heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell." ---Ancient Proverb

"The aim of life is some way of living, as flexible and gentle as human nature; so that ambition may stoop to kindness, and philosophy to condor and humor. Neither prosperity nor empire nor heaven can be worth winning at the price of a virulent temper, bloody hands, an anguished spirit, and a vain hatred of the rest of the world." ---George Santayana

Sent it Packing!

"Resolve that whatever you do, you will bring the whole man to it; that you will fling the whole weight of your being into it." ---Orison Swett Marden

I weighed in today at work for the weight loss challenge. I am still in second place by a good margin and well behind the leader. He is doing amazing and I am so excited for him. There are three weeks remaining and in order to move into first place I would have to lose an estimated 4.9 pounds per week the final three weeks. This would put my total percentage of body weight lost near his weekly average and what I predict he will finish with. Certainly not impossible, however at this late hour in my journey it would take a monumental effort and perhaps not the safest effort. I discovered I have a nasal infection and recovering from an abscess tooth. I am on a very strong antibiotic to combat both of these problems and the Doctor and Pharmacist both said, eat food with these antibiotics.

The good news of the day is that all my Vegas souvenirs are gone. In addition, I lost an additional 1.8 pounds for the week, since my last weigh-in. Of course, it was mostly water weight (the Vegas gain) as suspected as having a 10 pound turnaround in a matter of four days is extreme.

Our company had a healthy assessment day and they did fitness, weight, blood lab work and blood pressure. The woman in charge quietly pulled me aside and said you had a great year. You have lost 120 pounds since last October. That is great news and I am more than happy to hear that.

I am thinking on going to South Carolina in November with my Producer Friend Scott. He is the producer for a new film being made in South Carolina and has invited me to be on set and take part in this filming. I originally started schooling to get into this industry, more on a writing level than producing, directing level. I hope I can make it come together with time off, finances and Scott is feeling well enough to take on a roomy. It could be the experience of a lifetime... oh, one other thing is there is someone I want to meet just a seven hour drive away in Florida. An experience of a lifetime if my employer will cooperate. I am off the week following Thanksgiving, but I think I would need time off before this date. I will keep you updated on this matter as it becomes more clear.

"These two truths are the same in weight and importance. Accept and love WHO and WHERE you are now, and all good things shall find you there." ---Source Unknown

"Paula Poundstone: I'm not keeping canned goods in my apartment for an earthquake! If I get trapped beneath a beam for three days I'm gonna at least lose weight. I don't want them finding me miraculously after three days and saying Well, Christ, she's huge...I was able to get to some beans, thank God."

(Very Crude, but Paula makes me laugh. I saw her in Vegas once... great laughs but a bit foul she is. :-O )

The Power of Love

"A heart that loves is always young." ---Greek Proverb

During my trip to Las Vegas, my beautiful, younger sister purchased and gave me a little book. This book is small, but has some great information. I learned long ago that transitioning from living by default to living by design took a great deal of change in my thought process. I needed to break free from those that were negative in my life and from things that were causing me to entertain negative thoughts. Eliminating people and things in your life that cause these thoughts is not easy; in fact, at times it has been extremely difficult and sad. There are casualties along the way, unintended casualties and the loss can be extreme. This loss of unintended casualties can throw your life into crisis or chaos. How you channel your emotions during this crisis or chaos can make all the difference in the world in your own journey.

Fortunately, for me this channeling came out in the direction of increased exercise and better eating choices. I learned in counseling that many people do just the opposite during times of crisis. In the past, I am sure I also did the opposite. Changing your thought process is a wonderful and beautiful process. Sadly, many around you cannot handle this changing and decide to distance themselves from you and your change. I have found it very interesting the amount of people that have been negative towards my metamorphosis, from a super morbidly obese person living by default to a thinner person living by design. When you undergo such extreme changes in your life, you quickly learn who your true supporters are.

However, not all things in this process are sad and difficult. Many things are simply amazing and wonderful. You meet new people that are the most supportive and positive people you will ever know. You attract a more positive and enthusiastic support group. In addition, many people you knew from the past that really wanted no part of your life when you were negative; suddenly want to be part of your new life. If you think about that for a moment, you (or I) were the negative person they removed from their lives.

Yesterday at work, I had an experience that gives an example of this. There is a coworker that years ago were a very negative person. Two years ago as I began my journey, I came across this person and they were, really going on about how they wish someone would die so they could be rid of them. I looked this person in the eyes and said; you know, you are one of the most negative people I know and you drain the life from me. Please do not speak to me unless it is positive. This person had made many comments about my weight in the past and was not a very kind individual. During the past few months as this coworker watched from afar how my life was changing they would make the occasional comment about my weight loss or improved attitude. I worked the night shift last night and as I was getting off work, walking from the vehicle to the office, he cut me off to speak to me. He said, Todd, you have really changed and everything you do is positive. Earlier today, I observed you take an issue that was not yours and completely handle it on your own without complaining or turning another employee in for not doing their duty. The last time someone discovered the problem that person charged into our building, started screaming, and nearly caused a fight. You entered our building, said hello to everyone, joked with us, and then just took care of the problem without one negative comment. I was so impressed that after you left I filled out an accommodation and made sure the General Manager knew how you handled this situation. Amazing how one change to positive behavior brought about another change of positive behavior in someone else.

The book The Power by Rhonda Byrne calls this the power of love. I recommend the book, but simply it is the power of love. Love is positive and if we love things or people, we attract that back to us. According to this book, if we are experiencing negative things in our life, it is because we do not love enough. All great things in our life are a result of love according to this book. I looked back on the past twenty years of my life and put this theory to test. I have suffered my share of negative, painful experiences in the past twenty years and I wondered if I loved more would they be non-existent. The answer is yes, and no. It is love that could have prevented many of these things, but it would have required an outside party to show me this love as well as me practicing it in my own life. When I did not experience this love and encountered harshness instead, I responded with negativity. This resulted for those that dealt the harshness, experiencing their negative response (my reaction) to non-love. Sadly, I incorrectly responded with harshness of my own in many areas of my life. This resulted in my own negative experiences over the past twenty years. This manifested itself in weight gain and other areas of my life.

Two years ago, I realized I needed to change my life and make changes to eliminate this non-love from my life. Unfortunately, as I progressed and improved my life; it was too late for many areas of my life. However, I think it is a very positive thing and the future is very promising. Rarely, does an individual be awarded a start-over to build a life of positive energy, surrounded by people with an enormous capacity for love. I will be more thorough in those I associate with and allow into my life in the future. I will be diligent in my desire to make sure my support groups and those I surround myself with are positive, enthusiastic and optimistic people. The types of people that will cheer for you, instead of criticize you. The types of people that see you on a bad day, reach out their hand, and ask you if they can be of help.

The Power of Love, it is real and it will result in getting back what you put out.

"I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind." ---Author Unknown

"Live the life you've dreamed" ---Henry David Thoreau

"I believe in the sun even if it isn't shining. I believe in love even when I am alone. I believe in God even when He is silent." ---Source Unknown

What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas… I Think Not!

"What would you attempt, if you knew you could not fail?" ---Author Unknown

Please pardon my absence, but I escaped to Las Vegas for a four-day get-a-way. I attended my Nephew’s wedding, visited with many family members, and made a few new friends. It was fun getting to know our neighbors from the North, the Canadian family and friends of the bride. My newest Niece-in-law is from Canada. If she, her sister and best friends are an indicator of the women from the Country to the North, perhaps it is time for a trip to Canada. My goodness the entire group are stunning women.

I am sure you have heard the saying, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” Well, I am here to tell you that this is not always the case. I went to Vegas with that thought in mind. I arrived and decided it was time to relax, enjoy and take some time off from reality. I ate, drank and was merry the entire trip. Well, I did not really drink alcohol as I do not drink the stuff. I was very merry, but honestly, I would have rather met someone named Mary… that did not happen. Therefore, that leaves ate. I can tell you that ate, I did. In fact, I went out to eat five times in four days. I exercised while I was in Vegas. In fact, I went a minimum of nearly three miles per day. It was tough to get myself out of bed and go jogging on a path that was filled with perfectly sculpted women. Who pays for all their plastic enhancements anyhow? Nevertheless, it was quite the site, seeing all that medical induced perfection. It gave me a craving to get my own liposuction. Add a little Botox to my lips; I am perfect for the plastic pathway of Summerlin Las Vegas. All I want for Christmas is my two pouty lips, my lipo-sucked abs, and a Mary under my tree. However, I digress; this is about what I brought back from Vegas. Now, stop thinking that. It does not require antibiotics or a trip to a discreet medical clinic.

I brought a souvenir of the worst type back from Las Vegas. My souvenir is one that I really do not want. The souvenir I brought back from my trip to Las Vegas weighs eight-pounds, two-ounces. Once again, stop thinking like that; I already have two children. My souvenir from Las Vegas was an added eight pounds of girth! I know, much of it is water weight from the sudden salty foods that I consumed; but still, weight is weight. Thankfully, today I spent a great deal of time getting rid of those eight pounds, now that I am back on my disciplined program. I went jogging/walking for nearly six miles after work today. If I could get rid of the abscess tooth I have I could actually get some sleep. However, I cannot get into my dentist until Thursday and no over-the-counter pain medicines are working. I will have to endure until Thursday. Now, that it is bedtime and I cannot sleep because of the constant pounding in my jaw, I guess I will take the dog for a late night walk.

What happens in Vegas, followed me home and tried to take up residence!

"Your body keeps an accurate journal regardless of what you write down." ---Author Unknown

"In my stars I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness; thrust upon em." ---William Shakespeare

"O sleep, O gentle sleep, nature's soft nurse, how have I frightened thee, that thou no more wilt weigh my eye-lids down and steep my senses in forgetfulness?" ---William Shakespeare

Is Close Considered a Victory?

"You will achieve grand dream, a day at a time, so set goals for each day -- not long and difficult projects, but chores that will take you, step by step, toward your rainbow. Write them down, if you must, but limit your list so that you won't have to drag today's undone matters into tomorrow. Remember that you cannot build your pyramid in twenty-four hours. Be patient. Never allow your day to become so cluttered that you neglect your most important goal -- to do the best you can, enjoy this day, and rest satisfied with what you have accomplished." ---Og Mandino

A passing thought before I head to bed. A woman asked me today while waiting for my handsome son to get out of his kindergarten class, how I was going to celebrate my weight loss victory. I explained that I was not finished. Her comment caught me off guard. She said, good grief you are close enough you look great. Then playfully grabbed my shirt and tugged on it.

When did coming close become a victory? I know, in sports and in the Olympics, we are taught that winning is not everything. It is competing and having fun, giving it your all. However, I do not know one Olympic athlete or any athlete on any level that set out for close. I did not start this journey to come close to my original goal. I set out with a goal in mind and that is where I will celebrate. I appreciated the comment and even the little flirtatious tugging of the shirt; it was grand for my ego. However, this is just one more example of how the world conspires to keep you from achieving your end goal. Just think of all the people of the world that were so close to their dream or goal; only to quit just shy of reaching it.

"After the cheers have died down and the stadium is empty, after the headlines have been written and after you are back in the quiet of your room and the championship ring has been placed on the dresser and all the pomp and fanfare has faded, the enduring things that are left are: the dedication to excellence, the dedication to victory, and the dedication to doing with our lives the very best we can to make the world a better place in which to live." ---Vince Lombardi

"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." ---Aristotle

"On the shores of hesitation, bleach the bones of countless millions, who at the dawn of victory, sat to wait and waiting died." ---Author Unknown

Pant Rant

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that man can alter his life simply by altering his attitude of mind." ---James Truslow Adams

Once again, people are making fun of my baggy pants. A female coworker grabbed my pants in the rear section and chimed another pair about to fall off you. She added I love walking behind you because I know that eventually I am going to get a show when those fall off. When I got home yesterday, I marched right up to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut and dropped to the bed in a rain shower of tears. How could they do this to me, how could my pants just abandon me like this… Oh, Please… Stop the drama! The truth is I arrived home and calmly walked up to my bedroom. It used to be the Bridal Suite, now I call it the Unfurnished Man Cave. Like chalk lines around a deceased body, I have carpet indent-lines where glorious furniture used to dwell. The positive side to this is I have not stubbed my toe in the dark since this furniture moved to a new residence. However, there is a slight annoyance to this as well. I now have an echo in my Unfurnished Man Cave.

Once I made it upstairs to the Unfurnished Man Cave, I opened the pant-storage drawer. If you remember when I purchased pants during the last baggy pant rant, I purchased the next few sizes smaller. I stripped out of my pants, posted the strip tease on the internet :-) and reached for the next smaller size. I slowly pulled them up. First the left leg and all was good. Then the right leg and all was good. Then over the butt and all was good. Finally, the big moment as I sucked my gut in as far as it would go without throwing out my back. Left hand on the left of the enclosure, right hand on the right of the enclosure. Then one more suck the gut in and pull like there is no tomorrow. The result was two sides coming together in harmony with a common goal to keep my assets hidden. Now, I must warn people that if the enclosure to these smaller pants happens to fail, it could be deadly. The metal enclosure would shoot off like a Ninja Star.

When I realized I was actually wearing and fitting into the smaller pants, I grabbed the baggy pair and beat on it. I did some karate moves, a little kung-fu, stomped on them, and then threw them like a fastball onto the donation pile for a thrifty store. I walked with new-found pride today in my smaller pants. I was extremely careful not to bend at the waist. I am thrilled to be in another size smaller and wish to continue the trend.

Update 10/07/2010

Weight Loss Challenge
I remain in second place in the weight loss challenge at work. I have had difficulty catching the leader. Since the first week, when he lost a great deal of weight; I have kept pace and gained a little ground. However, my admiration goes to this guy as he has continued to be motivated and disciplined for six weeks. No easy task to accomplish in the first six weeks of a weight loss program. I am happy for him and will refocus on my efforts to catch him in the remaining six weeks of the program. As of this writing, I have lost 6.50% of my body weight in the first six weeks of the program. The leader has lost an astounding 8.5% of his body weight in six weeks. Well done.

"I am learning to understand rather than immediately judge or to be judged. I cannot blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I will not allow myself to indulge in the usual manipulating game of role creation. Fortunately for me, my self-knowledge has transcended that and I have come to understand that life is best to be lived and not to be conceptualized. I am happy because I am growing daily and I am honestly not knowing where the limit lies. To be certain, every day there can be a revelation or a new discovery. I treasure the memory of the past misfortunes. It has added more to my bank of fortitude." ---Bruce Lee

Weight a Minute

"Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" ---Henry Ford

This morning while making pancakes for my beautiful children, I almost caught myself about to sit down with one of these huge carbohydrate pillows. Quickly, I got online and looked up how much hiking, walking or jogging I would have to do to burn off a carbohydrate pillow. Ouch, that pancake certainly does not sound that good.

Every day we are faced with choices. These choices determine exactly where we are in the future. It can be the near future or long term future, nonetheless our choices today determine our future tomorrows. During the period where I used food as a drug, I was only concerned about the present and how I felt at that moment. Trying to hide an emotion behind food determined the eventual future of over 430 pounds.

I have to admit that I still have days that I get side-tracked and lose sight of what I have eaten. However, the next day or sometimes later that day, I get right back on track by clearing my mind. I immediately start loading my mind with positive self-growth materials and inspirational stories to assist me in avoiding further deviation from a healthy lifestyle.

Is it easy, is a question I keep getting. In the first twelve months of a complete lifestyle change it is not easy. In fact, it was very difficult and very challenging. There were times I nearly came to tears and thought why would I put myself through this. Maintaining weight and losing weight are two completely different worlds. Losing weight requires deprivation, regardless of program it has to be reduced from a maintenance schedule to continue to lose weight. Stay the course, because after that twelve month mark something miraculous took place. It became a way of life without feeling any deprivation at all. I continue to lose nearly two pounds a week and only if I deviate too much does this amount of weight loss diminish.

"Nobody is stronger, nobody is weaker than someone who came back.There is nothing you can do to such a person because whatever you could do is less than what has already been done to him. We have already paid the price." ---Elie Wiesel

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." --- Jack London

Fear

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." ---Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

I consider fear the single largest culprit in people living lives less than they desired than any other issue today. When I look back on my life thus far, I realize that almost every chance I had to become and obtain exactly what I want in life was lost due to fear of some type. Once the weight piled on, the more fear took deep root within me. When I reached my defining moment two years ago, I vowed that I would never allow fear to paralyze my life again. Now, to me fear and confidence are two different issues. One can lose the fear and still not have the confidence necessary to carry yourself in a successful manner. This is where weight loss is paramount in conquering fear and regaining massive confidence.

There are two words that I have used recently that seemed a little silly. I have used these words to plant a seed that there is a possibility of something. Despite insurmountable odds and enormous obstacles, there is hope. I use these two words to portray the possibility of something great and wonderful. However, this evening my beautiful daughter asked me to rent the movie Letters to Juliet. In this movie, near the end they read a letter that really brought home what these two little words actually mean. They can be powerful when combined and if not pursued can be tragically haunting.

Letters to Juliet:

"'What' and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?'..."

"I don't know how your story ended. But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love – then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart..."

"I don't know what a love like that feels like... a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for... but I'd like to believe if I ever felt it. I'd have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn't, I hope one day that you will."

Those two words are seriously tragic when combined. Looking back on your own life, how many “what if’s” are there? I know my past life is full of them. My life since my defining moment and my divorce will never again be filled with “what if”. In order to live by design and assemble the life that you want for yourself, the life God wants for you. The life your family and friends want for you. All “what if’s” must be pursued and we need to make sure that we do not leave that issue unresolved. We must place fear, doubt and lack of confidence away and lock the door of that closet. Follow your dreams and live by design. Dissolve from your life all “what if” scenarios, go out, and conquer your world. I intend to and my first five items on my goal list will be pursued to the end. I will either reach them, obtain them, be part of them or perhaps I just may win the day. Either way, win or lose there will be no more what if scenarios for the rest of my life. It is my sincere hope you do the same. No matter what the topic is business, career, love, faith, geography, health, weight loss, or anything else you desire.

"Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace." ---Amelia Earhart

"Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get others." ---David Seabury

Inspiring

"Whatever your discipline, become a student of excellence in all things. Take every opportunity to observe people who manifest the qualities of mastery. These models of excellence will inspire you and guide you toward the fulfillment of your highest potential." ---Tony Buzan

A good friend (Kristin) sent me a link to this Youtube video. It is an inspiring story. Sometimes I wish I would have been shooting video or more photos of my journey. I like seeing this guy's transformation. However, I have never honestly done this journey for recognition or fame. I am not saying Ben is doing it for fame or recognition, I have no idea and I do not know Ben. I think his story is remarkable and his sharing it inspires others... well done Ben. I am only speaking for myself and my journey. I have recently started taking and being in many more photos lately. Another dear friend, actually two; brought this to my attention and asked for more photos. My dear friend Monique says a picture is worth a million words. I guess I have not had much to say... well, that's not it; because I always have something to say. I guess I am shy... well, that's not it; because if asked I will wear the freaking lamp shade at the party. The real reason is I do not own a tripod and I am always the one behind the camera.

Until I get a tripod, please enjoy Ben and his journey. He is correct in the video, begin and just do it. The time will pass no matter what we do. In four months do you want to be exactly where you are or would you rather be closer to your goals. In four months you could be 50 pounds lighter. In four months you could be deeper in love. In four months you could be in the best shape of your life. In four months you could be closer to God. In four months you could be closer to accomplishing your goals. What ever you can dream... in four months you could be closer to that dream. Get inspired and as Ben and Nike say... Just Do It!



"Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements." ---Napoleon Hill

"You have all the reason in the world to achieve your grandest dreams. Imagination plus innovation equals realization." ---Denis Waitley

"Two men can achieve anything. As long as one of them is the Lord." ---Author Unknown

Question of a Lifetime

"Be specific in what you want, and use specific words. Empower yourself, and become the person you dream about." ---Author Unknown

I had a woman ask me today, why I have succeeded at losing weight this time over any other time in my life. Then she added, you look and act like a completely different person. Honestly, you will look and act like a completely different person when you lose over 190 pounds. The reason I am succeeding this time, is I recognized the real problem and addressed that. Most people, myself included just use the band-aid approach to weight loss. We go on a diet, only to gain it back as soon as the diet ends. I have learned in my journey, there is an underlying issue that leads to weight gain and retention. Once I discovered my underlying issue, I was accurately able to address it and move forward. Correctly addressing this underlying issue has removed from my behaviors the need to use food as a drug. I no longer reach for food to comfort me or to mask other problems.

Does this mean I have stopped eating bad foods? No, in fact, like all other people I still occasionally eat a bad thing or two. On Friday of last week, I stopped at Burger King and for the first time in six months had a fast food value meal. However, for the first time since I was married, it was the small value meal and I did not upgrade to the larger size. I had this incredible craving for a hamburger and fries and so, I pulled into the drive-through and got a BK Stacker. I ate it slowly and savored it and the craving was gone and over. This is the best part; I worked it off by going hiking that evening. In days of old, when dieting a diversion like this would lead to many more. However, not this time; as I was right back on my routine immediately with craving satisfied. This is wonderful and edifies my belief that if we heal the mind, we heal the body. Healing my mind and addressing the underlying issues, I have healed my body. My body heals more every day and I get stronger every day. It is a remarkable feeling and it leaves me confident, strong, positive, passionate, caring and motivated. It makes me determined to reach my goal and reach it I will.

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor." ---Henry David Thoreau

"All endeavor calls for the ability to tramp the last mile, shape the last plan, endure the last hours toil. The fight to the finish spirit is the one...characteristic we must posses if we are to face the future as finishers." ---Author Unknown

Quick Update

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your Destiny." ---Frank Outlaw

Here is a quick update from the weight loss challenge at work. The Wellness Coordinator posted the results following "Week 3" and I have moved into second place. There are two within very close range and I closed the gap considerably on the leader. This leaves me with mixed emotions. On one hand, I intended to win this competition and I still do. I aim to win it, I am in it to win it. However, I thought it would be around week 9 or 10 before I was close to second or first. After-all, I have been losing weight for a long time and the amount you lose in the first weeks is always the greatest. I am disheartened for my fellow workers that are trying so hard to beat this battle. I know their struggles and their difficulties. Their resolve is fading and their intensity levels off. If you heal the mind, you will heal the body. Toss in a huge why and you are on your way.

Following Week 3: Percentage of body weight lost in three weeks: 3.8%

"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go..." ---T.S. Eliot

"Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent." ---Marilyn Vos Savant

Life is Exciting!

“When things go wrong as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all up hill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow--You may succeed with another blow, Success is failure turned inside out--The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.” ---Author Unknown

The above is a re-post from an earlier post. It is so true, so many of us quit right before victory would have been ours. A very dear friend asked me Saturday night how much weight I have to lose before I reach my goal. After I told them, it sunk in that I do not have all that much to lose before I reach my goal. I am quoting this dear friend when I write, “Isn’t life exciting?” Well, yes, it is and I always add magical to this comment. It is exciting and dangerous to be so close. I have learned from all of my studies, and research that it is when we get close to our goals or dreams, it is there that so many fall behind, and never complete their own journey. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as my weight loss journey. Yes, I have a few difficult months to go, but this is a lifestyle for me now. I rarely if ever falter any longer and if I do, I am right back on track. Getting back on track does not wait for the next day like days or years of past. Getting back on track happens immediately following the transgression.

I am disheartened that so many in my weight loss challenge at work are faltering after only three weeks. I want to reach out, help them, and give them the pull needed to achieve that which they desire. However, one thing the journey of mine has taught me. You cannot pull someone to victory in anything in life. The best we can do is place our hand out and say this is the way, walk with me. In the end, it has to be in your heart, mind and soul to achieve the unachievable. Each of us has to dig, search and locate the champion or winner inside of us. Every day people ask what are you eating, what are you doing, how is this possible they ask? It is possible because I became a completely different man. I became the man I always desired to be and no longer allow my environment to control my mind or actions. I see with clarity what I want in my life and I stop at nothing to achieve it. It is the man that I will be forever more.

Through this weight loss journey, I suffered incredible heartbreak and cruelty and it did not deter my efforts. I have experienced great joy, love and laughter and it did not deter my efforts. I experienced injuries and setbacks and it did not deter my efforts. Yes, there were bad days and even weeks, but overall I stayed the course. I worked on my mind and spirit harder than anything else and everything else fell into place. I have allowed the man that God wants me to be to surface and every day that man grows stronger. As of this writing, I stand at nearly 190 pounds lost and approximately 40 more to go until I reach my goal. My goal is to be at goal in January, a very tall order indeed. In January, phase two of this journey begins and I shall approach it the same way I have the weight loss journey. Continuing to expand my mind, my spirit, my soul and go full speed ahead. I shall approach everything in my life with this passion and effort from now until the Lord calls me home… hopefully, somewhere around 95. Now, quoting my dear friend, Isn’t life exciting? I believe it is and it is quite magical.

"Everyone says love hurts, but that isn't true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt." ---Author Unknown

"Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day." ---Indian Proverb