Lost

Wow... it has been a very long time.  The past sixteen months has been a real roller coaster.  Wonderful highs and the lowest of lows.  I'm writing this from my phone, therfore, proof reading a little tough and auto correct is evil.

Today, I find myself once again in a reinvention state of being.  As much as it pains me to say, I am once again in the process of getting a divorce.  I could go on and on why it didn't work, but that really doesn't matter, the facts are... second marriage... second divorce.  I did all I could to keep the marriage in tact, but at the end of the day it takes two people working together to keep a marriage alive and well.  Realizing my partner had no desire to work with me in creating a stronger relationship, bond and marriage, it became time for me to move out.  I've been separated for four months now and I believe my divorce will be final in October.

I'm back on the weight loss bandwagon, three years of stressful living and I found the good drugs again... the carbohydrates.  Time to send them packing, because my jeans have no more room for butt extending carbohydrates.

I'm still writing and begin a Master Screenwriting Certificate program in January.  I'm really excited to continue my journey as a screenwriting student.

I will check in again soon and if a forty-something, gorgeous, patient, tolerant woman that likes going to movies passes your way, help a guy out and tell them to leave me a message.  Hahaha.

WHY?

Let me begin by admitting I do not have permission, nor have I asked.  I simply feel that this young woman and her story are too important not to share with the world.

Original Post:

Update to the post below: Our precious little Brielle was admitted to the children's hospital today and we are told she will remain there through Christmas. If you do not mind, please say a prayer for Brielle and her family.
 
"The Irish - Be they kings, or poets, or farmers, They're a people of great worth, They keep company with the angels, And bring a bit of heaven here to earth" ---Irish Sayings

Every now and then, you come across someone that makes you look at the world a little differently. Asked earlier this year, my beautiful wife and I teach a weekly class at our church. We teach a wonderful group of eleven-year-old children. Being new to the area, I did not know any of these children. The first day we taught this class one young woman caught my attention. They are all beautiful children and have wonderful personalities; however, one child seemed to be so enthusiastic and positive it was almost unbelievable.

This young woman had an odd hairstyle I thought as I looked upon her for the first time. Her hair was short and almost in a spike type fashion, not very flattering and looking much differently than all the other children in the class. When I would ask a volunteer to say a prayer she would raise her hand with so much enthusiasm, that she would almost eek out a slight scream. If I did not choose her for the prayer, she would immediately shout out, “I will say the closing prayer”. Her smile is contagious and her light shines very brightly.

As the weeks passed and I have gotten to know this young woman more, I would learn a great deal about her and her hairstyle. Months prior to my meeting her, this young woman had just endured a bone-marrow transplant. The remarkable young woman was diagnosed with leukemia. She has also endured radiation and chemotherapy. Now the hairstyle made sense and I felt like a fool for mentally questioning her hairstyle.

Her story does not end there as she has had various forms of health problems almost since birth. This remarkable young woman has required heart surgery and other medical procedures almost her entire life. In addition, the family discovered that her Father also discovered he had cancer when she was undergoing her bone-marrow transplant. Through all of her difficulties and trials this young woman is one of the most positive, enthusiastic, loving and charitable people I have ever had the privilege of meeting.

Never have I witnessed this young woman feel sorry for herself or question why. Her Mother says it is fitting that her younger sister be the bone-marrow donor as these two are the two children that are her most stubborn and impatient with one another. Now, they have the same blood running through their bodies.

Until four-weeks ago, her leukemia was in remission and she was making grand plans for the future. Sadly, we learned that her leukemia or another type of cancer has returned. I hope that it will require less chemotherapy and radiation. We have only seen her once since the leukemia returned. My beautiful wife delivered a blanket and card the entire class made for her. Her reaction was a huge grin that would thaw the most frigid heart. Tomorrow this beautiful young child enters the hospital for a lengthy stay to once again face daunting trials. This young woman is an Angel among us and her light shines so brightly, you cannot help feeling drawn to her.

I find it amazing how some people shine and flourish while facing the most severe trials. A truly amazing human lives life full and optimistic in the face of such demoralizing trials. It and she is a shining example to us all.

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength." ---August Wilson


"Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God." ---Bible

"We are each others angels, we meet when it is time." ---Chuck Brodsky

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It breaks my heart to announce that our beautiful angel… Brielle has learned her cancer has returned for the third time.  Her body is too frail and cannot sustain another bone marrow transplant.   The doctor’s have informed her that there is nothing more they can do for her.

My thoughts are what I would do if it were my child or me.  If it were I, I would most likely cry, shout, and feel anger, sadness and despair.  Brielle, made a bucket list.  Seriously, this amazing child made a bucket list to live every moment full.  Life is full speed ahead for this young woman and she plans to live a lifetime in the short time allotted to her. 

Her first task I have learned was telling her classmates that she would not be here much longer.  I understand she then spent the day comforting them and building their excitement for living a full life.  Her bucket list… I have seen it, is no small list.  A community is coming together to assist in trying to see that precious Brielle has every opportunity to complete her list.  A Prom with no Prom ahead, no problem… the community is going to hold a Prom.  Young women are getting their dresses as I write.  My guess is Brielle’s dance card will be full.  There are tons of things on Brielle’s list and one by one, day by day she checks them off. 

Brielle’s infectious smile, her positive attitude and her zest for living are a strong message for all of us.  I enjoyed every minute of having Brielle in my class at Church.  The world, my world, my community, my church, my neighbors, my friends, my sky, my stars will all soon be a little less brilliant.  An Angel among us is soon returning home.  Our Angel leaves us with this valuable lesson and message.  Live, Love, Laugh and always remember, it is not the amount of years we live, but the amount of living we do in those years.   

Beautiful Brielle with her bone marrow donor, beautiful younger sister, whom I also had the awesome pleasure of having in one of my classes for a year.

Make-A-Wish trip to Disney World.  Beautiful Brielle is the one in red pants, standing on Mickey's left in front of her Mother.

I love this family and my life is better for knowing and learning from them.  Brielle's amazing spirit and message will live on through all who know her and have experienced her amazing qualities. 

      

Humbled, Learning and Grateful

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."   ---Nelson Mandela

Wonderful quote above, I would add that if your education does not change the world, it certainly changes "your" world.

The past couple of weeks have been very educational, difficult and filled with lots and lots of homework.  I have learned many new things and I also learned that many things I knew from school many years ago no longer apply.  

I completed all assignments and reached the point where I decide what screenplay I write for the course.  The catch to this is that you have to run all of your ideas through a successful producer that has marketed and sold many screenplays and developed them into feature films.  This was a very educational phone call for me and hearing the criticism for many of my ideas was daunting.  When I mentioned an idea he liked, his tone, behavior and adrenaline kicked in and he became very excited.  That was cool and I could not sleep for a couple of days.  The tough part now begins.  The idea he liked was one I am not too familiar with and must do research and really stretch myself to take a blank page and create an entertainment value and something that will touch the heart, soul and minds of Producers, Agents, Managers, Actors and obviously movie goers.  

I have until August to create this screenplay and I will be working with my class of writers, instructors, two producers and a screenplay analyst.  However, the bottom line is that all decisions are mine and the product will be mine.  Then a slow and methodical process begins to market it and see if there is any interest in the product I create.  A slight hurdle is that only about 1% or less of "Spec" screenplays are ever purchased. 

... The journey continues.

"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence."   ---Robert Frost

"When writing remember criticism isn't personal, it's technical.  Take what is liked and make it loved, take what isn't liked and make it loved.  Always improve your writing and always improve yourself at least 1% everyday.  Falling in love with your writing to the point of inflexibility imprisons you and your career."   ---Todd Hurley  

The Journey Continues

"Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome."   ---Arthur Ashe

It all begins today!  Beginning at Noon Pacific time I embark on a six month journey of education.  It will be difficult, fun, educational and empowering.  Today, I begin a six-month course for writers.  It is a very busy course with daily assignments, critique and confidence building.  Taught by those that have done it and taken the journey before me.

It is not for the faint of heart and I have already learned that I will get out of this course what I put forth.  I am bursting at the seems with excitement.  Sadly, most people in my life have little or no interest in it whatsoever.  They find my talking about it extremely boring and many times just tune me out.  I guess that leaves the unseen cyber world as my confidant.

I will be extremely busy, but hope to stop by now and then to share my experiences, successes, failures and excitement.  It is the journey that excites me.  You never know where the journey may lead.  

"The journey has been incredible from its beginning."   ---Sidney Poitier

"It's a life's journey of finding ourselves, finding our power, and living for yourself, not for everyone else."   ---Mariska Hargitay

"The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest happiness in using it."   ---Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Where Have All The Leaders Gone

"Leadership is unlocking people's potential to become better."   ---Bill Bradley

I ventured out today on a date with my wife and viewed the movie Lincoln.  As a student of screenwriting and movie making, I am sure this movie is embellished somewhat for entertainment purposes.  I am no history expert on the life or actions of President Lincoln and I am sure he had many faults, as we all do.  However, what I do know of his life and his Presidency it leaves me with the question of what has happened to real leaders in this country?

 

It seems to me in today's world that politicians on both sides are more yes people to the rich and corporate entities that support them than they are leaders.  Our current President is so ripe with potential and ability and squanders it with inflexibility and party lines that his potential is lost.  His most recent challenger in the election is another potential great leader that could not get over his own prejudice and education that he became extremely intolerant.  Neither man has lived up to their true potential and shown real leadership.  

 

"Effective leadership is not about making speeches or being liked; leadership is defined by results not attributes."   ---Peter Drucker

 

Today's leaders are intolerant of anyone with beliefs other than their own.  During my life I have not witnessed one President that has demonstrated true leadership.  In my opinion, both political parties in America are way off track and intolerant of one another.  Any party that caters to one side more than the other is certainly biased and unfair.  The so called Tea Party is nauseating to say the least.  Radio talk shows fuel and feed this intolerant, inflexible type of behavior.  

 

I am not a member of either political party and do not favor one side more than the other.  I wonder what happened to responsibility.  Everyone in politics wants a balanced budget, but scoffs at it if it hits their own back yard.  NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) is the way of politics.  Every politician wants to cut spending as long as it is done in another state.  Would fairness not support an equal cut across the board to all programs in equal amounts?

 

Where is a President that stands before the people and says, we are in trouble, we need to change, we all need to sacrifice.  Where is the President that bails out the people and not the Corporations or Banks.  Where is the President that says we are going to let the banking and real estate sectors solve their own problems, but we have set up programs to ensure no one starves or goes homeless.  Does the money not belong to the people?  Where is the President that looks Congress in the eye and states he will not sign a budget with a deficit.  Where is the President that stands before the people and answers to the people and not to the financial supporters of their election.  

 

Where have all the leaders gone?

  

 

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. 

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."   ---Abraham Lincoln   

Superbowl or Super Waste

"Tonight I plan on having such an awesome night, Morgan Freeman should narrate it."   ---Author Unknown

The Superbowl of 2013!  Was it super or a super waste of time?  On my drive home from the game I was shocked at the amount of traffic on the road on their way home from Superbowl parties and gatherings.  I wondered if every city in every state looked like this at this moment.  There was far more traffic on the roads following the Superbowl than I have ever seen following Fourth of July celebrations.  That is a great many parties taking place around this grand country.

I have to admit, I am a Superbowl party enthusiast.  I believe everyone should have or attend a Superbowl party.  In America one of the things we do best is come together as family, friends and neighbors and celebrate.  We do it often, but not nearly often enough.

I must admit that as the day approached I was somewhat depressed, because our 60+ inch television is having difficulties.  Procrastination led to not getting it repaired in time for the big game to host my own party.  I know, I know, as popular as I think I am there should have been multiple Superbowl party invites.  Sadly, there were none.  Sure, I could venture to a Sports Grill and watch the big game, but that takes the fun out of it for me.  It's not just a game, it's a grand celebration and should be done with someone you know or love.  What to do.

Getting out of church just two hours before the big game, I gave my undivided attention to finding a party for my family to attend.  Just who's party shall we crash?

"Life is all about learning lessons and counting blessings!"   ---Author Unknown 

In years past many Superbowl parties were held at my parents home.  Many family members would attend and it would be a grand feast!  We would have drawings, games and prizes.  It made for great times and greater memories.  My Father passed away last August and I was certain my Mother was going to one of my Sister's homes for their grand party.  I guess all things eventually come to an end.

Before making the final decision on the party I would crash, I phoned my 82 year-old Mother.  I asked her where she was going for the Superbowl?  She replied... nowhere.  I asked who was coming to her home for the Superbowl.  She replied... no one.  The phone filled with silence.  How could this be?  How could the woman that hosted such grand Superbowl parties not be attending one, nor hosting one.  I asked, do you mind if we come to your home for the Superbowl?  Her enthusiastic yes was followed by, I have no food.  I replied that was not a problem.  On our way we stopped off at the grocery store and loaded up with food and snacks.  We made it to her home thirty-minutes before kick-off.

My Mother lit-up when we entered her home and it was evident that she enjoyed the company.  It was a very valuable lesson for this arrogant guy.  Superbowl parties are not a waste at all.  In fact, they are just the opposite.  They are an incredible opportunity to reach out to our fellow citizens and bring a few hours of joy to all of us.  Loneliness is a very real thing in many people's lives.  I should never have assumed that my Mother was going to be taken care of and invited to a party.  In fact, in the years to come, after my sweet Mother leaves this Earth; I will do my best to find someone that would otherwise be left out to attend our party or take the party to them.

The Superbowl is a football game.  It is also a showcase for wonderful, fun commercials and a unique half-time show.  Most of all, the Superbowl is a party for all of us to love, laugh and show friendship to one another.  It is an opportunity to celebrate life and reach out to others.  

"Sometimes I feel like the last cookie in the cookie jar; broken and alone."   ---Author Unknown

"The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough is love."   ---Henry Miller

Gone Missing and Self-Doubt

 JULIET
 O think'st thou we shall ever meet again? 

 ROMEO
 I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve
 For sweet discourses in our time to come.

I actually had to search for my own blog.  It has been awhile since I posted here.  Much has gone on in my life in recent months, some great and some not so great.  Overall, it has been the most wonderful thing each of us is blessed with, living a life.

This past summer was a good summer filled with fun times, great friends and wonderful memories.  It was great to spend a great deal more time with my wife and children during the summer.  I had the great opportunity to attend my High School Reunion where I reconnected with many wonderful friends of the past.  I really did have a great time.

Sadly, as my last post indicates, my Father passed away this past summer as well.  My Mother is still feeling the deep sense of loss and loneliness following a sixty-year marriage.  I am in awe of their ability to keep their marriage together for so long, something I will never experience.  Unless, I manage to live to be 106 years-old and my wife does not toss me out.

I took on a new job.  I decided to return to Rail Road and earned my Locomotive Engineer’s License.  It is a fun job, albeit somewhat stressful.  I have never experienced in my life a stressful moment like that which comes with the controls of a train and a human placing themselves in front of that train by accident or by design.  The Engineer does all they can to preserve that person’s life, but in the end, the Engineer is really just a spectator to a horrific event.
 
I started a hobby.  This hobby is a great deal of fun for me.  I have to be careful because I could completely spend too much time with this hobby.  Truth be told, I wish it were a career more than a hobby.  This hobby consumed the time that I used to spend on this blog.  I wrote a complete screenplay using a logline that was created for a contest.  This tested my creativity and story telling abilities.  Hearing a logline for the first time and then creating an entire story and screenplay from that logline is challenging.  The logline is a short sentence or phrase explaining the screenplay or movie. 

“A 17th Century tale of adventure on the Caribbean Sea where the roguish yet charming Captain Jack Sparrow joins forces with a young blacksmith in a gallant attempt to rescue the Governor of England’s daughter and reclaim his ship” … Pirates of the Caribbean.   

The above logline is what the screenplay writers used to write or describe the movie.  Many times writers or aspiring writers have an idea about a movie and have mapped out the details in their minds for years.  When someone provides a logline for you, it is not something you have worked on or thought of and this is where you find if you really have any talent as a writer.  It was challenging and a great deal of fun.
 
I have learned that I am not nearly as thick-skinned as I would like to be.  I have shown only two people and both really liked my screenplay.  One of those is a Film Director and they have encouraged me to market this and see if it can be sold.  My thoughts on the matter are it was an excellent training and education.  Self-doubt is a killer of many dreams and denies the world of many great experiences. 
 

“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”   …Sylvia Plath

Today my imagination was stirred when I was visiting my Mother and watched a program with her called “The Chew”.  On this episode, an actor named Andrew McCarthy was on the cooking segment.  The Chef was telling the audience about Andrew’s newest job of writing segments for National Geographic Travel and other writing jobs for traveling the world.  The Chef asked Andrew if he had gone to school or obtained great amounts of education in obtaining the new job.  Andrew said that he simply discovered he had a passion for traveling and writing.  Following what he did for his acting passion, he found a way to turn his passion into an income.  He is now paid for doing what he loves.  Andrew McCarthy, job well done for pursuing your passions that ultimately leads to people’s enjoyment.  May we all learn to be so bold and brave to follow our passions and dreams.  

"It's heartbreaking to see so many people trapped in a web of enforced idleness, deep debt, and gnawing self-doubt"   ...William J. Clinton

"Self-doubt kills talent"   ...Edie McClurg

"I found my first novel difficult. I don't want to make it sound like it's any more difficult than driving a cab or going to any other job, but there are so many opportunities for self-doubt, that you just kind of need to soldier on"   ...Anthony Doerr